Attempting to be New Around Here

[KnownVariance]

Howdy,
I feel like I know many of you all so well as I have read over many of your stories, though I don’t know all the details.

I wanted to share my story and introduce myself.

A few years ago, I ended up going down a path that I have since realized that I never should have gone down. This was in late 2019/ early 2020, and I was acting in a way that betrayed my ideals and myself. I wanted to run away from that version of my self and ran into the arms of a gender bender, which scooped me out and twisted me all around in all sorts of knots, and ended up on estrogen for a period of 3 years, on and off. The last year, I was on for the full year. I know many of you guys here didn’t get Gyno from that, but that’s how I came to be here. 

For the past year or so, I’ve been working on myself, making myself better, and while I’ve been hiding this part of myself with binders, and other various ‘torture’ wear. My mother recently had some blood clots, which led me to do some research about compression garments, and I learned that they too can cause issues related to that. So, I switched back to a bra. I have 42E according to the A Bra that fits page, but I have a bra that I have been wearing since I stopped compressing a month or so ago, that I don’t know exactly what size it is, it fits well enough though I’d like to find some actual support. The sports bra I had was too small and tight, as I was using it at times to compress too. 

I’ve been debating on going and getting sized at torrid, though my wife has said that she would be embarrassed for me, and I have to go alone. But I’d like to find at least one more bra that fits well.

As part of my more recent work with this, I’ve been attempting to forgive myself for this action performed on myself, and accept this part of me. It’s been challenging, because it feels so vulnerable, and so just, not who I am per se. I’ve slowly been accepting this, and that I will have to wear a bra. I started out with a plan to have surgery when the dust originally settled, but the more I learn about it, the more time has gone on, the more expensive and unjustifiable I seemed to find it. It seemed risky, and undesirable because of those risks and loss of what feels like so much. 

At this point, I’m a dude with boobs, and I have accepted that to some extent. And I wanted to throw myself out there to open to discussion and thoughts and ideas.

I appreciate the wisdom of those who have come before, and I appreciate the wisdom of those who will come after.

Cheers,
KnownVariance

[Xeros]

Welcome to the party. I suspect you're not the only one with a story like that. As for finding the right size if you don't want to get fitted. Read a bit about how bras work and how they should fit. Go online to somewhere with free returns, pick a bra that "matches" a calculator, get it, get others in sister sizes. Hope it works. Return what doesn't. 

Trying on is best. I have purchased 40c bras same name, same model, same size, same color, and had them fit differently. Different size cups, bands, straps, you name it. QC on some brands is bad I guess. In store would be better, but I chose not to. 

[Justagirl💃]

I might suggest you having your wife measure you if you are to embarrassed to go into Torrid or Layne Bryant. 

This short video will help get you started:

https://youtu.be/YA_JfKwrF9E?si=0MfctUoryLWKjLP2

That gets you a 'starting point' only, and a selection of bras need to be tried on. I would suggest buying a cup larger and smaller in several styles, but don't remove the tags (the ones that don't fit can be returned).

For instance,  I recently gained 20 lbs (unfortunately). My band size has gone from a 44 to a 46 this morning.  
Bust measured at 51", that is 5" of differences.  
1"=A
2"=B
3"=C
4"=D
5"=DD
Making my current bra size a 46 DD. 
I have plenty of 44 DDDs in my closet that I can wear with a bra extender until I get my weight back down again. With sister sizing, the 44 DDD has the same cup size as a 46 DD. With a extender, the bras still fit perfect.  

Watch the video and measure carefully. You should find your perfect fit that way.

[50/50]

Different brands = different fits. Jockey and Bali I did wear a 38b but had go to 38c. I put off going to a 38c because I was in denial about my breast size. But Victoria secret a 40c fits better. To bad there is not a universal sizing system. If they don’t fit I normally don’t return them. I donate them to a women’s center. They even wanted all my old 38B bras. Come to find out bras are a big deal because of the expense of them. Of course they will take any donations they can.
So when starting out and not going for a fitting, it’s a crap shoot for sure.

[taxmapper]

Alot to unwind there for sure, but this is pretty much a true no judgment zone.  

My story in this is far diff. in that what is happening is totally the hand of God. But I accepted from the start and love what I am, due tot he fact that I learned long ago that everyone is different anyway. 

Keep talking and welcome in, your among friends who get it. 

[KnownVariance]

Thanks very much for the warm welcome from all of you.

I don’t doubt that I am the only one with a story like that, and I’ve made some peace with it, though there’s more to go on that road, as I imagine is the case for many here. 

Regarding a fitting, I will probably go in sometime this week, I am a bit nervous, but my wife has stated that she would be embarrassed on my behalf, and doesn’t want to come with me. I really want to go because I see it as facing the shame and overcoming the fears that I have had for the last number of years because of these things. I see it as bringing it out of the darkness and into the light. Philosophically speaking that is. The beauty of fitting in store is actually finding one that works well without having to do the online returns and all that jazz. We are usually pretty bad about that.

I am working on giving a crap about myself and working on losing the weight I have put on in an effort to hide the girls. (I’m about 260 right now, started around 280). So I hear you on the weight loss. I used to be about 180 back in 2020esque.

I appreciate your comments Taxmapper. I feel like I forced myself down this path, and I think it was a comment here that said something to the effect of ‘it doesn’t matter how you got ‘em, the fact is you have them.’ And that has been my view for a bit of time now, and why I was finally willing/thought to post. I’ve been struggling and learning and trying to accept my chest for the past 2-3 years, and I’m finally just coming around to it. I’m not fooling any one, and I might as well just move forward as best I can. 

Cheers,
Known Varience

[WPW717]

KV, 
Welcome, many divergent pathways here. “ it doesn’t matter how you got ‘em, fact is you have ‘em” is a truism.
My thumb nail sketch is a bit different.
Boobs begin to grow & painfully. Rapid progression to 44D in 18-24 months. Stable for now. Losing weight after retirement & down to 220 the hormonal profile suffered an earthquake. Falling T and aromatase converting it into E. E then became a zero too. Persona became flat according to the wife. Then a triad of tumors became evident. Genetic testing revealed a nonstandard presentation of MEN Syndrome. ( multiple endocrine neoplasia ) Had colon cancer & am old ( 76 this year ) so Testosterone Rx is out of the question. Many osteoporosis risk factors led to starting on Estrogen. It’s low dose.0375mg. It hasn’t caused any further breast growth. 
The prednisone therapy that was prescribed for Rheumatoid Arthritis that followed has put 25 lbs on my frame & I struggle to not gain more.

It would probably benefit you to get periodic hormone profiles to navigate to a more normative balance. Diet and supplements are a BIG factor in this quest. 

The chaos I encountered in my life was well mitigated by the group here & my path to acceptance was traversed rapidly. It is a great gathering of unique individuals, who have a wide range of experiences & advice. 

Again, welcome aboard, stay strong.

[taxmapper]

Oh and WPW, had the CT scan:   

PROCEDURE:
CT Abdomen and Pelvis With Intravenous Contrast.

INDICATION: Lower abdominal fullness

TECHNIQUE:
Axial computed tomography images of the abdomen and pelvis with intravenous contrast.
Coronal and sagittal reformatted images were created and reviewed.
All CT scans at this facility use dose modulation, iterative reconstruction, and/or weight
based dosing, when appropriate, to reduce radiation dose to as low as reasonably achievable.
DICOM images are available for review.

CONTRAST: Patient was intravenously administered 70 ml of Isovue-370. 0 ml discarded

COMPARISON: No prior studies are available for comparison.

FINDINGS:
Lower thorax: Mild left basilar scarring. Normal heart size. No pericardial effusion. No hiatal
hernia.

ABDOMEN:
Liver: No intrahepatic biliary dilatation. No hepatic mass is seen.
Gallbladder and bile ducts: Gallstones. No evidence of cholecystectomy.
Pancreas: Unremarkable. No ductal dilation. No mass.
Spleen: Unremarkable. No splenomegaly.
Adrenals: Unremarkable. No mass.
Kidneys and ureters: No kidney/ureteral stones. No hydronephrosis. No solid mass.

PELVIS:
Bladder: Unremarkable. No mass.
Reproductive: Unremarkable as visualized.
Appendix: There is no evidence of appendicitis.

ABDOMEN AND PELVIS:
Stomach and bowel: Unremarkable. No obstruction. No mucosal thickening.
Peritoneum: No significant fluid collection. No free air.
Abdominal Wall: No ventral hernia. Small right fatty inguinal hernia.
Lymph nodes: Unremarkable. No enlarged lymph nodes.
Vasculature: Unremarkable. No aortic aneurysm.
Bones: No acute osseous abnormalities.

IMPRESSION:
1. No acute intra-abdominal or pelvic abnormality.
2. Cholelithiasis.
3. Small right fatty inguinal hernia.

WS - RAASBWS06

I am posting this here because it is also a frame that shows we are ALL different.  Gallstones (or as they put it, gall-pebbles)  But that is also in line for someone leaning more femm. Yes men get them, but... 

So KV, the math in my dept. is WAY different but the same if you get my drift. 

[oldguy]

Thanks very much for the warm welcome from all of you.

I don’t doubt that I am the only one with a story like that, and I’ve made some peace with it, though there’s more to go on that road, as I imagine is the case for many here.

Regarding a fitting, I will probably go in sometime this week, I am a bit nervous, but my wife has stated that she would be embarrassed on my behalf, and doesn’t want to come with me. I really want to go because I see it as facing the shame and overcoming the fears that I have had for the last number of years because of these things. I see it as bringing it out of the darkness and into the light. Philosophically speaking that is. The beauty of fitting in store is actually finding one that works well without having to do the online returns and all that jazz. We are usually pretty bad about that.

I am working on giving a crap about myself and working on losing the weight I have put on in an effort to hide the girls. (I’m about 260 right now, started around 280). So I hear you on the weight loss. I used to be about 180 back in 2020esque.

I appreciate your comments Taxmapper. I feel like I forced myself down this path, and I think it was a comment here that said something to the effect of ‘it doesn’t matter how you got ‘em, the fact is you have them.’ And that has been my view for a bit of time now, and why I was finally willing/thought to post. I’ve been struggling and learning and trying to accept my chest for the past 2-3 years, and I’m finally just coming around to it. I’m not fooling any one, and I might as well just move forward as best I can.

Cheers,
Known Varience

What was done has passed.  Life is short, so make the best of it.  Get a mammogram to determine how much breast tissue you have, and rule out cancer. At 61, I began my growth.  Had Gyne.  I was overweight, so no big deal.  Still needed to wear support.  

As you lose weight, they don't change.  After losing 70lbs, I'm a 34" waist and 40C.  Being healthy is far better than the alternative.  At 75, I do my best to conceal, but not always succeed. We just had our 54th Anniversary and all is good.  Hope you experience that too.