Torn, at a crossroads

[miamivice]

I'm sitting here confused, as I posted on this site before I had gyno surgery a few months back that I wasn't fully satisfied with.  What is f*cking with my head right now is one half of me is saying just live with it and move on with your life, while the other half is saying give surgery one more try. My case is not severe all I have is puffy nipples but like most of you all might have experienced, the way they look in my head holds me back regardless how minor the case maybe. My first procedure included UAL on my chest and flanks, the results for both areas were sub-par IMO that's why I was considering revision. After spending some time reading about crater horror stories and other surgery mishaps I feel like I'm better off coming to grips with my body and just moving the f*ck on, just move on and know that I tried. I'm a husky male not obese but definitely chubby so the puffy nips kind of blind in with the rest of my fat. If only I could get a guarantee on a perfect outcome, but the only thing guaranteed in life is death and I don't want to die knowing I lived a held back life due to my puffy nips. I'm going to spend the remaining two months contemplating what to do (two months will give me 6 months  post op). To go under or not to go under that is the question, that for me only time will answer. Flawed body image Acceptance is a tough task but I think I'm just going to fight thru it and accept it, spending another 5k on another surgeon is a tough pill to swallow to achieve this false view of perfection that I have in my mind. I tell you being so privileged as we are in the states is mofo, had I been born in some third world country I'm sure the way my chest looks would be the last thing on my mind but being we're so damn privileged we've (or at least I've) got time to let vanity stop me from enjoying these privileges so many of us are blessed with, I'm sitting here in the A/C ranting online life is beautiful and like the title says I'm at this crossroads where I'm ready to say f*ck it let the puffy nips roll and live your life, I'm in my mid twenties and I've held back for far too long worried about what society thinks. I'm writing this cause who knows who's going thru the same mental anguish I am right now this may inspire them to move on with their life, cause man sitting here typing this has got my mind racing thinking all the sh*t I didn't do because of this mental jail I've placed myself in, sitting here thinking man what are you doing ur wasting ur life for a non health issue it's all in ur head get over it. Sh*t for most I think counseling should be the first option before surgery I'm attempting to use this rant as a form of self counseling cause man my f*cking brain is racing right now.

My thoughts at the moment, My mental is a work in progress so please bare with me folks.

[miamivice]

This morning my neighbor was sitting on his porch smoking with no shirt on and he has bigger breast than I do but he was out there without a care in the world, went to get my oil changed and sure nuff I noticed two guys with gyno poking out there shirts and they could care less, they weren't attempting to hide it. I need to move on and take that 5k and put down a condo.