Undisclosed Gynecomastia to wife

[TRUBY]

So my husband and I dated since we were 18. We got married 6 years later. We lasted 18 years and then got divorced, yet recently tried to make things work. A few things weighed on my mind for several years, one being that he never mentioned that he had liposuction performed in HS for this condition. My sister in law actually mentioned it after we were divorced. I don't care that he had this condition or the surgery. I AM upset that as his wife, he never once told me about it. I can see the embarrassment of it but shouldn't one be comfortable enough to tell his wife, and also inform her for knowledge that potentially the boys we may have could have the same condition? And again, I woudn't judge my children for it, but I would think it would be a common courtesy to inform your spouse that this exists in the family? It was clearly noticeable in the rest of the males so I had a feeling my ex had it too, but my feelings have been hurt that he didn't feel he could tell me even 30 years later.

Am I crazy for feeling angry, sad, and unimportant to not have been informed? I'm not a shallow bitch. I just feel that 2 people who care for each other should be able to divulge these things, or perhaps they weren't meant to be together at all?
I need some direction. I feel terrible that he is so angry that I brought this subject up 30 years later.

[igotum]

Truby,
  Many of the guys on this site don't want their parents to know! I don't really understand that but we live and let live here. The younger go on a worse trip than older guys normally. Your husband was not comfortable telling you. If you can get lose enough with him he would tell you. Total trust is very importantIf you knew that is probably part of the reason for the divorce. I am 70+ and don't care....I have a lot worse problems than boobs. I wear a bra every day because they get sore if I don't. BTW she gave me my first bra. We are very close and have no secrets that I know of.
https://www.gynecomastia.org/smf/4/picture-of-my-gyne/msg192232/#msg192232

[Cristalis]

Hi

Something i dont get here. He had lipo in the time you were together and married? If yes how you could not observe that he had a procedure done? One should wear a tight vest after the procedure, has limited movement. Where were you as his wife in the time he recovered?

If he did it prior to meet you probably he thought it was not so important to mention it. And if he had just lipo without gland excision he had just some fat, probably without gland and thats just fat, he got some fat out of him, not a big deal. Like having a tooth pulled out, i belive you would not react like this if you have found out that he didnt mentioned about a probleem with a tooth, right?

You have boy childrens or you just gave an example? If you have them think that if they would have get this condition at puberty your hubby could identified it, talk to the kids and sort things out.

[hatingdaboobs]

I wouldn't be too hard on him. I think some people are more private than others. I wouldnt tell my family , not because I want to keep secrets or don't trust them ,but because I don't want to argue something I'm going to do anyway and biggest reason they dont need more worries . It one of those things a lot of us want to put behind us and move on . I don't have kids but the thought has crossed my mind that if I had a son that started to develop, I would certainly be  proactive in having the gyne corrected . 

[Paa_Paw]

I grew up and had my sons in an age when there was not a good surgical option, before the advent of Liposuction.  There was no point in making a big deal of it because there was essentially nothing that could be done about it that was cosmetically acceptable. 
Because I was comfortable with it, It was no big deal for my sons either.  The older of the grandsons seem to be not too impressed about it, we shall see how the younger grandchildren and great grandchildren deal with it.
I think that hiding it and making a big deal of it is not healthy.  If a person wishes to get rid of it, great, and I am happy for them that they live in a time when surgery is a really good option. Living with is is a reasonable option for many as well. 
As my boys  neared Puberty, I brought it up to my wife.  She had her own body image concerns and had not even noticed that my breasts were somewhat larger than average for a male.   Once I pointed it out and mentioned my concern about potential problems for our boys, she did see what I was talking about.  I would point out that my wife had her own concerns. She is a 38HH.  So for her, my 44Bs were nothing worthy of notice. 
Some guys are very open about this and some are very secretive. There is nothing wrong with either. 

[Alchemist]

So my husband and I dated since we were 18. We got married 6 years later. We lasted 18 years and then got divorced, yet recently tried to make things work. A few things weighed on my mind for several years, one being that he never mentioned that he had liposuction performed in HS for this condition. My sister in law actually mentioned it after we were divorced. I don't care that he had this condition or the surgery. I AM upset that as his wife, he never once told me about it. I can see the embarrassment of it but shouldn't one be comfortable enough to tell his wife, and also inform her for knowledge that potentially the boys we may have could have the same condition? And again, I woudn't judge my children for it, but I would think it would be a common courtesy to inform your spouse that this exists in the family? It was clearly noticeable in the rest of the males so I had a feeling my ex had it too, but my feelings have been hurt that he didn't feel he could tell me even 30 years later.

Am I crazy for feeling angry, sad, and unimportant to not have been informed? I'm not a shallow bitch. I just feel that 2 people who care for each other should be able to divulge these things, or perhaps they weren't meant to be together at all?
I need some direction. I feel terrible that he is so angry that I brought this subject up 30 years later.

Hi Truby,

The 0.01% to 0.02% of guys with gynocomastia (50-70% have mammary growth by autopsy time) who have surgery each year are often very desperate in a PTSD way often,  They hide the breasts.  They hide the presence of the breasts.  They hide why they won't do "X".  They hide why they can never go swimming. Some transfer the fear and shame to the scars or remaining shape of the breasts and surgery changes nothing.  They won't talk about any of it.  There is a tremendous shame at having had breasts and fear of exposure and rejection.  Typically the surgery will not be spoken of and remain hidden. 

It has nothing to do with you personally. It's EVERYBODY. He is exhibiting the fear and shame feedback loop that some percentage of guys have.  There are guys freaking out with fear that they might have gynecomastia when they don't.  Some are freaking out that their nipples show through their shirts.  Middle school for guys with breasts is hell. 

[HairyKnockers]

Truby you are what therapists call a gunny sacker; you collect instances where you feel you were wronged and then pull them out and beat the offender over the head with them—metaphorically speaking.  You said, "A few things weighed on my mind for several years.”  That, from my many years of experience, is classic gunny sacking.  And I bet it is not a “few things” but more like dozens and dozens of wrongs and injustices that you have collected.  Here is my advice, empty the gunny sack out and just get over it.  You and your ex-husband are divorced what do you care now.  I notice that you still refer to him as your “husband”, doesn’t take a Freudian to figure out that you still will not let go.  Probably because you still have stuff left in the sack you need to beat on him.

If you are trying to reconcile, I suggest intense couples’ therapy.  Remarriages fail at a rate much higher than initial marriages.  Simply because you are marrying the good things you liked about your ex-spouse and forgetting the bad things which will eventually drive you nuts again, normally more quickly the second time around.

Truby your feelings have little or nothing to do with gynecomastia and liposuction, you simply need something to feel aggrieved about.  A quarter of a century later does it really matter?

[bikerbob]

Well done, Hairy.  You just described my ex wife.  She enjoys being angry and is constantly on the lookout for something to be offended by, which may explain why she seldom works anywhere for longer than 3 months.  We keep an eye on her facebook posts because she is batshit crazy to the point that one son has threatened her with a restraining order and the other one keeps her at arm's length and she keeps rehashing stuff that happened 30 years ago.  After years of dealing with her hair trigger temper and temper tantrums 2 or 3 times a month, I pretty much quit trying to communicate with her, which could be the problem here.  Wife #2 and I have been together for several years and there is no question that I got the right one this time.  She understands about the boobs (she is a 42D) and actually bought me my first bra.  Life is good.