28 years old with no life, all thanks to gyno

[Worrier]

and you're quite wrong hypo.

body dysmorphic disorder is simple taking a flaw.. real or not and greatly exagerating it..

having breasts and being a male again is awkward, but it is a con dition many people suffer from.

people make fun of it on tv.

i'm sure everyone has come into contact with the condition, and it is nothing big to anyone.

this person, is without a doubt suffering from bdd.  HE has taking a condition.. yes gyno, and turned it into something where he feels he cannot function with.

people who suffer with bdd constantly try to hide whatever they hate about themselves... This guy never took his shirt off in front of anyone.  Even if he has the condition, i'm sure in his mind he thinks he is some kind of mutant or freak ..

which he is not.

point here is... simple

he feels his gyno makes him undesirable/incredibly ugly/a freak.  Which is not the case.  HE is suffering from BDD, pure and simple.

Mr Fantastic I agree with your post broadly. I have been diagnosed with BDD. Had it around fifteen years now. Bdd is in fact very complicated , as hypo says you can completely invent an issue with your appearance I have done this in the past with certain body parts.

However It is also possible as you have said to take a minor flaw and greatly exaggerate it. I have a very minor issue of gyno on one side ,I have been told this by numerous people, doctors , psychologists etc. To me it is huge and Iam a freak.

I have in the past worn jumpers in the summer and refused to go swimming etc.Just like people do here with more seroius cases. In reality I apparently can wear tight t-shirts wothout a problem... the problem can only be seen with my t-shirt off and at close proximity.

Although I have told people on this site it is slight or minor in reality I think it is a D cup....I have been refused an op on the nhs because it is not bad enough. My psychologist has advised agianst surgery as she feels I will 'invent' something else again and what is there is extremely hard to see.I do not believe them and remain convinced that I am right ab out this.

If I had a choice between removing my 'puffy nip' by surgery and being mentally well. I  would choose the latter.AS many years of my life has been wasted even before the 'gyno'

I would not say that the op has BDD as Iam not a shrink. True BDD is very rare and we should not make assumptions on this site about someones mental health, the guy could just be depressed and no wonder if he has gyno. I do think the op as well as looking into surgery should see a doctor other than a PS as well and tell them about how he feels. H e does sound very upset You would not want an unscruplus PS to take advantage of this if in  fact it is BDD.

[Hypo-is-here]

and you're quite wrong hypo.

body dysmorphic disorder is simple taking a flaw.. real or not and greatly exagerating it..

having breasts and being a male again is awkward, but it is a con dition many people suffer from.

people make fun of it on tv.

i'm sure everyone has come into contact with the condition, and it is nothing big to anyone.

this person, is without a doubt suffering from bdd.  HE has taking a condition.. yes gyno, and turned it into something where he feels he cannot function with.

The fact is some people with gynecomastia deal with it better than others for all sorts of reasons, sometimes this is due to the extent of the gynecomastia itself, sometimes it relates to the individuals sensitivity or bad experiences where they have been exposed to the actions of others etc.

These things need careful consideration by medical professionals and help from caring lay people.

But one thing for sure your definition of BDD is completely wrong and your view on gynecomastia is completely insensitive.

I had significant gynecomastia, it made me feel horrendous because it was impossible to conseal due to how significant it was.  Now I developed most of it at 28 years old.  Prior to its development I never had a problem with my body.  So I cannot be said to have had BDD.  When the very real problem developed it affected me very badly in a not too disimilar way to this guy.  Now that the gynecomastia has been removed I no longer have any issue with myself or my body at all.

I felt terrible because a very real and significant physical issue.  Now that it has gone I feel happy about myself as I did prior.

How on earth do you know if this guy has BDD as opposed to a proper case of gynecomastia and psychological trauma?

You are bandying about a diagnosis that you are not remotely qualified to offer.

This guy sounds to me as though he has trauma and has been badly affected by gynecomastia.  

Now if gynecomastia is there, particularly if significant you are talking complete rubbish.


BDD definition is;

pathological preoccupation with an imagined or slight physical defect of one's body to the point of causing significant stress or behavioral impairment in several areas (as work and personal relationships)

If the gynecomastia is significant enough to be bullied over I would say that the condition is not imagined and is not slight- therefore it is not BDD.

In the AACE (American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists) guidelines it states quote.

Many men have psychological problems resulting from gynecomastia.  This should be taken seriously and discussed with the patient.

You are basically guilty at present of saying that anyone who suffers greatly from gynecomastia hass BDD.

You are like I say utterly wrong and very insensitive.

In fact if you maintain that position I would suggest that this really isn't the website for you.

ruined life doesn't need a plastic surgeon

he needs a psychiatric help

if he is being serious, he is 100% fucked up.

it's just breast tissue..

seriously if he didn' t have breasts i really doubt he would be a completely different person.  his issues would remain with him, no doubt.

Did you listen to a word I said, or indeed a word he said

I seriously doubt it.

He was bullied remorslessly for years.

This type of thing causes psychological trauma and the gynecomastia is the physical manifestation of that trauma.

I think he needs help from a therapist to try and undo some of the things that have happened in his life and move on.  At a latter sage he may choose to live with gynecomastia or have surgery to remove it.

But the choices are/will be his his not yours!!!!

This website is a support group and you are not being very supportive and once again you are still not qualified to pass judgement in the manner you have.

In terms of the way you act- Shape up up ship out pal!!

This website needs people who are thoughtful, act with consideration, do not pass judgment so easily and ultimately act in the interests of those asking for help and so far you just being a pain in the ass and not helping nobody.

Now I am not arguing with you further, you can have the last word if that is what you want, but trust me you would be better placed to think about the ramifications of your actions and ask yourself how you can help people in future- cause this sure ain't it.

[carguy]

i feel your pain ruined.
I know for a fact i would be a better person if i had never had gyno. you're definetly not alone.

[Grandpa Bambu]

What i phucking hate is people telling him that he can take his tshirt off, he can swim, can he go to the beach with his girl.

Why do you 'hate' people telling him that?

PLEASE DONT TELL HIM HE CAN BE NORMAL.

No, not 'Normal' Dude....  What is 'normal' anyways? Everybody is different and everyone 'perceives' things differently. What he might be able to achieve, is a much more manageable life.

John.

[scutaro]

Dude, You are going to be fine. The hardest part is walking into the doctor's office and telling them exactly what you want changed. I couldn't do this and it took me twice to build up the courage! I went through this operation and I would do it again in an instant because of the difference it has made in my life. I still have residual effects but nothing compared to what bothered me before.
I sincerely wish you good luck, sack up and make a change because God help's those that help themselves and I'm not even religious.

[Snake]

Just keep things in perspective, you could lose a leg in Iraq or get cancer or AIDS or worse.  All of us here have this same thing.  You're not alone.  

Decide for yourself if you can just live with it or not.  Seems to me like you can't.  If not, then fix it.  If you had jacked up teeth you'd get braces, right?  If you had a cleft lip or a gigantic-ass mole on your face you'd have it fixed, right?  Well, since you have boobs and men shouldn't really have boobs then you should go ahead and have that fixed if it really bugs you.  

Yeah, you have issues and we all do to some extent, especially us gyne sufferers.  You may need therapy or whatever but if you fix the gyne that will be a big load off your chest and one less thing to worry about.  

I wish I could do it myself I'm just in too much debt right now.  

[Drastic99]

This is the problem with posting on any forum; you will get diverse opinions.

My opinion is that both sides are right, in a way.

I COMPLETELY understand that ruined has had his life ruined because of this teasing. It can be brutal. It's not a perceived condition or BDD. Fantastic, if you were in a fire and became horribly scarred, where you walked down the street and everyone pointed at you and laughed to the point where it made you VERY uncomfortable (think like the film  man without a face), would you like to be told what you are saying? No psychologist can change the way you look.  Now if this guy has very slight gyne and is acting this way, then I would agree with the BDD. But my guess is he doesn't or he wouldn't get teased THAT bad. Maybe a remark here and there but that bad? No way.

On the other hand, Ruined, you can't just scream like that when you get a comment you don't like. If you post in a public forum, expect to get differing responses. I agree with those who feel you would get upset about something else if the gyne was removed. This is just your personality type. Whether you gain weight again, go bald, or what not. Something will ALWAYS bother you. I'm not saying it's your fault but this is your personality type. I know it is because it is mine as well. And I have been to therapy over it and it hasn't helped.

For whoever said it, yes he COULD go out without a shirt. But like the person who is burned head to toe could do it too, no one would blame him for not doing it.

I, for one, hate it when people say "it could always be worse." If I get in an accident and end up like Christopher Reeve, should I be ok with it because "hey it could be worst than that"? One thing I have learned over the years is that it can ALWAYS be worse, but it can also ALWAYS be better.

Ruined, just get the surgery. Even if you will always dwell on something in your life, at least this would be ONE thing. My one fear, however, is that you get the surgery and you start to panic about if it came out ok or start blasting the doctor because it isn't what you expect (perfection).

Again, I speak from experience with these thoughts.

[unisys]

We all are on this site because we have a problem that we wish to find a solution for.  If gyne did not have a significant impact on our lives, people wouldn't spend years following this message board with hundreds of posts.  They also wouldn't keep coming back to help newcomers even though they have been successfuly treated (It is great that they do though).

Since our goal is to help ourselves and help others overcome this problem, we should keep in mind that we all come from different backgrounds and belong to different social situations.  This means that the real impact of gynecomastia varies for each and every person on here.

There is a huge difference in how gynecomastia is accepted by different segments of the population across the world.  There are some countries or states where nobody would even notice gynecomastia or care, but there are also areas of the world where the one would be ridiculed for life if they went out in public with this condition.

Of course anyone can live a normal life with this condition, but you could say that about anything and everything that happens in life.  It's hypocritical to use that as an excuse to ridicule the OP.  None of us would be here very long if that were the case.

The OP came here for some moral support but mostly for guidance on finding a solution to this problem.  Reading his original post its easy to understand that the OP obviously feels the gyne has a horrendous impact on his life and he wishes to find a solution, not just sympathy.  It seems foolish and downright INSULTING to feed him the same politically correct bullshet, i.e.  'you can live with this problem' or 'if it affects you this much it might just be in your head.'  

That's obviously not what he came here for, and there is no need to tell him that on this message board.  I see absolutely nothing wrong with the way he responded to some people's criticisms.

[Hypo-is-here]

Well said unisys, I couldn't agree more.

First and foremost this is a support site.

To me that means you either try to support people, get support yourself or....well;

If your influence is negative and dismissive, I say better that you leave because and find yourself a site that is more appropriate for your concerns.

[mrfantastic5]

ok, let him post a picture

if he has an insanely great case at which people actually do stare and treat him like a burn victim.. tehe(doubtful)

i will totally take everything back


my guess, he has gyno.

but a case like many people have.. people who are not crying and threatening suicide... people who do not even care that they have breasts.

gyno is devestating.  But wanting to kill yourself over it is inane, and basically calls for psychiatric help.

[mrfantastic5]

also .. i'll add that if his case is very severe he is most likely overweight.

i have never seen a picture, or somone in real life who has a SEVERE case and is not obesse to say the least.

people who have normal bodyfats and have gyno.. usually have moderate cases..

cases which do make them different.. but not freaks that people stare at.

once again, everyone gets teased.  

Teasing is a part of growing up/going to school.  I very much doubt anyone cares about his breasts or teases him now.  I don't know anyone in their 20's who would actually tease somone like people do in highschool/middleschool/elementary school.

ANd to get back on point.. if he has a huge case.. he's probably fat, and people dont even realize he has breast tissue and probably just think he has boobs do to him being overweight.

making no one think he is a freak

i laughed at the burn victim analogy lol.

sooo many people suffer from gyno it's ridiculous.  Seriously, go to the grocery store in not such an affluent town in the summer.  I gaurante you at least 70% of the male poplulation in that store will be suffering from gyno.

[kev]

I have on and off this board for 5 years now and I have never seen such an insensitive reaction as to that which ruinedlife received.

ruinedlife:

- developed gyne early
- other people's reactions to him have been punctuated by a preoccupation with his gyne
- has been physically and emotionally abused
- has never had much of a chance to develop self-confidence
- this has lead to financial, social and status related problems due to hot having a job
- of course he is obsessed with his boobs!  Look at the grief they have brought on!

I had all of the above.  I have had surgery and all in all have had a wonderful life since then.  Yes, since that month. Not been easy, I still have residual obsessions about my body, my chest is pretty heavily scarred etc. (be careful and realistic about surgery - I needed a revision as well) but at least I was able to lead a damn life after it with a job and regular clothes. Got a good job. Got some self-confidence.  Hell I used to have to build homemade chest-flattening contraptions and squeeze myself into them in order to go for the newspapers!  

ruinedlife - don't expect wonders but expect to heal.  See a doctor.  Think about surgery.  Be realistic about what it can and can't do. Maybe get some counselling.  Try and do it before too long.  Think about healing your whole person - boobs, mind, emotions spirit - you will have to address them all after what you have been through over so long.  You will never be fully over all the trauma but there is a life out there for you and an escape from the misery you have been going through.

And above all, don't waste time trying to argue with people that it's all in your head.  That's too pat, too one-dimensional, too bloody ignorant, too bloody closed-minded to see that somebody else's life experience and reactions are different to theirs.  Ignore them.  Ignore the bullshit BDD specialists - BDD may indeed be an element in your life but nobody here can diagnose that from a posting.

Good luck buddy.  I wish you the very, very best on your journey to some contentment.

kev

PS I am so glad I got a much better reaction to when I first posted on this board 4 or 5 years ago (it used to be on another website then, can't remember the name...)  I would have been crushed if at that sensitive time I got some of the replies that ruinedlife got.  I needed support, not debate, not being told I didn't have a problem, not being told that it was all in my head and that I primarily had a psychiatric problem.  Not half-assed diagnoses. I got encouragement and support and advice.

[Worrier]

also .. i'll add that if his case is very severe he is most likely overweight.

i have never seen a picture, or somone in real life who has a SEVERE case and is not obesse to say the least.

people who have normal bodyfats and have gyno.. usually have moderate cases..

cases which do make them different.. but not freaks that people stare at.

once again, everyone gets teased.  

Teasing is a part of growing up/going to school.  I very much doubt anyone cares about his breasts or teases him now.  I don't know anyone in their 20's who would actually tease somone like people do in highschool/middleschool/elementary school.

ANd to get back on point.. if he has a huge case.. he's probably fat, and people dont even realize he has breast tissue and probably just think he has boobs do to him being overweight.

making no one think he is a freak

i laughed at the burn victim analogy lol.

sooo many people suffer from gyno it's ridiculous.  Seriously, go to the grocery store in not such an affluent town in the summer.  I gaurante you at least 70% of the male poplulation in that store will be suffering from gyno.

You have now really gripped my SH** pal. Making generalistions again. I have seen people with low body fat with pretty bad cases of gyno, so what you have said is untrue. Have you seen 'ruined life'? ,no , I don't know why you would make a half arsed statement like this.
       'ruined life ' has been through a hell of a lot , and he deserves a bit of respect and understanding on this board of all places.Yes he is upset but if we had gone through exactly what he had been through maybe we would be the same.
      Surgery could well help 'ruined life' move on with his life and I hope it does. I think though 'ruined life should get several different opinions on  his gyno as I Would hate for him too rush into something that doesn't work out as he sounds like he has suffered enough.  :-/

[Hypo-is-here]

ok, let him post a picture

if he has an insanely great case at which people actually do stare and treat him like a burn victim.. tehe(doubtful)

i will totally take everything back

my guess, he has gyno.

but a case like many people have.. people who are not crying and threatening suicide... people who do not even care that they have breasts.

gyno is devestating.  But wanting to kill yourself over it is inane, and basically calls for psychiatric help.

also .. i'll add that if his case is very severe he is most likely overweight.

i have never seen a picture, or somone in real life who has a SEVERE case and is not obesse to say the least.

people who have normal bodyfats and have gyno.. usually have moderate cases..

cases which do make them different.. but not freaks that people stare at.

once again, everyone gets teased.  

Teasing is a part of growing up/going to school.  I very much doubt anyone cares about his breasts or teases him now.  I don't know anyone in their 20's who would actually tease somone like people do in highschool/middleschool/elementary school.

ANd to get back on point.. if he has a huge case.. he's probably fat, and people dont even realize he has breast tissue and probably just think he has boobs do to him being overweight.

making no one think he is a freak

i laughed at the burn victim analogy lol.

sooo many people suffer from gyno it's ridiculous.  Seriously, go to the grocery store in not such an affluent town in the summer.  I gaurante you at least 70% of the male poplulation in that store will be suffering from gyno.

You know you're not helping, you're just trying to win an argument and you don't care who you hurt in the process- like a little child.

You need to leave the site because your attitude, knowledge and insensitivity is just plain awful.

Making generalistions again. I have seen people with low body fat with pretty bad cases of gyno, so what you have said is untrue. Have you seen 'ruined life'? ,no , I don't know why you would make a half arsed statement like this.

We know what the guy is and what his opinions are worth.  Lets ALL make a start now by NOT replying to anything further he has to say in this thread.  

Let's all Just boycott his posts from now on in and let him go and get his jollies from arguing with others elsewhere.

P.S

My natural body weight is 195 pounds.  I got down to 115 and still had a large pair.  

I had surgery not long ago and even though I am currently 210 pounds I dont look overweight, the surgery has revealed a decent chest under all that glandular tissue. interesting  

[kev]

To ruinedlife:

Please keep posting buddy this board is here for you and to help you and support you in what you are going through, not debate with you or make crackpot diagnoses.

How do you feel about visiting a doctor?  I can guess. Anxious, embarrassed. Worrying about whether you'll have the courage to take off that shirt in front of somebody.  It's not going to be easy but --

You will feel such relief after you go to a doctor and talk about it and have your chest examined for medical purposes not just "oh my god look at his boobs"!!!

And if you don't like your doctor try another one.  

It's a big step - but go for it!  See what they say.  Also tell them about how you are feeling in general.  Get a good check-up.

Only 28!  Hey you gotta lot of life ahead -- let's get this behind you as best you can so that you can look forward.

You're depressed and angry and frustrated and stressed and feel abnormal.  This is what the gyne can lead to after growing up with it.  That is how I felt.  Important thing is moving to tackle the problem now.

Do you think you can afford surgery?  Would you think you would be up for some counselling to help with the emotional and psychological effects of what you have been suffering?  Did the Canadian members of this board give you some pointers on this?

Please let us know how you are getting on, OK?

kev