Raising Self Esteem

[justamom]

Hi!  I'm just in here new today.  I came in looking because about 3 months ago we found out my 13 year old son has gyne.  I have read alot in here about how it affects your self esteem and I would like to know what I can do to keep my sons self esteem up.   He doesn't get teased at school about the way he looks....though it does show through his shirt.  He tells me he could care less about it and it doesn't bother him.   What does bother him is that his DAD (of all people)  grabs him from behind and says stuff like "only girls have these" and has gone as far as to tell him that his chest is "deformed".   I'm thankful that my son lives with me and only has to see his dad on a visitation basis.   I told my "ex" that the doctor said it should go away and he accepted that.   But in the long run if it doesn't it would be nice to know the options.  My son is totally against the idea of surgery and has asked for a weight set for Christmas to start lifting weights.   By the way, could gyne have a hereditary link?   I have 2 brothers that have it (though not diagnosed, they just say they are fat) and after seeing some pictures, I know my grandfather had it.

[jones357]

Your ex is an not a nice person.  I hate to be that blunt, but the last thing he needs is his dad teasing him about that.  If your son is okay with it, don't ever bring it up again. Maybe tell him that if it ever bothers him, he can talk to you and then let it go.  No need to create the complex if it isn't there.  As for options, it may just go away, but if adults in your family have it, he will most likely have it as an adult.  The only true option is to get surgery, but that is case by case. I would leave that up to him.

I am glad you mentioned the heredity, because I was trying ro figure it out with another guy. My grand dads were both dead when I was born so i didn't know which side it came from.

[tsjas]

I don't think tha the heredity is the cause in most cases. Nobody in my family has gyno. I also don't believe that lifting weight is going to be much help. Unfortunately, surgery is the only real solution to gyno. Your ex should not be teasing your son. People who have gyno often go through rough times. Last thing they need is a family member making fun of this condition.

[Worrier]

I think the weight set sounds great. It's a myth that weights stunt growth or anything in teens, I hear that now and again. The main thing that stunts growth in kids is poor nutrition . However he should start with bodyweight exercises first, pressups situps pullups etc so his body is used to it, then light weights to build up.

When he's built up confidence encourage him to join a gym , most gym let lads in at fifteen or so at least mine does.  

I know two blokes who started lifting at twelve  and are taller than me and I'm six foot two!Get him doing some running or sports as well. The more fit he is the greater chance the gyne will go like the doctor said. People who are overweight have more estrogen which is a factor with gyne.

People with gyne might get a bit of ribbing at school and if he is physically strong less chance he will be. As for his Dad well , but of an idiot isn't he...

[hazzard623]

I think the weight set sounds great. It's a myth that weights stunt growth or anything in teens, I hear that now and again. The main thing that stunts growth in kids is poor nutrition . However he should start with bodyweight exercises first, pressups situps pullups etc so his body is used to it, then light weights to build up.

When he's built up confidence encourage him to join a gym , most gym let lads in at fifteen or so at least mine does.  

I know two blokes who started lifting at twelve  and are taller than me and I'm six foot two!Get him doing some running or sports as well. The more fit he is the greater chance the gyne will go like the doctor said. People who are overweight have more estrogen which is a factor with gyne.

People with gyne might get a bit of ribbing at school and if he is physically strong less chance he will be. As for his Dad well , but of an idiot isn't he...

exactly no better time to lift then puberty with all that testosterone  

[headheldhigh01]

what you can do to keep his self esteem up is

1.  tell him there's lots of kids and men out there with the same problem he has -- lots of them with it worse.  
2.  tell him his dad is a prize a** and to ignore him or tell him to go jump in a lake.  mace would also work  
3.  tell him if he wants to talk with other guys who've been through everything he's been through and more he's welcome to post anytime.  

and good on you for being such a friend to him too.  

[snap]

From personal experience, I wouldn't recommend lifting weights when you're 13 since it might make the gyno worse.  I would suggest jogging, swimming, or any active sport instead.  If the gyno doesn't go away when he's 18, definately go for the surgery.  He'll thank you later when he's in college without gyno.

[Paa_Paw]

Father or not,  that cruel person should only be permitted to have supervised visits.

The condition runs in my family, So we accept it as being normal.

[justamom]

Thanks for all the replies guys.  I've talked to my son about it and he still insists that he feels fine about it and so I've just left it alone.  As for sending him on here, welllllll........I'm a mom that monitors internet, video games, and TV, BIG TIME......and there has been a LOT of content on here that is VERY questionable and VERY inappropriate for a 13 year old.  

[Mr_Nip]

I agree that backing off the subject FOR NOW is a good idea, as long as he knows there are options out there if it doesn't go away on its own.  On the other side of this, though, is the possibility that it doesn't go away.  I'm 40 and went through high school and college with gynecomastia.  It's not the same as you get older with gyne.  In high school and college, you run into situations where taking off your shirt is expected, such as when a PE teacher has a "shirts vs. skins" game.  I prayed that I would be on the shirts team.  In high school and college male competition for girls is in high gear, and don't think for a minute gynecomastia isn't going to be used by other males as something to point out as inferior in your son.  This is done by bringng it up and laughing about in front of girls and your son.  This will be dealt with more if your son goes to college because males will be living together and it's harder to hide.  

As for myself, now that I have a lovely wife and two fantastic children (ages 9 and 6) I hear myself telling my kids that I don't feel like getting in the pool with them.  They beg me to get in the pool and play, but I'll only do it if there aren't any other people around.  Believe me when I tell you that's worse than all the ribbing I got in college put together.  

I've recently talked to my mother about this and she did ask my doctor about it when I was about 15.  The doctor told her it was best to leave it alone and not to talk about it.  Actually that may have been best at the time because they didn't have the ability to do such a clean job of it like they can do now.  The point is, in hindsight, I would have preferred that my mother could have talked to me and the doctors once in a while to see if things had changed either in options or in my life regarding my gynecomastia situation.  I now have an appointment for next week to speak to a surgeon, but I'm sad that I went through so many years of gyne that have affected the people I love most.  I can't get those years back.  Please keep the communication open with your son.  Keep the communication between your son and his dad CLOSED.  Comments like that coming from a father are not normal, and makes me think there could be some sexual abuse potential there.  Be VERY careful with that situation.  Don't take any chances.  

[silly_guy]

Tell the ex to keep his weird, disgusting hands to himself...how freaking odd.

There are plenty of weirdos (like that ex of yours) here too , so I dunno if your son should come here if he's not bothered by it.

Sorry I don't have any constructive to say.

[16yrOld]

Get him weights... and a treadmill if you can afford it.  Weigths don't stunt your growth.  Since I was in football in 7th grade we lifted weights.  I really didn't hit puberty untill 9th grade.  I was 5' now im 5 foot 10 give or take a half an inch.

This board has helped me in many ways but it also makes me feel depressed about gyne.  When I first found this site I laughed about gyne when someone would make fun of me because I thought it would go away.  Now seeing people that had gyne that hasn't gone away I PRAY I am not one of those unlucky people.  I now think about it everyday usually 30-40 times a day.  Before I maybe thought about it 2 or 3.

His attitude is good for now.  But once his self-confidence goes away about his body because of a comment thats WHEN  you have to be there for him

[Mr_Nip]

 I now think about it everyday usually 30-40 times a day.  Before I maybe thought about it 2 or 3.

That's the case with me.  Over the past couple of weeks it has dominated my thoughts like a floodgate has been opened.  I'll bet that's a pretty common reaction to finding this site.