So I tried telling my parents ....about my surgery

[Copespo]

So the other day I somehow turned the subject to my gyne....oh yea I am on a diet and my mom asked me why, and that I should stop since I lost some weight (5kg /11lb for now, my goal is another 22lb) so I told her I am losing weight to shrink my gyne (I know it cant shrink but I used that instead of surgery) I wanted to use the shrink before surgery, I wanted to talk about it and then introduce surgery later...so her response was "You insane, your chest is normal" so I got pissed and I was like (I grabbed the excess chest fat) and said "NO this, THis right here is not normal" and shes like "well your father has it too, nothing is wrong with him" so I said "So you do admit I don't have a perfect chest, and I dont care if my father has it, the whole world can have it, I dont feel comfortable with it" So she said bunch of other crap that Im making it all up in my head and all this bs...

next day we are going to a friends house, I put on my shirt (no tanktop under it for compression) and I get into the elevator and we have a mirror in there and I look at myself and grab my chest and say "God I hate this" and shes like "stop making things up its normal" and I was like "No it is not normal, and I am gonna  do something about it" and shes like "what" and I said "surgery" she kind of ignored me and walked ahead out the elevator and I said "If I have the money and chance to change something I will" and she didnt say anything....

I even showed her some youtube videos of gyne, to her its all normal.... so its back to plan A....getting surgery in a total secret without anyone knowing....

And they say kids commit suicide because their depressed or insane, no they dont, they commit suicide because they have parents like mine who dont listen to their kids and dont want to support them in things that hurt them the most.... When I become a parent, I am going to be nothing like my parents....

[irish lad]

ye i had a similar exp when telling my mother her reponse was the same its in your head etc... i went off got the op in secret...about 2 weeks post op i told her and showed her my results and pictures of me chest before the op and only then did she relize it!!!!!!! how old are you??  i know how you feel bud

[The_G0rn]

Precisely why I didn't bother telling my parents old chap
As long as you are over 18 there is no need to tell them (or anyone else).  It's a personal matter, and its your body and none of their business at all anyway.  Just go the op solo like I did, sure its hard, emotionally and during the recovery, but I managed it so you can too.

[Mlion]

I did not tell anybody either. Yes it is personal. I isolated my self socially for a couple for two weeks after surgery, but that is easy to do for me living on my own.

[Noseguard]

As a parents (two boys 7&10), I always want them to tell me those things.

Not all parents are created equal.  We all have different life experiences.  Because of mine I want to know when my kids are hurting. Each of you know your parents best.  If you think that they may understand talk with them, much better to have them on your side than not if your going to have surgery.

Also, parents change with time.  When I was a teenager my mom didn't get it either.  I told her one day when I was a teenager that I did not want to go the YMCA pool we would frequent during the summer.  I told her my chest was the reason and she told me it was "nothing, no one cares".  She was wrong then and now, 25yrs later, she realizes it.

I had my surgery at 40yrs old,  and she was not only supportive, she flew all the way to NYC from Florida just to watch my kids on the day of my surgery.

[grumpygyne]

Hi,
I had a similar experience with my nose.

I had saved up money in college for a nose job w/o telling my parents anything. So, one day I got on the computer and made a before and after image of what i'd after the surgery. With photo on the screen, I called my parents in and TOLD them, not asked them about the surgery. I pointed to the screen and said, "Look, this is what it would look like if I had a higher bridge on my nose."  They gave me all sorts of excuses that "oh you look just fine...its normal" blah blah.

I said, "Well, surgery date is June 22, 1998."

They accepted it b/c I was in complete financial control over it.  Although they were probably hating the idea of their son getting a nose job, I later realized that it showed I could "do things on my own if I put my mind to." Hell, I saved up $5k in college.

So, now I want my chest done and lipo of the stomach. I am going through the same thing with my partner as I went through with my parents. He thinks I look ok. I said, Nope. I want the gyn gone and a 30" waist. Im saving up again--- except this time its going to be a little more. lol

Btw, Ive been working out with a trainer for 2 yrs and lost all I can (40 lbs). Time for the doc.

Your mom is just accustomed to seeing the gyn. I would ask for other opinions.

[Paa_Paw]

Copespo,

Your Mother is right, at least from her point of view. But she is not the person who has to put up with it. A very large number of Medical Professionals would agree with her.

How you deal with it is very much a personal thing and the viewpoint of someone else is not always totally objective. Often, a parent simply cannot see a flaw in their own child. Even if you were grossly deformed, she might only see you as her handsome son. Her love for you makes it impossible for her to perceive anything that you might regard as less than perfect.

The only person you need to please is yourself.

[Copespo]

Copespo,

Your Mother is right, at least from her point of view. But she is not the person who has to put up with it. A very large number of Medical Professionals would agree with her.

How you deal with it is very much a personal thing and the viewpoint of someone else is not always totally objective. Often, a parent simply cannot see a flaw in their own child. Even if you were grossly deformed, she might only see you as her handsome son. Her love for you makes it impossible for her to perceive anything that you might regard as less than perfect.

The only person you need to please is yourself.

Well that  makes a lot of sense, and I agree. But still if you see that something hurts your child then you should sit down with him or her and find out what it is and try to help them out. I don't want their money, since I have all of it saved, I don't need their signature for surgery since I am 20 years old I would just like some support and understanding. If everyone is going to the beach or swimming pool and your son keeps making up excuses not to go then as a parent you should automatically think "Something is wrong, let me find out",or if your son wears 2 layers of clothes in 90* F weather then thats another reason to talk to him.

I honestly don't care anymore, I tried twice to get their support for this surgery, both times failed and they don't care so I will do it. They will find out sooner or later that I had the surgery and when they do I will simply tell them "I tried telling you and wanting you to know about this but both times you made fun of the situation and simply ignored it" thats going to be my exact reply.

[Noseguard]

You know it's funny how many people form opinions without taking the time really understand all the dynamics of a given situation.

I recall when my mother at the age of 60 decided to move to Florida.  She was both excited and scared.  She turned to her kids and siblings for guidance.  Every one of those people were incapable of looking at it from my mom's point of view and each answered it only for themselves. None of them recommended she go.  She went anyway.  She is happier now than I can ever remember her being.

People respond to G surgery the same way.  Everyone has a "knee jerk" reaction.  Most just don't take the time to FULLY understand the condition and the impact it has on young men.  If they did read this board and watch some videos about it most would change their tune.

For me, not telling people about my surgery (only 3 people know) had nothing to do with being embarrassed or uncomfortable.  I knew that uniformed people would draw incorrect conclusions about me and the procedure, and I had neither the desire or energy to try and educate them.  The surgery and the choice to only tell those closest me was the right choice!!!

[Paa_Paw]

The problem is generational and I don't think You can do anything to fix it.

Surgery, in the modern context, is acceptable for purely cosmetic reasons and does not disrupt ones life to a great extent. There are risks of course but they are not usually of major concern. Pain, if any, is well managed and the patient usually only feels discomfort at the worst. Blood loss is so minor that even in major operations it could be measured in a Tablespoon. The patient soon goes home, often the same day.

Older generations had a very different concept of surgery, at least some of which was based on fact. It was a major, life changing event and disrupted the lives of entire families. The risks were high and surgery was often the last resort in an attempt to save life. Post operative pain often required the use of opiate drugs for extended amounts of time resulting in addiction. Blood loss was measured in pints, often several pints. The patient was in the hospital for many days, possibly weeks.

That picture is way out of date, but it still exists (at least in part) in the minds of a lot of people. The picture is reinforced by TV images of emergency rooms and accident scenes. The operating room is quite different.

I believe that your Mother would likely walk barefoot through shards of broken glass to save you from grief. The problem is that she probably perceives surgery as being worse than Gynecomastia. Your ability to change that image, in a reasonable time, is not good. Meanwhile, she may actually try to stand in the way of your having surgery thinking that she is saving you.

You are on your own.

Good Luck.

[elcrep]

sometimes parents are so convinced that their children are perfect, that they ignore flaws and problems that their children are concerned about.

[Grandpa Bambu]

It's not just 'parents', it's people in general. We are all different, we all have our likes and dislikes. That's what makes us individuals. To each his/her own.

What matters is how the sufferer feels about themselves. Nobody else has to fill your shoes but you! Do what you have to do for yourself... Period!

My wife said I didn't need surgery. However, each and every day for 31 years, I lived with the terrible burden of Gynecomastia. As soon as I found out that there was a fix for it, my name was next on the list for surgery...

GB

[Paa_Paw]

Right on the mark GB.

elcrep, I would agree with you entirely if you had said "can't see" instead of "ignore". Perhaps that is what you meant?

[Ernster86]

Hey there,

I had the same  trouble with my parents.

You just need to accept the fact that they dont "get it".

Be a man and do what you need to do to get it done, your parents and nobody else are going to do it for you.

Go see a doctor and book the surgery, your mother will come around hopefully, as she will see how serious you are about changing it and once her son is in hospital I bet she will be by your side.

Good luck.

[Copespo]

Hey there,

I had the same  trouble with my parents.

You just need to accept the fact that they dont "get it".

Be a man and do what you need to do to get it done, your parents and nobody else are going to do it for you.

Go see a doctor and book the surgery, your mother will come around hopefully, as she will see how serious you are about changing it and once her son is in hospital I bet she will be by your side.

Good luck.

I don't really need their approval or anything, I just wanted their support but they wont give me their support so I am gonna do what's best for me, and what I think is right: SURGERY! Thanks for the replies everyone!