I struggle to understand

[Normal boobs1]

When it comes to gyno I fully understand the anxiety it causes  and the desire for camouflage.
I understand the reluctance to start wearing a bra and  layering to hide straps, bra outline, hooks and adjusters.
However there comes a point where most of us accept accept the inevitable a wear a bra
.
It seems to me that there is another tipping point where we  willing to trade off projection  for comfort and and neatness of appearance and it becomes perfectly obvious that we have breasts and also that we have them safely corralled in a bra even when the outline is not visible.
Now the bit  I just don't get - (I went through this myself). Having got this far in our journey why do we still often have a great aversion to and worry about the hooks at the back and adjusters on the back of our shoulders and whether they show.
Having grown boobs to this noticeable size, any stares, and they are few, are far more likely focussed centre front looking at the size of the "verandah"  rather than the comparatively tiny hooks, adjusters or even straps.
We really can be a strange illogical lotl!
I am really past this stage and embracing  my feminine side more it has, for me, just  become a  normal part of the territory

[Evolver]

I think it was you, who said the other day about taking small steps in the snow to navigate this slippery path, but suddenly coming across a chasm that required you to take a leap. 

I had a day off today and went for a long and hard bike ride mid afternoon. Once home, I showered and put a bra on under a black t-shirt. I could see the straps and adjusters in the mirror but my wife didn't notice until I told her this evening - if she didn't notice, who else would? in the meantime we went out to pick up dinner and no-one noticed. Balance this against this morning, when we did our supermarket shopping and I was mincing around braless, puffing my chest out in a LGBTQI+ sympathetic t-shirt, hair unevenly parted and tucked behind the ear on the short side but over on the other, and getting plenty of weird looks.

And...loving it! 

[Johndoe1]

Good point. Reminds me of that bible saying about how we see the splinters on other people and miss the log in our eye, or something similar to that.

I think a lot of this is due to conditioning as we develop. We are continually told and reminded that "only girls have bobbies and boys have willies." Unfortunately, life is never that simple. I believe that you can certainly have feminine breasts and still be a man. But having breasts as either a man or a woman dictates that if they are large enough, you will need to do things to care for them. But here is where that conditioning comes in. But since caring for them means you, as a male, have to do rituals deemed, for the oppose gender, because "only girls have boobies and boys have willies" the brain is unsure how to proceed. That's where fear and questioning and shame and embarrassment begin to creep in. It's a totally created societal schism. I would say it has roots back to at least the Victorian Era and maybe further back. I don't know.

[blad]

To answer the first post, we may have accepted needing a bra and embracing wearing one, but not necessarily wanting to share that with the rest of the world. At least not overtly. 

I realize that trying to camouflage wearing a bra contrasts to us not being able to camouflage having breasts. Although a bra can reduce the attention our breasts can attract by shaping and controlling them.

I guess it is just trying to keep as much private as possible.

[bikerbob]

To answer the first post, we may have accepted needing a bra and embracing wearing one, but not necessarily wanting to share that with the rest of the world. At least not overtly.

That describes my attitude pretty well.  I am OK that the girls are obvious because A. I can't do anything about it and B. Most people simply don't notice or don't care.  In the 6 years or so I have worn a bra every day, I have caught maybe 5 or 6 women (it is always women) and a 12 year old girl staring at my chest.  That said, I prefer not to advertise that I wear a bra, though I am getting comfortable with browsing the bra racks at the local thrift stores.

[usetobeed]

I guess it is just trying to keep as much private as possible.

Ditto. I don't understand why anyone would want to show off their bra. To me, it would be the same as walking around with my pants falling down to show off my underwear. No judgement because plenty of guys like to do that, but it's not for me. To each his own.
Ed

[Normal boobs1]

Respect to those who differ but I still do not understand the logic of worrying about tiny adjusters and fasteners once we reach a certain size and  have two very obvious, well corralled appendages parked out front. Fasteners, adjusters and bra outline aside it is perfectly obvious that we are bra'd up however covert we think we are.
Respect to those who differ, but it does seem that we must agree to disagree. We each have different thoughts and concerns and have to find our own way of coping.
I once had the concerns others have voiced here but no longer.

Perhaps you will evolve in in your thinking but whether you do or not is an individual thing. The only thing that this all proves is that we each have different comfort zones. Contentedness lies in staying within them.
No criticism was implied -  just that as with many things in life, it defies any logic

[Brdy64]

I spent all weekend wearing a fairly tight T-shirt with a flannel shirt draped over just my shoulders. I would normally pull the flannel up over my breasts in each side fidgeting all day doing so. 
This weekend I decided to let the flannel hang as it will. It naturally just opened up the width of my breasts and kind of framed them in as my boobs peeked out. 
I caught a couple ladies looking but they said nothing. Nobody said a thing. 
Nothing happened!
Come to think of it, when I was fidgeting all day with my flannel I was most likely drawing much more attention 🤔

[Dudewithboobs]

I’m in agreement with the notion that perhaps no one wearing the bra cares about the hardware itself but is more just wanting to keep the fact it’s there a private matter in a public setting. 

As my breasts developed fuller l realized a bra was not just an option but a bit of necessity in most days and activities. My biggest concern was the hooks and adjusters on the straps. But what I’ve come to recognize is, the true teller of bras to me is the cup linings. The tell tale arc of the bra cup especially if filling it properly and fully that adds pressure to the shirt. The straps and hooks and adjusters I find may be visible but aren’t obvious. Unless bending over or stretching the shirt against that area or whatever may give it away, it just isn’t an apparent part of the bra and I feel in most shirts, unless thin or very light colored, it’s concealable on its own. But when I look in the mirror and see my bra under my shirt the only thing that I feel gives it away is my cup lining. 

I don’t understand why anyone gets concerned when in a bra about the hardware other than it is new to them, the concern is honest. But assure over time with experience when in a bra it comes to be realized no one really noticed and the worry was all in nothing. 

[blad]

I have not had a concern of my bra being obvious in public for a long time and do not give it a second thought. It is close contact in social and family events that is the only concern to me. The "hug" and "pat on the back".

[Dudewithboobs]

Same. While moving to a new desk in office puts me more in view the back of the chair is more than enough to blind spot the viewers of any sign of strap bands and adjusters. Unless I’m around my wife or friends I’m usually in a bra and much happier. At this point without a bra it just kinda aches especially in the sides of the breast when without one.