Crossdressing?

[42CSurprise!]

I'm aware this word is like the third rail no one wants to touch... but I want to say a few words on the topic.

I know that early in my time here there was a great deal of anger among some men when the word "crossdressing" was used... as though breasts growing on our chest was some kind of fetish... a way into kinky sex.  That was the time when about the best we could do was talk about having "breasts like a woman" and needing brassieres "for comfort."  We didn't enjoy having breasts and wore brassieres ONLY because we had to if we wanted to be comfortable.

The conversation on the acceptance side of this website has gradually relaxed enough that we can explore the implications of changing hormones.  The same hormones that give us breasts are changing both our bodies and our minds.  If we choose to wear women's garments beyond the brassieres talked about it is not because we're kinky but because they fit our growing curves.  But some of us are now prepared to say we enjoy having breasts and we want them to be seen as attractive, sharing photos of our latest brassiere purchase.  We talk about becoming more feminine both in our presentation and our attitudes.  Sophie chose to transition and some among us are embracing their femininity.  Gender is being bent here... all in the name of self-acceptance.

I sent a private message this morning to a man who has participated on a crossdressing website for 15 years.  He has had gynecomastia since he was an adolescent... much like some of the men here.  I'm curious about how he has put all of this together.  Clearly, he has been focused on presenting as a woman rather than on the reality he has breasts, but both are in play.  I understand that there is a real difference between living with a fleshy chest from adolescence and suddenly having breasts appear when your doctor has prescribed medications that have this side effect.  For those of us whose bodies have LONG harbored elevated estrogen/diminished testosterone, the accommodations we've made are significant.  We've needed to come to terms with a more feminine nature.  How we do that is clearly complex and often laced with shame simply because it is never easy to be different.

Whatever has happened, it is not the result of some fetish...  It is an honest expression of who we are... as we continue to evolve and learn to accept all of who we are.

[Justagirl💃]

I'm aware this word is like the third rail no one wants to touch... but I want to say a few words on the topic.

I know that early in my time here there was a great deal of anger among some men when the word "crossdressing" was used... as though breasts growing on our chest was some kind of fetish... a way into kinky sex.  That was the time when about the best we could do was talk about having "breasts like a woman" and needing brassieres "for comfort."  We didn't enjoy having breasts and wore brassieres ONLY because we had to if we wanted to be comfortable.

The conversation on the acceptance side of this website has gradually relaxed enough that we can explore the implications of changing hormones.  The same hormones that give us breasts are changing both our bodies and our minds.  If we choose to wear women's garments beyond the brassieres talked about it is not because we're kinky but because they fit our growing curves.  But some of us are now prepared to say we enjoy having breasts and we want them to be seen as attractive, sharing photos of our latest brassiere purchase.  We talk about becoming more feminine both in our presentation and our attitudes.  Sophie chose to transition and some among us are embracing their femininity.  Gender is being bent here... all in the name of self-acceptance.

I sent a private message this morning to a man who has participated on a crossdressing website for 15 years.  He has had gynecomastia since he was an adolescent... much like some of the men here.  I'm curious about how he has put all of this together.  Clearly, he has been focused on presenting as a woman rather than on the reality he has breasts, but both are in play.  I understand that there is a real difference between living with a fleshy chest from adolescence and suddenly having breasts appear when your doctor has prescribed medications that have this side effect.  For those of us whose bodies have LONG harbored elevated estrogen/diminished testosterone, the accommodations we've made are significant.  We've needed to come to terms with a more feminine nature.  How we do that is clearly complex and often laced with shame simply because it is never easy to be different.

Whatever has happened, it is not the result of some fetish...  It is an honest expression of who we are... as we continue to evolve and learn to accept all of who we are.

Perhaps I am mistaken, but I only look at it as 'crossdressing' if you don't have any assets to support or find fitting clothes. 
In my mind, a crossdresser would have a very gender specific build yet dress the opposite gender. Sometimes using artificial breasts to fill bra cups. 

Nothing wrong with that at all!

In my specific case I think dressing in boy-mode is crossdressing. My body type is not male in the least. Even the occupational therapist has mentioned that to me (they are still intent of gendering me as male at the day-centre).😐

Truly, labels really don't matter much, and I'll politely respond to however I am politely addressed. 
I don't correct anyone anymore, but strangers address me as ma'am 99% of the time. 

Just yesterday another resident knocked asking if I was Linda. She has been accidentally receiving mail that isn't her's and was trying to find the person. 
She had seen me in the corridor a few times and thought I might be Linda. 

💞Birdie💞

[Evolver]

Yes 42C, it is complex. Crossdressing is probably a subject that is avoided by some people out of fear of incriminating themselves and being judged. That was probably true for me too, long ago, when wearing certain items of clothing without physical justification gave me a thrill rather than comfort. It is no longer thrilling for me to do so, one little bit. I couldn't give two hoots whether people here think I am one or not (I'm not 'out' to anyone IRL about my underwear choices except to my wife). I can justify wearing a bra for my genuine A-and-a bit moobs and I often do, although I don't need to for physical comfort. Using breast forms is a gray area if one alrerady wears a bra, like me - is it any different to a cis woman giving themselves a boost with 'chicken fillets' or undergoing augmentation?

I cannot justify wearing a dress, and I don't. I'm not even tempted to. I can physically justify some of my other choices though, preferring tightness 'down there' because I just don't need the room, but The Great Unwashed would certainly give me a hard time over it.

My 2c.

[Justagirl💃]

I often wonder if many of the 'titles' were inventions of those that are not? People looking for ways to describe something they saw or knew about. 🤔

Either way, I prefer 'no title' at all. I see myself as 'just me'. 

I wear a bra and female clothes firstly for the fact that men's attire doesn't fit. Also because I like how sexy I feel, is there anything wrong with that?
I don't need to stuff my bra, but who cares if I did. 
If the world would just mind their own business instead of nitpicking everything, the world would be a much better place. 

This morning I donned a men's T shirt I sometimes use while cooking. I never wear it out as it rides up my hips, and I just have to keep pulling it down. It's a constant reminder on why I don't wear them. 

[42CSurprise!]

I've read among crossdressers something that I experienced along the way, and that is in the beginning wearing women's undergarments is hyper-arousing sexually but that with time it becomes less about having orgasms than welcoming the feeling of wearing those garments..  There still is an erotic element for me in wearing a brassiere... the only item of women's clothing I wear, but I also experience what is talked about here that it feels natural to simply wear a brassiere... the band around my chest, the cups holding my breasts, the straps across my shoulders.  Conversations on the crossdressing website that get the most attention seem to be about a desire to be a woman, at least in appearance.  The forum devoted to transgender considerations is also quite active so many of these men find themselves on path similar to the one Sophie has taken.  Clearly, hormones are at play for these men as they are for men on this site.  We all come to our own decisions and since the path will last our lifetime, what we choose can change over time.  When we are able to accept ourselves and our preferences, life become much easier.  Acceptance is the key.

[42CSurprise!]

I received a response from the fellow I reached out to on the crossdressing site.  His crossdressing, like my own, is rooted in early trauma... not the fact he developed breasts as a teen.  In fact, he spoke very little about his gynecomastia.  I think Birdie has it right... we turn to women's clothing simply because they fit our rounding bodies.  I know my relationship to it all is colored by the early trauma experiences, but I have no belief anything like this is at play for men here.  We've simply been blessed by mother nature with a hormone stew that contributes to breasts blossoming on our chest.  We are invited eternally to care for ourselves as best we can... with or without brassieres or clothing from the other side of the store.  It is all good and none of it need be treated as a kink.

[Johndoe1]

If because we find bras a practical solution to a physical problem, what do call women who dress like males? It's all silly. You can't have it both ways but people try. 

[Upfront]

I wear womens  clothes so technically  I  am a crossdresser but eschew nearly all the baggage that comes with that description in the eyes of Joe Public.
JD1 is right it is silly to the point of stupidity.
Ultimately it is simple  -  there is a heap of clothes, there are  male and female people   (and shades  in between based on hormones, chromosomes or psychological  feeling)

People are free to pick clothes from the heap based on need, inclination or strong personal desire.
P
There  is very strong scientific evidence that the clothes  don't  give a damn who wears them.
Everything else in the  crossdressing debate  is artificially created hot air.
End of rant.

[42CSurprise!]

I appreciate the rants... but...  It is disingenuous to make this all about clothes when we are also willing to talk about how we feel while wearing them.  Perhaps some among us believe/feel that despite the fact they wear brassieres and panties, they are simply men no different from those who wear tee shirts and jockey shorts.  But that isn't what I hear reading comments on this side of the website.  I have argued forever that the hormonal stew that creates breasts affects how we view the world and how we view ourselves in the world.  Men who turn to crossdressing are inclined to say they want to appear to be women.  That men here dress in a way that makes them more like women with breasts suggests we are closer to that reality than men wearing breast forms in their brassieres.  I don't care whether what is happening is called crossdressing... I'm more interested both in how our bodies are changing and how we respond to those changes.  I am transgendered... not because I intend to transition but because with breasts and brassieres I'm not simply a man in drag.  I am not a man and not a woman.  I am something in between.  Crossdressing strikes me as one way of announcing my status... it is not a perversion.  Wearing a brassiere is crossdressing and it too confirms who I am... a person who has breasts but who also happens to have testes...  It strikes me that men here are really little different from men who do indulge in crossdressing... we just come to it from a different perspective.  The man I had an exchange of messages with who does have breasts simply doesn't begin his experiment with that in the forefront of his mind... as we do.

All good.  We all find ourselves on the feminine side of the gender continuum... with or without breasts to confirm our status...

[Upfront]

42C
My rant was a simplistic oversight but essentially I  agree entirely with you.

The bottom line is clothes are not the issue they are just stage props that are the visible evidence of what is going on inside us be it provable sexuality from chromosomes,  needs (eg breasts needing support), comfort, desires driven by hormonal balance,  just plain desires or usually mixtures of these "reasons" and much ,much more.
We humans are all "One offs". No one can fully understand another which is why tolerance is a for some so hard.
Clothes are merely clothes but are both very important in helping us come to terms with who we are or (possibly)  can be almost irrelevant. 

As you say , All good.
I  enjoy your  stimulating  contributions. 

[Evolver]

"Reasons." Too many to list probably. Here's a few.

Needing clothing to suit body shape
Wanting to appear as a woman
Wanting to be a woman 
Wanting to look pretty
Wanting to feel sexy
Wanting to feel normal
And the one that most people in society don't understand, needing to feel normal.

[Sophie]

Evover,
I don't think that I could agree with you more ❤️.

I ALMOST never thought of myself as a crossdresser. I started wearing a bra to deal with my breast development as a teenager. Even when I started wearing panties, Yes, it was something that I wanted to do but, they fit and felt better than the tighty whities that I had worn  until then.

I became frustrated with slacks that I had been wearing and not finding anything that would accommodate my hips, thighs and bottom. That's when I started shopping the ladies department at JCPENNEY and Macy's. I soon realized that I could also have even more options by looking in Lane Bryant and Torrid where I discovered that ladies blouses had a more suitable cut for my figure. 

I was both physically and mentally more comfortable when I began wearing my wife's skirts and dresses. I realized that I actually was a woman regardless of what was between my legs. 

I am in no way diminishing crossdressers. They are valid as well. 

Like Birdie, I am a woman regardless of what wa assigned at birth. 

❤️Sophie❤️

[Justagirl💃]

Sophie, We are women.💃 Crossdressing to me is dressing up in 'men's attire' 🤭

[42CSurprise!]

...Men who turn to crossdressing are inclined to say they want to appear to be women.  That men here dress in a way that makes them more like women with breasts suggests we are closer to that reality than men wearing breast forms in their brassieres.

I reviewed some of the private messages I had with folks on the crossdressing website.  That was in early 2020 when I first explored these issues.  As I've noted previously, I was first drawn to wearing women's lingerie because of trauma I experienced as a young boy.  When I visited that site I introduced myself as a trauma survivor and spoke about how that affected my relationship with crossdressing.  I never tried to pass, never wore a wig but I did have a strong desire to wear a brassiere.  There was a combination of disinterest to what I was saying coupled with objections from administrators of the site.  But one private message really spoke to me... from a woman whose fiance was unable to deal with the trauma rooted in his crossdressing behavior.  She was angry at those managing that site because they resisted exploring that connection.

Thank you for that post on the young man cd'er . It was excellent . I have been a member for many many years and have watched this forum develop into some sort of sideshow . There are many here like you who will NEVER admit to what happened to them sexually as young people .. instead they put on panties and suddenly they are misunderstood women ...

It used to be how can I keep my wife to totally chucking the wife , kids and friends to "live their truth " . Please .

So yes... there is a very different dynamic at play... though I've no doubt there are men drawn to crossdressing simply because they've always felt more comfortable as women and that was the first step for them on a journey that leads to transitioning.  No judgment on my part.

Again... we have breasts because hormones are doing what they do.  We are becoming more feminine.  How we respond to that reality is completely up to us.  I trust every man here to make the best choices he can about how to live with the breasts bestowed by nature...  Acceptance is key and that seems to be happening for more and more of us.  Wonderful!

[gotgyne]

The sexual hormones are not in every case the reason. I developed gynecomastia since an age of 45 years. And it was not only menopause but that I took hops pills for some years before. I knew about the "side effects", planned them and it worked. Later I told my female doctor about my TG issues and I got estrogen per prescription. But I shall stay a man with breasts although I would prefer to be a woman if I could. But I'd never pass as a woman, thus I'll nobody else tell my aims. Shortly I mentioned, that I told this a former female colleague. I should not have done it. For the public I'm a man with breasts and I'll continue this way. And of course I'll never visit a sauna or a restroom only for women, since I have my male genitals.