Where to begin? Well, let me begin by saying this: I am currently in a very, very dark and lonely place. I’ve always felt a sense of loneliness, and part of this pertains to my suffering from gynecomastia since the age of 13 (grade
. What I am going to divulge here is for my own sake as well as anyone else who will benefit from my advice and story.
Being a gynecomastia forum, I will focus mainly on this issue, but include everything else that has plagued my life. What I am going to purge is a sad tale for any man to bear. From a young age my parents fought regularly. My mom has some sort of mental illness which causes her to act out in an irrational manner toward anyone unfortunate enough to be around her when the trigger goes off. Due to this my Dad thought it best to separate from her when I was around the age of 8. I haven’t had much contact with her over the years. She does well for herself, lives in Florida now, and has a successful husband and my half-brother.
As for my father, he met a woman who I never got along with from the start. She comes from a less privileged background and the furthest she achieved in her education was completing high school. I’ve always felt above her and always attempted to avoid her. In my younger years I would go to great lengths to ensure her happiness was sabotaged. When I was older (maybe around 15-15) she began to display alcoholic behaviour. Part of this may have been triggered by my aggression toward her, but she is genetically predisposed to the behaviour (I can’t come to grips with calling it an illness), as the majority of her family are or were alcoholics. It got to the point where her behaviour was completely inappropriate and unfit for a caregiver. I attempted to tell my Dad my feelings but he told me it wasn’t a big deal. He spent the majority of his time at work.
This broken family status combined with an inability to accept my body image led to a disastrous social and educational life. My marks were mediocre throughout high school because I never attempted to try. I know some people say they could have tried harder in school, but I knew I was underperforming and could care less. I kept telling myself a day will come where I will be gynecomastia free, and then I will give life a whole-hearted try.
This is what you cannot do no matter what!! Instead try to do the opposite. Let your affliction be the fuel to your burning desire to excel and rid yourself of this curse. I know it’s hard, and a failure preaching this advice is disheartening, but I sincerely want the best for you younger fellows out there with lots of time and potential on your dish (don’t waste it guys!)
Anyway my family relationships got to the point where I discontinued the infrequent contact with my mom (I would get a call from here once a month or see to hear about her successes and travel down there once a year) and isolated myself within my own home due to unrequited hatred toward my parents. One day my step-mother received a DUI and since that day she has been alcohol free and going to meetings. I never received proper counseling on dealing with an alcoholic parent and my anger continued to manifest itself in my behaviour.
After high school I was on my own with my mediocre marks while all my friends were off to various universities and full of excitement and dream. I knew I didn’t want to miss out on this opportunity (definitely the most important in life: an education), so I went to night school for the next year and received very high marks (high-80s to low-90s) in sciences and maths. I know night school is not held to the same standards as a regular day school course, but I made sure to go above and beyond in the knowledge I was obtaining and frequently resourced university texts (I was basically doing first year uni on my own accord). Anyway, with these marks I applied to a competitive program which I will not name and excelled in it during my first year.
Life looked good for me—from the outside at least…. My anger over my situation with my family and the opportunities I’ve missed out on continued to hold me back. I was excelling, and from an external view something to be aspired to, as I know realize. Everyone told me they were so proud of my discipline and successes, but on the inside I continued to feel hollow and sad.
All of my friends were in second year now and had gotten over the usual teenage shyness that the majority of people incur. They were dating women, and with many of them began sexual intimacies. I was 19 and had never even held a girl’s hand, let alone kiss or have sex with one. What angered me and continues to do so is that I know I’m an attractive guy. I’ve had girls come on to me since elementary school, but I’ve always found some excuse to distance myself until she lost interest. I’ve developed obsessive compulsive behaviour for three women in my life, for which I’ve spent countless hours fantasizing on what it would be like to approach them or what her reaction might be if I attempted to show interest. I always end up telling myself I’m worthless and other irrational ideas that made me be what I believed.
Anyway, my first summer after school was the worst point in my life. I stretched out the wait and see attitude to its fullest extent with respect to seeing if the gyne would subside, and approaching 20 years old I became extremely depressed at the reality that it was not disappearing. I’ve been operated on by the way (a glandular excision) and am not happy with the result. I still have it.
Given my situation, I reacted in the most senseless way possible: I succumbed to depression, the worst place you can ever be. I’ve never had good friends, so withdrawing from social life wasn’t a big issue. I just ceased contact with everyone and no one seemed to care. I could care less about school and dropped out. I slept in excess of 14 hours a day and dreaded the sight of light. My parents were extremely disappointed with me and I could care less. I wasted their money and I didn’t care at all.
It got to the point where I began to have suicidal feelings. I would read encyclopedia dramatica for hours a day, and wallow in self-pity and how worthless I was as a human being for being “depressed”. I know having puffy nipples is nothing to kill yourself over, and I plead with anyone going this way to try to realize, as I now am it’s not that big a deal. My problem, I believe, is that I’ve let all my problems in life manifest themselves in my puffy nipples, and whenever I feel them or see them all these feeling come rushing in.
Anyway my current situation is still pretty bleak. I was hospitalized for my depression, stabilized on a medication, and now I’m home again. My mood is okay now, but the reality of the situation I’ve created is still there of course. Anti-depressants are not a miracle drug as I’ve learned. They give you energy to actually get up and do things, but that’s the hard part YOU have to DO THINGS! Right now I am out of school, twenty years old and performing menial labour, or petty work for minimum wage. I know I am better than this but right now I could still care less. I still feel lonely and angry with myself. The difference this time is that I’m taking it day by day. When I get really down I exercise intensely (swimming every day, never miss it!), or listen to the music I love (Zep, Floyd).
So guys younger and maybe even older than I: take heed of my advice and story. This affliction is only cosmetic in nature and can be dealt with accordingly through simple but expensive surgery. My plan now is to save up with these worthless jobs to finally rid myself of this curse the proper way (probably with Lista). I am hoping to finally get a girlfriend so I can experience what everyone else is, but this is going to be a big step for me as I don't know where to begin. It may not automatically solve my relationship woes or sadness, but I know deep down it is restricting my ability to achieve happiness. My parents do not understand, and get angry at me for seeming so superficial. This is something that only people who suffer from it can understand. And this is where I now attempt to seek refuge; here on this forum, with my brothers. I will devote myself to this forum to offer support and advice for fellow gyne sufferers as I try to get by day to day for the time being on my journey for the pursuit of happiness and success. Don’t give up and remember: we are out there!!
Topic: Is There Anybody Out There!? My Story and Advice (Read 5223 times)
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