Years of thoughts about lving with moobs

[normexcept]

Let me start out by saying I am thrilled to have found this website.  I have read in other people's posts that they felt like they were all alone in this.  That is how this condition makes you feel.
I am 44 years old and I can remember being self conscious about my moobs as early as 5th grade in elementry school.  I remember going to an air show with my family and sitting there holding my hands over my breasts worrying about the fact that they were pointy instead of flat.  I can't remember anything about the air show but I remember the feeling of embarrasment of sitting there with my shirt off in front of hundreds of people.  I realize now that no one would have been looking at me as they were looking at the airplanes but explain that to a 5th grader.
Then the clothing styles changed in the late '70s and early 80's where people were wearing skin tight clothing.  I hated that era.  I wanted so desperately to be able to wear the ribbed tank top like the other cool looking guys but when I did, it accentuated the moobs and I felt aweful.  This brings up another subject.
I started looking at other guys chests and comparing mine to theirs and fantasizing about having a man chest instead of a girly man chest (that's how I saw it).  The pain over the years at seeing myself in the mirror and wishing I looked like those other guys was horrible.  I have suffered from depression and sexual identity issues.  I have been to counseling which helped me vocalize my feelings on some levels but I never revealed this condition and the way it made me feel to my counselor.  The counseling helped anyway as I applied some of the learning to understand myself and deal with things better that comes from counseling. I realized that I was not in love with men but in love with the manly image of what I thought a man should look like.  In spite of all that, I have been able to maintain a somewhat healthy marital relationship for 20 years.  I told my wife (girlfriend at the time) about my insecurities about my chest while we were dating.  As she was a large breasted woman who felt self conscious about her breasts, she understood and has made this condition a non issue with us.  She recently had a reduction surgery and is supportive of me doing the same.  I can't believe she got hers before I did.
I understand all of those posts I read where this condition consumes you.  It does, especially during the summer months when layering clothing is not as viable of an option.  I hate looking in mirrors but can't help doing so.  The first place I always look is my chest to see how others might see me that day.  I've tried working out at the gym and got a lot of toning UNDER my moobs but they are still there.  I have a lot of breast tissue as well as fatty deposits in a band around my chest and under my arms that doesn't seem to be much affected by diet and exercise.
Being able to sit down here and write out all these feelings that I have kept in that dark secret spot in my mind all these years feels very healing to me.  Thank you to all of you who share your thoughts and feelings.  It makes someone like me feel more "normal".

[Paa_Paw]

As we age, our priorities change. Mine are not just pointy nipples, but almost enough to fill a 46 B.

Even so, the surgery was crude until the modern methods came together about 20 years ago. By that time I was almost 50 years old. (70 next month)

Every time I got close to thinking about surgery, something would come up and the money would be used for something more important. With eight children and over 20 grandchildren, emergencies come up often enough.

It no longer matters, if I had a couple of Thou today, I'd likely use it as a down payment on a sailboat.