Why we should encourage new visitors to try a bra

[blad]

There has been a considerable amount of discussion on the over promotion of bras on the acceptance threads.

I strongly take the opposite view.  

Guys who search theses particular pages are almost certainly aware of their breast like growth and are aware of the bra option. After all, it is no secret that the vast percentage of the population who have breasts elect to wear a bra. They are at least curious as to what others with the same situation of breast development have to say on the use of a bra and the experiences of others. They are testing the waters if this may be something to seriously consider. They would not likely be looking here if they had a strong objection to wearing a bra and were completely closed off to the option. Talk by cross dressing alarmists is what could scare off those considering a bra, not the discussions by those who have embraced a bra as the solution to their needs and want to pass on useful real work experiences and advice. 

Those that have no interest in accepting and living with their breasts are looking at the surgical side of this site and are not shopping here. I think it could be a strong encouragement to some to see that many guys are at piece with their breast development and, just like a women, have found a bra to be a functional and sometimes very necessary item of everyday clothing. I am not going to be apologetic that I have breasts and find a bra to be a practical solution to every day comfort and even confidence in how I present. That is what these pages are for. Otherwise, fill your boots with all the surgical threads. 

Those of us who decide that we are better off accepting daily use of a bra, do not need to be called down in any way if we wish to pass on our experiences with the purpose of helping others. We are being positive that the use of a simple functional garment called a bra controls any unwanted breast movement and provides a solution to the discomfort that unsupported breasts often have, just like women have discovered for a long time. Guys with Gyno looking here need to know that those of us wearing a bra on a daily basis just find it becomes like a pair of socks, that we forget we are even wearing one much of the time, do not think about it in a public setting, and that life goes on normally, but with one potential irritation now under control.

There is the acceptance of a bra for the comfort and control reasons, but also the perceived stigma new comers will obviously feel if others know they wear a bra. Arguments about what is and is not crossdressing do not help these new comers to feel that a bra can become just a normal everyday garment. The word should not be used period in this forum. Rather, new members should have experiences shared how most of us fly under the radar and how no one sees or cares about our bras. They need tips to build confidence, not labels to scare them off. 

And if a new member posts a picture of them in there first bras, they are being very forthright and obviously must feel they are looking ok in their bra, as it is a big step to share with others. It is helpful that some here comment that they are looking good and clearly are benefitting from the support they now have. And that they may benefit wearing a bra for the rest of their life as many of us have concluded for ourselves. 

I feel that if more guys with Gyno actually tried a well fitting bra that more would end their search of a surgical solution. To that end, comments of trying to get a fitting and making sure they have a comfortable experience with their first bras is very helpful to making a fair evaluation. Surgery is a one way expensive street while a good fitting bra is at least a holding pattern for those with some breast support discomfort, if not a final solution.

Lets be SUPPORTIVE 

[42CSurprise!]

Well said Blad.  The irony for me as a person who HAS crossdressed during my life which I now understand was the product of sexual trauma when I was a boy, is acceptance of my breasts has really dissolved the feelings that always led me to crossdress.  Yes, I'm wearing a brassiere and enjoying both the feelings and look, but this is a completely different experience.  I'm being me, without shame or judgment.  No doubt it is men here who've come to peace with their developing breasts who have made it possible for me to find acceptance.  I'd like to believe we can offer that to all the men dealing by gynecomastia... the Gyno Guys as you put it.  Sounds like a rock band or men's group...

[JohannK]

You certainly made some decent arguments there, that I can understand the reasoning behind.  But still, I'd prefer to keep a more neutral/objective approach myself when it comes to giving advice.  Meaning don't avoid mentioning bras (or the pros/cons of wearing), but also don't make a decision for the person asking questions.

As for my take on the term crosdressing, a bit over a year ago it was a "plain and simple" definition, so a man wearing women's clothes or vice versa.  But now that I've spent some time here that changed, as obviously there are cases where it makes sense to shop on the other side.  So I'd say crossdressing is wearing clothes of the opposite sex for the sake of it (regardless of how far you're taking it).

[Dale Warnio]

You said it perfectly, blad, thank you. We should be open-minded, non-judgmental, and supportive here. 

[Traveler]

When I first found this site it was really already a forgone conclusion for me needing support. Id read so many different threads it became more about my comfort and how to navigate the world wearing a bra. The different styles that would work for me. The way to dress to minimize the fact I was wearing a bra in public. Also, to realize that most people wouldn’t notice or care as long as I wasn’t flaunting it. 
I’m with blad on with the recommendation of wearing a bra when really, the ones who need support already know that they do and are here just looking for acceptance for something that society says they shouldn’t be wearing. How far they want to go is up to them. Because really, they already know the answer to that question.

[42CSurprise!]

This is the side of the website focusing on acceptance, which isn't necessarily easy to do after a lifetime of embarrassment, even shame over the fact of having enlarged breasts as teens and men.  Acceptance definitely is not dependent on wearing a brassiere, but acceptance really is the only way a man is going to come to the decision to put a brassiere on and see how it feels.  Simple statements made here are very helpful... men showing photos of their breasts and of the brassieres they choose to wear, tell a powerful story.  Wearing a brassiere does not mean we want to become women.  Men who want to transition are not spending time on this website embarrassed about their breasts... they're on the websites devoted to growing breasts and preparing for sex change operations.  I think the push and pull that happens even in the Acceptance forums comes from discomfort with the simple fact we have breasts... as though we've violated the terms of our masculinity.  Honestly, we do ourselves and others a disservice when we slip into those arguments.  We are as we are.  Can we accept and care for ourselves as we are?  That is the only important question, one which can naturally lead to investigation whether wearing a brassiere will help us physically and even mentally.

[Charlee]

This has gotten a lot longer than needed, I'm sorry. But I'm low on time to revise lol and again, thank you to those who commented, cause those like myself, who have accepted his breasts are growing still, and coming to the realization a bra may be a necessity, find total comfort in the encouragement this forum gives. Wearing a bra freaks me out and scares me but this forum makes me feel better about the idea of regular wear. And hope others like myself find this forum as helpful in coming to terms with the idea.

Dude, I rarely, if ever, read long-winded posts, but made an exception today. You managed to hit so many points on the head, I'm humbled by your words.
I too have the same fears you quoted. Family, friends, public discovery. But, I hope the rest of the world has my opinion that when I notice something odd, I don't "notice" it and make an issue of it.

[blad]

I know my anxieties and concerns will fade as I wear a bra in colors or clothes that may show hints and notice no one noticing or staring. Personal case study I guess lol.
I don’t think my wife would approve at all but I’m not home often and I am at a point where wearing a bra is something I feel I need to get used to. And all thanks to this forum for making me feel this comfortable so far in doing so.

As you wear a bra full time, it does not take long before it is second nature to put it on in the morning and not remove it until night, just like socks. You will begin to even forget you have one on for most of the day and it will not be on your mind at all as you go about your day in public. You simply forget about it while obtaining the support your breasts have come to need. In fact, you begin to be hyper aware if at any point you are braless due to the negative sensations. 

I maintain the view that most wives will begin to also accept the need of a bra when the evidence of significant breast development is staring them in the face. All they want to know is that the bra is for function and not part of other issues.

I am satisfied to see this thread as a catalyst for constructive discussions. I also note that  the comments made by a "William" have disappeared on some other threads. Comments that were not useful for this part of the forum.

[MarcoB]

Dudewithboobs, good post.  Yes, I read it all.  My own experience and thinking is similar.

[42CSurprise!]

...I found sites like Susan's Place, where I'd imagine anyone here who is looking to transition or feminize would go after browsing their site. I found other sites like Cheryl's Room and BreastNexus and found the similar stuff and left. I got on picture sites like flickr and imgur and tried to find men with breasts to see if any others were like me, and found pretty much just crossdressers and wannabe's. Turned to other socials like Reddit and Facebook Groups and found the same. Finally came across this site after I went to a follow up with the dr and he officially said a word I never heard before "gynecomastia". Used that to google that specifically and came across this page. Gave it a try and success...

I've wandered the internet much as you have and visited a number of the sites you did.  I also have spent a year and a half on a website called MaleSurivor.org which as the name suggests is from men who were sexually abused as boys.  That happened to me and the experience contributed to my turning to crossdressing when I was 12 years old.  I mention that simply to say coming to terms with gynecomastia and the possibility of wearing brassieres becomes much more complicated when that HAS been a sexual component to the wearing of anything feminine.  I find myself betwixt and between since I'm not simply a man who has breasts growing on his chest, but a sexual abuse survivor who has used crossdressing to manage the stresses of life.  I know that the themes of crossdressing don't really belong on this website, but at the same time talking about breast growth while committed to being a man doesn't play well on crossdressing websites.  In addition it is ALL a bit much for a website for trauma survivors, though I have spoken about these issues there.

I'll do my best to keep my focus clear here but I would be telling a lie if I said I don't enjoy conversations about enjoying having breasts and the sexual feelings that can come with that simple fact.  I understand that becomes confusing.  Do we wear only sports bras, or pretty bras with lace trim... not because its less warm but because we like the look?  Again, difficult matters to consider if all we're looking for is the best utilitarian solution to an engineering problem.  That sounds like a manly thing to do.  I'm good at solving problems like that... but this seems a bit more complex...

[42CSurprise!]

What strikes me from your last comment Dude is the fact you haven't told your wife about the brassieres.  That has such a familiar ring to it after reading on a crossdressing website where they use the acronym DADT... for, you guessed it, Don't Ask, Don't Tell... the old Pentagon method of contending with gays in the military.  Even though the intention is different... for them pretending to be women... for you wishing to feel comfortable in your body... but both from a place of believing wives wouldn't be understanding.

I live alone but have a very close friendship with my former wife.  She knows about my history of crossdressing which I never indulged in before or during our marriage.  I told her about it before we were married and again decades after we'd divorced.  She said something similar to what you did... crossdressing is certainly among the most benign responses to sexual trauma.  (Trust me... there were many others not quite so benign.)  But I have said nothing to her about my explorations the last four or five months and certainly have never worn a brassiere during our time together.  Clearly, talking about breasts and brassieres is a bit of a minefield.  The men on the crossdressing site who have the full support and occasionally participation of their wives are celebrated.  Carrying secrets in a marriage is a recipe for disaster AND this topic is not easy to discuss.

Nice collection of brassieres... I have one on order right now from E-Bay where I make all my purchases.  I prefer unpadded underwire brassieres.  I can't help but say I enjoy the process of shopping, buying and then trying out brassieres... my little secret.

[42CSurprise!]

I'm not likely the best person to give relationship advice because I've been married AND divorced FOUR times.  Clearly, I did not have an easy time with intimacy, something I understand better as I've unpacked the trauma I experienced.

You mention that you and your wife haven't been intimate in seven months, so it appears something is going on already.  If the two of you are experiencing some distance in your relationship it likely isn't the best time to bring this up.  But if the moment feels right, I'd be inclined to say something simple like... "Could we talk about something personal?"  If she says yes, you can say something like "I'm embarrassed to share with you the fact my body has been changing and it seems my breasts are getting larger.  I've been doing some research online and it appears I may have a hormonal imbalance."  You give her an opportunity to respond.  Hopefully, if she loves you she won't tell you to leave your home.  From there you can speak about the discomfort you feel.  You could go from there to mentioning this website and that you learned some men are dealing with this condition by wearing a brassiere.

What you would want from a conversation like this is not to convince her of anything, but to earn her support in finding the healthiest solution to the problem.  You can talk about the option of surgery and if you have reservations about that you would share those.  You could talk about discussions here on acceptance and how men are working with that.  Allow it to be a conversation.  Answer her questions.  Seriously, if she can't join you in what is a serious discussion about a real life health condition then this may not be a relationship worth salvaging.  You HAVE breasts and you didn't get them to spite her.  They simply came.  A solid partnership will find a way of responding to the reality of the moment.  And NO, this isn't easy for any of us.

[blad]

I think 42C gave an excellent answer to introducing the issue. The timing is something to ponder.

It was very liberating way back for my wife to be on board with my need for a bra. From then on I could wear what I felt I needed without issue and be open about it. If the home front is happy it is easier to go forth in public and wear what makes you comfortable. (And you can tell her you are saving all that money that surgery would cost).

[curiousk]

42C said exactly what I would have said.  While I’ve had breasts when we meant, they are bigger for sure now.  She knew that it was a source of discomfort, but lived with it.   With the inspiration from this forum, it forced me to come to the fact that my breasts were large enough to need support and that wearing a bra would be helpful.   
I did go to a store to try on bras first to start  wrapping my head around the idea of it and to see myself in the mirror.   After that was the talk with my wife.  I was scared for sure that would think I was a weirdo or say something hurtful.  All she said was” ok, that’s no problem “.   I explained my discomfort and I wasn’t interested in surgery, so I thought that wearing a bra was a good solution.  From that, she told he wear what was comfortable and would help.
Now, we don’t talk about it or go shopping for bras together.   I don’t think it’s necessary.  I have my drawer with my bras and she has hers.   When I get dressed in the morning, I put one on with her in the room, sometimes in the bathroom.   Sometimes I ask for her help with my straps or does this top go with my bra.  
I appreciate how tough this is but honesty about what’s happening to your body and being true to your feelings about it is a great place to start.  Good luck to you.

[42CSurprise!]

...I don't think I'd tell her about the forum. Women seem to be ok to process and talk to people before talking to the person to get ideas and know if how they're thinking is justified and right. But it seems if a man talks with others about something before talking to the significant other who they feel should, and rightfully so, the first in line for communication, then it just seems like they feel betrayed more than not...
 

She may react like that but on the other hand, it could be helpful if you framed reaching out to this website because of your confusion about what changes in your chest.  You needed to answer a few questions before you felt comfortable even talking about this subject, with her or anyone else.  Of course, you wouldn't tell her everything you share here.  My guess is she doesn't tell you everything she says about your relationship to her friends.  While open communication is important that doesn't mean everything in our lives is shared with our partners.

With regard to your libido I've been musing about that.  I was quite inhibited sexually in part because of my upbringing and in part because the sexual trauma created so much confusion.  Yes, given the opportunity I would eventually get the job done and I did enjoy it a great deal.  But gynecomastia IS the result of how hormones operate in our bodies.  Since we're fixated as a culture on what bodies should look like, we have a great deal of suffering.  Women who are pudgy or who are flat chested struggle mightily... extreme diets to become a thin as possible and dreams of breast augmentation to get the boobs they long for.  Guys with breasts protruding from their chest come here to have them cut off so the flat chest that is the gold standard can be achieved.  Of course, cutting off breasts doesn't change the hormonal balance in the body.  The question often touched upon here is how the hormones that produced the bumps on our chest are playing out with the rest of our body AND our sexuality.

I've had what I now understand is clinically called gynecomastia since I was a teen.  It is likely this hormonal arrangement that left me with a body that has never been muscular.  I've worked out in the gym at various times in my life and no matter how diligent I was, how intense my workout, my basic body was soft... could we say feminine?  I look at men with hard bodies and marvel at the difference.  Clearly, I'm not a manly man.  And as I've gotten older my body is becoming more feminine.  I'm not taking any medicines that would contribute to breast growth but that is surely what is happening.  I also have a much diminished libido.  Rigid erections are a thing of the past.  Doubtless testosterone is diminishing... likely a significant contributor to my breast growth.

I don't believe any of this is a problem unless I make it one.  I inherited THIS body from my mother, a large breasted woman and my father, a rather slight man who developed a pot as he got older.  Bumps developed on my chest as a teen and I was embarrassed.  I began hiding them with careful clothing choices.  I've done that my whole life... even as the sexual trauma tripped me into crossdressing in which I exaggerated my breasts.  That was not a fulfilling life path but it is what happened with this confluence of factors.  Now I'm attending to this reality in a new way... acknowledging that I have breasts... allowing myself to enjoy the breasts I have... and accepting my body with its diminished libido for being exactly what it is.  I don't need to reject any of this and I certainly would never think about cutting off part of my body so I can satisfy the delusion there is a perfect body and I need one.