For me, I have always been a Beta male. Never wanting to push the envelope, so to speak. Never being aggressive. This is all I know. I have seen the testosterone aggression in other male relatives and many times with negative results. I fear that could have/be me. As the estrogen has enveloped me more and more over the years, my desire to "hang out" with the guys is not something I enjoy doing. I don't feel like I fit in with them.
I can relate to that.
I need to preface what I'm about to say by admitting that I've never had my E levels tested, but I do get my T tested regularly and it is consistently in the lower half of normal range for my age. I'm only assuming that I am estrogen dominant because of my heart and soul, which manifests itself through my feelings, emotions and mannerisms. This assumption is also based on the fact that I think I have pseudo instead of genuine gynecomastia. That said, I can't feel any fibrous tissue in my wife's D-cup breasts either!
It doesn't happen anymore, but I used to thoroughly enjoy the rare, raucous, boozy night out at the pub, normally with workmates for a send-off or something. Good times. But, it was always good to leave early and retreat to the comfort of what I knew best. I was never one to do an all-nighter.
About a month ago my wife and I went to our son's place for dinner and our D.I.L.'s parents were also there, who we have become good friends with. Takeout was ordered and my son went to pick it up, his F.I.L said he'd go too, I wasn't asked but could have easily latched on, but I chose not to. I had a grand old time sitting there in pure female company instead!
It was my wife's birthday a couple of weeks ago. Part of our routine for those occasions is to get a soppy card, add to it with our own words and leave it on the pillow for it to be read at bedtime the night before. I found the perfect one for her this year, all about how I'm aware that I can't always express myself properly and that she might feel underappreciated as a result. As she read it, I broke down unashamedly. I used to fight the urge to display such emotion, but no more, because it happens too often. A few nights ago, we watched the finale of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! which still runs here (Frankie Muniz was on it this year!) and they got to the final three contestants and the producers brought their families over to surprise them. Again, I let go, and my face could have watered the garden. I've always felt like crying under the same circumstances previously, but now I just let it out instead of blocking it. What is happening to me? (rhetorical question)