Life going in circles...

[Vanatu]

I feel like my life is going in circles... this will be another fruitless year
It'll start out with me thinking i can lose it by cutting, i cut and with no results, i'll acknowledge that i have gyne and it wont go away with fatloss.. here comes christmas, i'll get a cool looking t-shirt from my sister that i won't be able to wear because my b!tch breasts will be so visable. I'll tell my mom that i have to do something about my gyne... I become depressed... start hating life.. this will happen about the start of febuary..  I wait a 100 days for another surgery..
There will be no results like last time... i'll become depressed and go crazy for three weeks.. like last time.. and then i think i can get rid of it with fat loss and the circle begins again!

And maybe it'll continue until i die.. maybe it'll continue until i go nuts..

Now i'm going into the kitchen to speak with my mother to prevent this circle! darn this fucking circle motherfucker!

[myusername]

I'm right there with you brother.

[Paa_Paw]

I'm not simply trying to jerk your chain here, But depression is common among us. Which is why a good Psychologist may be your best friend.

What have you got to lose?

[Vanatu]

I feel that gyne and trying to get rid of gyne weighs heavily psychologically on me. It's hard, when i saw the failure of my first surgery i was a broken man.. I had never been so broken down and hopeless in my life.
I have a great fear of being trapped in a spiral of gynecomastia,depression and hopelessness...

Now i'm gonna go order an appointment with my plastic surgeon...

....fucking three weeks until my appointment...

[fffffff]

Gyne really isn't to big of a deal, anyone worth knowing doesn't care if you have Gyne, and a lot of people are even married with it.

[Vanatu]

What i feel makes it even worse.. and is what fucked me up the most, was that i thought my journey was over. I had waited 100 days for surgery, a feeling of relief came over me. Finally it's over, finally.. i have surgery wake up, it's over.. i can't believe it
That such a big part of my life will go away, all the pain and suffering(I'd like to point out that although gyne sucks and it brings me a lot of pain and suffering, i lead a relatively normal life.. with an extra twist of pain and suffering) is going away!

Then it doesn't, there is no change, except now i have 4 holes under my chest. I thought that a worst case scenario would be that i'd have to have another surgery... but then the doctor says it was a success! It looks good! And my mother agrees...  At this point when i get home i go nuts... i have never been so fucked up.. for the first time in my life I hyperventilate
i can't imagine life.. forever... with this..

And now 64 days later there is no change.. well the holes made are healing up but other than that.. nothing.

Now what i am afraid of is that my plastic surgeon will think i'm "crazy" refuse to do surgery and recommend a psychiatrist..

I feel like my "birthright" has been taken away from me and it felt great to think my gyne was gone! It felt fucking wonderful... but that made the fall even worse, to realize that i'll be stuck with it... for at least 3 weeks + perhaps a 100 days if not more... or forever...

But i'm going to fucking get rid of it, if he'll refuse i'll go to someone else and perhaps to scandinavia or britain

It's just that my ps is with the largest and most prestigious
privately clinic in my country(There will be hard to find another ps..), +my surgery is paid by the goverment

And the only domestic information about gynecomastia surgery i found on the internet was written by him..

[Mr_Nip]

Just remember who's boss, Vanatu.  It's not the surgeon.  It's you.  

If this Dr. doesn't satisfy you when you go back to see him, then fire him.  This isn't about satisfying him.  It's about you.  If your surgery doesn't look right to you and your surgeon won't make it right, then go to another one and get an opinion.  

That being said, there's nothing wrong with taking Paa_Paw's advice and seek some professional help to deal with depression.  You can believe me that there's nothing to be embarrassed about by doing that.  

[Vanatu]

As i look over my recent posts i see a great useage of the word darn, that's because i'm pretty angry.  

It's funny to look over my posts since shortly before the surgery to now. I've gone through many stages

First i was paranoid
Then after i discovered the failure of the operation i was very depressed
then i went from grief to trying to make sense of it all. Figuring out explanations.
And now i'm just pretty fucking angry



(I hope my excessive use of this swearword doesn't bother anyone, it is censored but i feel it helps me)