Why accept?

[Beeches]

Does anyone have thoughts about why some of us come to accept our breasts and eventually even celebrate them, while others simply cannot come to terms with their changing physicality?

I have the utmost respect for all who have the determination and fortitude to pursue surgery, and as one who has spent the biggest part of my life breastless, I really do get how the natural initial reaction is to seek some way, any way, to be rid of them. For a long time this was me, and I railed against what was happening to my body, looking for any way I could be rid of these uninvited female body parts. I resented this trick that my hormones were playing on me, and just wanted to be the old flat-chested me again. I exercised. I dieted. I researched all I could to find a solution. None of it changed anything.

Of course, it is very hard for any man to come to terms with the implicit feminisation that gynecomastia confronts us with. It strikes at the heart of what we assumed was our masculinity. In reality, many of the perceived problems are actually psychological rather than physical. As in all walks of life, many of us are 110% male, but have breasts, others may be less certain in our gender identity. Either way it can still feel kind of wrong and unsettling.

I am very happy for all those men who have taken on the very significant challenges of surgery, come through it all and have found contentment with the body image they have striven so long and hard to achieve.

Yet here on the ‘Acceptance’ side of the site I see the same struggles play out and just as much satisfaction once we are reconciled to our changed body image. Just as much bravery, too. It seems that whichever route we choose it is not a choice made lightly. It is heartening to see the confidence that those who have truly accepted their condition demonstrate.

So what makes one man choose surgery while another chooses acceptance?

[OHboobs]

I suspect where people are in life plays a huge factor.  I'm about to turn 48, and am married with a child.  Getting rid of my boobs would be nice, but it's not a necessity.  Outside of physical appearance, nothing would really change in my life if I got rid of them.   And there are other things I'd rather spend that much money on.  Now, if I were younger and single, I would probably give it a whole lot more consideration.  A young man with breasts is probably going to have a lot less options when it comes to potential mates, than someone who doesn't.  

[Traveler]

Now, if I were younger and single, I would probably give it a whole lot more consideration.  A young man with breasts is probably going to have a lot less options when it comes to potential mates, than someone who doesn't. 

I would disagree there. While having Gyno caused me to have considerable self image problems in my teens to mid twenties, I found most women could care less and a few that really liked them! It’s about self acceptance and having confidence. And this was back in the 80’s. Nowadays, I bet that it’s even less of a problem.

[JohannK]

I simply don't believe in cosmetic surgery, unless there's a very good reason.  And I don't consider this enough reason to go under the knife.

[Johndoe1]

For many years I wanted to remove my breasts but was afraid to talk about it. When I finally got up the nerve, when I found out what the cost was and found that my insurance would not pay for it because it was considered cosmetic, I had to seriously consider was that money worth it. After researching more, and finding many who had the reduction surgery not satisfied with the results or in some cases revision surgery was required, I felt surgery was not something I wanted to have. That didn't relieve the anxiety, actually made it worse, but it was also somehow comforting to know that I now had the information to make an informed decision and needed to look at other options. It was still several more years before a series of events happened that brought my chest to a head and I was able to see a way to accept my chest and make the decision to begin wearing a bra. It's a decision I wish I made much sooner. Life in a bra has not been the big bugaboo I had feared for years.

[MarcoB]

It's apparently the same thing for women.  Some with absolutely huge breasts go under the knife to get a breast reduction, for the reduction in back pain, shoulder pain, strange looks and unwanted comments from others, and perhaps other reasons.  Others are extremely depressed and embarrassed that their breasts are what they believe to be much too small.  I'm probably bigger than our daughter-in-law, and that's not saying much.

I know a lot of men who are "a man's man," who would be depressed, possibly angry, or who knows what else, if gyne struck them.  I've seen a bit of that from a few here on the forum in the months I've been here.  Others make the best of it and actually enjoy their breasts, like the old saying that if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  Myself, I'm still able to hide it, and for others' sake, I will, as long as I can do so without discomfort.

But look at what someone (I don't know who) thinks male models for clothing manufacturers ought to look like, or even the mannequins in the department stores:  upper-body builders, must be young, must have a full head of hair, and must have a huge package, even though I would be very embarrassed to have such a package and am even embarrassed to see other men showing theirs off in public with tight pants when they ought to be dressing more modestly.  I myself am a road cyclist, and I can tell you the kind of body shown in men's underwear ads is not the kind that goes fast on a bike, even if they can bench press or military press or curl a lot more than I can.  So no; I don't want that kind of body.  And how about hair and age?  I had a tall, slim teacher in college who was an older man with very little hair but had a marvelous beard, and from the side he was one of the handsomest men I think I've ever seen.

Or look at the ads for Fathers' Day, where you see a 22-year-old man with his kids, ages 12 and down; or a man modeling a suit with other things to try to make it look like he has 40 years of experience building businesses, when he's 22 years old and looks like he'd sooner be found shootin' hoops and spewing out foul language.

Culture can be a funny thing—and it certainly affects self-acceptance.  (I'll define "culture" as a ready-made set of answers to life's problems, even if they're very poor answers.)

So far, breast on a man are not generally accepted, nor is a bra on a man.  In the comments after an article I read, a man with gyne wrote, and a woman raked him over the coals for being a pervert to be wearing a bra.  He explained gyne, which she had never heard of, and she did apologize.  The fact that gyne and awareness are becoming more common will slowly change the acceptance, along with how readily a man can accept this unfortunate turn in life.

Kids are the most cruel though, and I especially feel for boys with breasts (like gynomom's 12YO son) who are in junior high and high school, where kids are the most cruel, the most curious, the most observant, the most concerned about being in the "in" crowd, and the least informed, and teachers and other school staff members are no help.  As we get older, we become less concerned with what others think of us.  Still, I have searched for and found ways to wear a bra to remedy the soreness and irritation even at family and social gatherings, so I'm happy with that, and that nobody is freakin' out because of what they see and deem unacceptable or embarrassing.  Nobody knows except one son I've told.  (I work at home, alone; so that part is not a problem.)

Would I like to be less limited in what I can wear?  Sure.  I'd like to be able to wear my most comfortable bra all the time, even though its outline screams "Bra!" more than the others whose shapes don't command nearly the same attention; and I'd like to be able to wear just a thin shirt over it that doesn't have to have plaids, dark stripes, or starch to hide the bra.  It's just an inconvenience though.  No depression here.

[Traveler]

Bravo Marco! Very well said.

[Johndoe1]

What you have describe Marco sounds a lot like what women say and feel about the things they have to deal with. In their case, breasts are a signal of their femininity and in attracting a mate. In our case, breasts don't serve us the same way. While I have dated women who were interested in my breasts or tried to feminize me, in the end, while I may have a small case of Pink Fog due to the elevated estrogen in my body, I have never had anyone attracted to me because of my breasts beyond a curiosity nor have I ever had any interest in males. So me and my breasts exist as women do but live my life as the man I am. And I'm OK with that now.

[bikerbob]

I think age has a lot to do with it.  While some of us got breasts at puberty, a lot of us had them show up in our 60s and 70s.  I have always been a boob guy when it comes to women and having a set of my own is sorta cool.  My wife thinks it is funny that we can wear each other's bras.  It is the younger guys over on the surgery pages who can't wait to shell out $10K to get rid of them.  To put things in perspective, the same $10K will pay for a used Corvette or Harley and a whole bunch of bras.  After 3 years of wearing a bra every day, it isn't a big deal.

[JohannK]

Oh, how I wish that $10k would fall into my lap.  There are so many things that I can do with that amount...

[JohannK]

Good point you made there.

[blad]

As one would imagine, it seemed like a disaster when I developed boobs in junior high school at the same time girls in my class were developing. All the expectant taunting was there along with the comments that I needed a bra.

Oddly, when I did try a bra for the first time out of curiosity while still in school, I was amazed at how well it fit and seemed appropriate. I also began to discover that it actually felt better to wear one. It was the beginning of acceptance, but social pressures and expectations made it slow progress.

Today, wearing a bra is such a natural thing that I forget I even have one on most of the time nor thing about it during social interactions. I am more aware if I am not wearing a bra.

[DW20]

All men like women have breasts. It is NORMAL. 
Getting rid has risks that needn't be taken. 
For me it is simple choice of accepting the normal that nature (and God if you believe) has given. 
I will admit that getting round to bra wearing to achieve the comfort I needed was a bit more of a struggle.

Having been fully bra'd up for a few years I just wonder why it took so long.. I have only had one negative comment and that from a judgemental Christian "friend" who really should have known better.
Truth is most people will not notice and most of the ones that do are likely to be women who are likely to understand. 

[Johndoe1]

DW20, you are correct. I considered early on having Male Breast Reduction Surgery, but after looking at the cost and that revision surgery was a possibility or the results would not be what I expected, I decided I could find a way to live with my breasts. I have seen posts on other boards of men who have had the surgery and many are not happy with the end results and some end up with worse conditions than before. While I will not criticize anyone's personal choice of whether to have MBR or not, because everyone's situation is different; for me I decided that was a procedure I didn't want to chance. It's the old saying, better the devil you know than the devil you don't know.

It's also interesting that of the people who know that I wear a bra, all are women and all have been very supportive (pun intended) including giving me tips on how to wear certain tops and how to de-emphasis their appearance. While that number is very small, less than 10 total including medical personnel, they all sympathize and understand and have been helpful in their own way that has also given me confidence. Of the very few total strangers over the years of bra wearing who have noticed, none have ever verbalized, all are women, and have smiled in a way to signal they understand and sympathize. That too has been reassuring as well. Something I didn't expect. That has made acceptance easier as well.

[aboywithgirls]

Why accept? For me, I've had them for most of my life. I've worn a bra every day since I was sixteen. It's been over 30 years now of wearing a bra.

I don't want the cost, pain, recovery or the risk of complications from surgery. I don't mind having them and I don't mind wearing a bra because I do have them. Im a 36H and they are unmistakably feminine breasts. There is no amount of compression or binding (which is not recommended or healthy) that will be effective. 

I can say that spending $70-100 for a decent bra that fits is a lot of money but well worth it. If you have ever broken an underwire or a broken strap or hook half way through the day, then you will probably agree. A good quality, properly fitted bra makes life so much better. I  have a couple of great boutiques in my area that carry my size. I can shop there completely comfortable and all the ladies know me. They treat me like any other woman who is there for the same reasons...comfort and support. 

I also have to visit my breast care center every other year and have a mammogram and an ultrasound done because of my breast size and family history. Im not embarrassed by it. The only time I was embarrassed was a few years ago when I expressed milk when the scanner compressed each of my breasts for imaging. 

Once you accept having breasts as a part of your life, you will discover that other will accept it to.