Gynecomastia and relationships (my dillema)

[CodySockeye]

Howdy everybody, I want to discuss gynecomastia and its effects on relationships.

First off, my story. I'm 16 years old. I went through a 'fat stage' as many people do, and i find it was about that time of the fat stage that I developed gynecomastia (at around age 8 ). The condition has never gotten any better since. I want to have surgery this summer, but because of some medication I'm on, it may not be possible I will find out in a few hours whether or not surgery will be an option for me.

The main reasons behind me wanting surgery are 1) I want a girlfriend, 2) I want to go to the beach without being embarrassed [I live in Florida], and 3) I want to be able to wear smaller and different colored t-shirts (I wear lots of black t's to hide my condition).

For this thread, I would appreciate if everyone could come together and share their experiences with relationships (or lack thereof).

I, personally, have never had much luck with girls. I'm not an ugly dude by any means. As far as looks alone (excluding gyno) I'd rate myself a 7.5, an 8 if I was in better shape which is something I'm working on. The gyno DESTROYED me for 2 years of my life 07-08. I went into deep depression, I cut myself off from the outside world, always stayed inside, never hung out with friends, etc. Recently, I got my license and a truck so I've been getting out more and starting to enjoy life. However, I'm still reluctant to go to the beach because my gyno is still as bad as it ever has been (I have the ever-dreaded puffy nips).

 Even more than that, I'm afraid to go into relationships because I'm afraid of sex, I'm afraid of getting made fun of, I'm afraid of rejection, etc. I had bad body acne for a while, but then I got on Accutane and it has worked wonders, my body acne is 90% better with a stray pimple on my face and back here and there. My ass still has some pimples though haha.

There's this girl I really like now, but like I said, I'm just afraid. I've been in a few relationships the past couple years and none of them were even remotely successful (but to be fair, it wasn't my fault). My philosophy is "it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do", but it's hard to stick by. I want to be able to be with girls and go to the beach and such, but I have a hard time deciding if I should get my surgery and get myself taken care of first or if I should just try to live life with my gynecomastia. The latter sounds like the wiser choice, but it's easier said than done. Gynecomastia consumes me and controls everything I do; I'm sure most of you know the feeling.

Any advice, experience, etc you have to offer would be greatly appreciated. I hope we can make this topic a lively one

[confused_satisfaction]

The main reasons behind me wanting surgery are 1) I want a girlfriend, 2) I want to go to the beach without being embarrassed [I live in Florida], and 3) I want to be able to wear smaller and different colored t-shirts (I wear lots of black t's to hide my condition).

First off, I wanna say you number 1 shouldn't be included in this. Okay, okay, okay... I know you want a girlfriend, but I don't see this directly related to the gyne. Like you said, you've had other relationships so this shouldn't be the issue. Like Giantfan said, women are accepting. The issue here is living with it or getting surgery. As for number 2 and 3, I know exactly what you mean. It really sucks in the summer with gyne when you are wearing layers and sweaters and stuff like that.

I've been in a few relationships the past couple years and none of them were even remotely successful (but to be fair, it wasn't my fault).

Is that what they said - it's not your fault 

My philosophy is "it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do", but it's hard to stick by.

That's a good philosophy. Mine always was and is that things happen for a reason and no matter what you do, have no regrets. It's amazing how fast things change. Sometimes you should just sit back and take a look at what you were like 2 months ago, 6 months ago, and a year ago. It's all about bettering your life as you see it.

2 months ago I was sitting on the couch, not looking for a job, being a lazy bum, and getting fat. Recently I have to go for a second interview for a job and I started a new training routine.

6 months ago I had my surgery - best decision of my life so far. I also had my girlfriend. Today, I am happy I don't have either one of those to deal with

1 year ago I was working a dead end job (at least I was working I guess) and I didn't know if I wanted to go to college or not after taking a year off after high school. Now, I am so happy I went to college after meeting so many new people and having the time of my life!

So think about what you were like before and see if things are better or worse.

[CodySockeye]

First off, I wanna say you number 1 shouldn't be included in this. Okay, okay, okay... I know you want a girlfriend, but I don't see this directly related to the gyne. Like you said, you've had other relationships so this shouldn't be the issue. Like Giantfan said, women are accepting. The issue here is living with it or getting surgery. As for number 2 and 3, I know exactly what you mean. It really sucks in the summer with gyne when you are wearing layers and sweaters and stuff like that.

Not directly related, but of course, the gynecomastia has screwed with my psych. Like I said, I let the fear of rejection because of my gynecomastia control me. I figure that I can't be rejected if I don't try to get accepted. It's not good, and it'll take a lot for me to ever get over that way of thinking. That's why I'm looking to this site for a support system. My PS said that it will be about 8 months before I am eligible for surgery, which SUCKS. But it is what it is, and I'll have to deal with that.

While I think it is good advice to track my progress, seeing how far I've come doesn't hinder my desire to live my life to the fullest, which includes going shirtless without a care in the world.

I'm setting some goals. Since it will be 8 months before my surgery, I can try to further better myself so I will be at the top of my game come February/March 2010. I want to get in great shape. I want to play baseball. I want to get my confidence up. I want to start changing my psych and living my life. I still don't think I will go to the beach as much as I would if my chest was normal, but I want to try to go every so often.

Gynecomastia is so difficult to deal with. I'm just ready to get this burden off my chest (hardy har har).

[anonymous1]

Girls at a young age are VERY superficial.  I was lucky enough to find a beautiful girl who loves me for me, before and after surgery, but they are very rare, especially in the teens.  Get the surgery man, you'll never feel more confident!

[PBC]

Girls at a young age are VERY superficial.  I was lucky enough to find a beautiful girl who loves me for me, before and after surgery, but they are very rare, especially in the teens.  Get the surgery man, you'll never feel more confident!

This is what high school reunions are for my friend!! I would say roughly 75% of the girls that were hot and wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire back in the day are haggardly, overweight, and on their third marriage. Relax, women DO become much more accepting as the get older. Life isn't like high school, thank God.

[WackWack]

yep I know how you feel, miss out of 3 potential relationships already in just 2 years. I will be getting surgery this summer, I will be 20 so I havent miss out on much, I most likely would have gotten laid about a year ago if it wasnt for this dam.n condition.

[BadCaseGyno]

What prevented those relationships? I mean what specifically?

[headheldhigh01]

i feel.  gyne destroyed the one relationship i seriously cared about because it forced me to withdraw.  it had other complications, but those are the basics.  she died a few years later to top it off, and people said it involved a broken heart (suckily for me, this all happened after she started raking me over the coals by seeing other guys).  

unfortunately for me, the internet just came too late, i only learned what this was after she was gone.  knowing what i do now, i would never have let it stand in the way - either i would have gotten the op when i had the money, or i'd have leveled with her and (i'm pretty sure now) it wouldn't have bothered her much.  

<sarcasm>i'm a real big fan of gyne. </sarcasm>

[bozo]

I don't know if it will help your confidence, but I used to be nervous about having sex because of my gynecomastia, but after I actually started having sex, I realised it was much less of a big deal.  Before it, I was convinced I needed surgery.  Now, I still want surgery, but if I don't get it, I think I'll manage ok anyway.  I'm slim and my gynecomastia is big enough that some male friends noticed and asked me when I went swimming and another time I was in hospital for an accident, the doctor observed it and asked me if I had noticed that I had enlargement of my breast (duh!).

Not meaning to sound arrogant, but I do pretty well with women and I've slept with some pretty hot girls, none of them showed any sign of a problem with the gynecomastia.  My last girlfriend actually really liked it and when I said I want to get surgery, she really wished I wouldn't, not because of risks, but because she liked my chest.  Another girl I slept with a few times recently had no idea what I was talking about when I was talking about surgery.  I said I wanted to get surgery on my nipples, and she asked me "what's wrong? you want them more pink or something?"

Anyway, I still want surgery just for myself, and so I can wear different clothes or go swimming with more confidence.

So I'm not saying gynecomastia can't ruin relationships, but it's more the psychological effect on yourself, rather than the physical impression you create on women.

[headheldhigh01]

well, yes and no.  that's important to remember and true most of the time, but the more severe cases are generally (though not always) a turnoff.  it kind of depends on the woman. 

[CodySockeye]

my nips are puffy and very noticeable. im not slim but i'm not fat, average build. i had pics up a year ago asking to be rated on how bad it was and got a 5-6 generally. im more afraid of going to the beach than having sex. both would be nice though