Gynecomastia Support Forum

Gynecomastia Acceptance => Acceptance => Topic started by: Evolver on January 25, 2023, 08:02:31 PM

Title: Body image
Post by: Evolver on January 25, 2023, 08:02:31 PM
I had never heard of Taryn Brumfitt until today. She's in the news because of an award she won last night. She has been instrumental in campaigning against body shaming. Although it seems like a women's issue, it brings to light the severity of the problem and how it affects all people.

We've talked about acceptance of our bodies here before and I think that what she said in her speech is somewhat relevant. The salient points to me are,

"We weren't born into the world hating our bodies. This is something the world has taught us.
"It is not our life's purpose to be at war with our body.
"This is not about encouraging obesity, this is not what I do, and this issue is not simply about weight or size, it's about the way that we feel about all of ourselves — our skin colour, our height, our age, our gender, our unique selves — and it is learning to move, nourish, respect and enjoy our bodies, because you can't look after something you don't love.
"When you take your final breath on this earth, what thoughts will be going through your mind? What will you be thinking about? No one has ever said to me: the size of their bum.

Hopefully, if there are people reading this who are struggling with self-acceptance due to gynecomastia, they can be encouraged by the words of Ms. Brumfitt.

'It is not our life's purpose to be at war with our body': 2023 Australian of the Year Taryn Brumfitt's speech in full - ABC News (https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-01-26/transcript-of-2023-australian-of-the-year-speech/101894322)

Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Orb on January 27, 2023, 07:42:30 AM
Thanks for sharing Evolver.

I have to agree 100 percent.  Body shaming is the problem here.  It is taught at an early age, often through none inflammatory methods. Adds selling products saying you must look this way.  Children trying to get the upper hand on the playground by hurling insults on the weaker kids to only boost their own self image.  It's hard to shake those actions and also to suppress their effects.  For many here it is still an issue learning to be dealt with.  No one knows our story and the why of, in our cases chest development, but us.  That being said it should be of no concern to them.  Me, I not as concerned with personal appearance as I am the temperament of ones spirit.  Those in my circle are kind and loving.  If not their on the sidelines of my life.
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Johndoe1 on January 27, 2023, 09:24:54 AM
Body shaming is the main reason I have had a weight problem my whole life.  I was bullied in school for my chest and after I got out I found I could hide them if I put on weight and that's where my real problems started. 
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Gotboobs on January 27, 2023, 09:58:15 AM
There will always be people that shame others for something. Body,political beliefs,clothes,and so on. These people are absolutely TOXIC. They live a miserable life. Always have to shame others to make themselves feel better. And the people that don’t say anything back to them are the kind of loving souls. Purge all toxic people from your life, don’t acknowledge toxic people in passing. Their toxicity is their problem, not ours. Who cares what others say unless they are kind words. People avoid those types, they are no fun whatsoever. We all have to live with the hand god dealt us. And all those people that go under the knife to try and look younger more beautiful, and so on. It’s all fake! They know it and we can see it. Who are they trying to kid....themselves is all.
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Orb on January 27, 2023, 10:38:25 AM
Johndoe1, I know its easier to hide our larger chest with an added few pounds in other areas.  I hope your beyond that and have a better grip on things now.  I'll bet your not the only one who gained to hide, and I'm sure others have gained weight only to find they gained in the chest also. 
I can relate a few pounds once on are harder to keep off for good.  
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: JoniDee on January 27, 2023, 10:49:46 AM
Johndoe1, I know its easier to hide our larger chest with an added few pounds in other areas.  I hope your beyond that and have a better grip on things now.  I'll bet your not the only one who gained to hide, and I'm sure others have gained weight only to find they gained in the chest also. 
I can relate a few pounds once on are harder to keep off for good. 
If I may jump in here...:)... I discovered I had breasts after I lost my first 10 pounds! And now that I've shed an additional 30, I'm happy with the fact that my girls are as large as they were when I was 40 pounds heavier, and now more visible. ;)
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Evolver on January 28, 2023, 05:29:37 AM
I have since read in another article that Taryn's next campaign will focus on kids. She said children started off believing their bodies were strong and powerful, before changing their minds. "It's getting younger and younger I have to say, I only spoke to a six-year-old recently who was dieting,"

More relevant for us here, Men are not immune from dysfunctional relationships with their bodies. In Ms Brumfitt's conversations with men and school-aged boys, they have told her about their worries over going bald or not having big enough muscles. "It's often suppressed. They're not sharing their thoughts, but there's a lot that's holding them back as well," she said. "I think we all need to be part of this conversation when it comes to body image. It's not just for women, it's for everybody." After the success of the documentaries for women and kids, she now plans to make one focused on men.

It's probably not mainstream enough, but wouldn't it be wonderful if mental battles dealing with gynecomastia were mentioned in her proposed documentary about men?




Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Johndoe1 on January 28, 2023, 10:13:57 AM
Johndoe1, I know its easier to hide our larger chest with an added few pounds in other areas.  I hope your beyond that and have a better grip on things now.  I'll bet your not the only one who gained to hide, and I'm sure others have gained weight only to find they gained in the chest also. 
I can relate a few pounds once on are harder to keep off for good. 
Thank you Orb. In those days I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with my breasts. Today is a much different story. I wear what is comfortable and if my chest shows, then it shows. I don't care.

 I have found that most women do NOT run around trying to show off their breasts all the time. They have specific times when they WANT their breasts to be emphasized, but mostly they want to not be the center of attention. Of course you have some women who are overly sexualized all the time on purpose, but most aren't and that is when you see them wearing comfortable tops that don't purposely emphasize their breasts, while still maintaining their femininity. I have tried to learn from that and it has served me well so far.
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Orb on January 28, 2023, 10:49:04 AM
That is a great place to be.  Good for you!

I only hope others reading these threads can, with words as written here, can get to that place as well.
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: gotgyne on January 28, 2023, 11:09:26 AM
In Germany some private lingerie shops (no chains) are members of a "No Body Shaming" or "Body Positivity" movement. Often these shops welcome not only women but also men who buy bras, panties, corsets and other items of lingerie for themselves.
John
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: aboywithgirls on January 28, 2023, 11:17:00 AM
John,
You are so right! While I went for years wearing women's slacks and jeans and even blouses along with bras and panties, I did my best to still try to present somewhere between masculine and androgynous. 

That being said, I did alot of studying of what the ladies would wear to the office where I work. I also studied what they wore shopping, grocery shopping, out on a date, and even formal occasions.

When I transitioned, I was so fortunate to have my wife's guidance as well as alot of mental notes to go by. As a woman, I have the ability to show the fact that I indeed have breasts and that my bra line shows through like the other girls at work. Yes, my boobs and bras did show through before transitioning but, I could be more open and feel more comfortable around new people who didn't know how large man boobs could grow. 

I wish all of you peace with yourself, your figure and with what you choose to wear. My breasts and hips didn't make me a woman. Nor did any GRS. My womanhood stemmed from my heart, soul and mind which made my acceptance easier. 

Love you guys. And thank you ❤️ for accepting me. 

❤️Sophie ❤️
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Orb on January 28, 2023, 11:59:38 AM
John, I think that's awsome.  Its to bad we have to put a name on something that should be common courtesy.  Being a kind and a good human. 

Sophie your right.  Read the cues from the women around us and apply.

I Too am glad your here.  
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: gotgyne on January 28, 2023, 04:01:07 PM
Hi Sophie and Orb,
 
both of you are so right.
In the USA there are some women too, who accept us as we are. One example is Erica, the former co-owner of 'A Sophisticated Pair', a specialty bra shop based in NC from 2011 until the fall of 2020 (from her own description).
She has two articles by a guest author about gynecomastia on her website.
https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey/ (https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey/)

https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey-pt-2/ (https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey-pt-2/)

John
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Rich meier on January 28, 2023, 04:20:23 PM
very interesting articles but the bra calculater stiil gives abigger cup size that doesnt fit me
 I reallneed a fitting but in the mean time I will stick with my sports bras and leisure bras
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Johndoe1 on January 28, 2023, 08:14:52 PM
She has two articles by a guest author about gynecomastia on her website.
https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey/ (https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey/)

https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey-pt-2/ (https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey-pt-2/)
And I was the guest author. Surprise!
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Evolver on January 29, 2023, 05:04:06 AM
John,
You are so right! While I went for years wearing women's slacks and jeans and even blouses along with bras and panties, I did my best to still try to present somewhere between masculine and androgynous.

That being said, I did alot of studying of what the ladies would wear to the office where I work. I also studied what they wore shopping, grocery shopping, out on a date, and even formal occasions.

When I transitioned, I was so fortunate to have my wife's guidance as well as alot of mental notes to go by. As a woman, I have the ability to show the fact that I indeed have breasts and that my bra line shows through like the other girls at work. Yes, my boobs and bras did show through before transitioning but, I could be more open and feel more comfortable around new people who didn't know how large man boobs could grow.

I wish all of you peace with yourself, your figure and with what you choose to wear. My breasts and hips didn't make me a woman. Nor did any GRS. My womanhood stemmed from my heart, soul and mind which made my acceptance easier.

Love you guys. And thank you ❤️ for accepting me.

❤️Sophie ❤️
Scarily accurate!

I'm not transitioning, but I am letting my appearance change a bit in order to better acknowledge how I feel about myself nowadays. For those that don't know, I'm growing my hair. Now, I spend far too much time studying women and taking mental notes of different hairstyles etc. It's never ending! I think it's perfectly natural to observe others when heading in a different direction to one's old self though.  

Sophie, your saying about heart, soul and mind, I know you've mentioned that before, but it resonates just as strong now. Those words should be immortalized.

No, thank YOU.🤗 Like it or not, you're our guru, and I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that you are universally respected, loved and admired here. ❤️
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Evolver on January 29, 2023, 05:38:32 AM
Ahem. OK, back to topic. Regarding body image and what we think of ourselves, which is influenced by outside factors, I'm far luckier than many of you in that I had a normal puberty and playing on the skins team etc. wasn't an issue.

I felt far worse about myself in my 40's than what I do now, even though I was lighter and less pronounced. For the record I am now 176cm/5'9" and a bit, 88kg/194lb. I did blow out to 95kg/209lb a couple of years ago but I am more motivated now to up my exercise regime which I achieve through bike riding and walking. I quit jogging a few years ago due to joint pain, and blew out after that. Point is, I felt worse about myself when I was 79kg/174lb all those years ago compared to when I was 76kg/168lb before that! Obviously I was far younger then but the pressure, pressure, pressure to be strong and lean was almost unbearable. It actually had the reverse effect for me and I gained weight ever after.

Two years ago we had a family fun day at an indoor swim center/water playground joint. I somehow ended up with the duty of chasing my then 3yo granddaughter around the place, going from one piece of equipment to the other, in and out of all the pools etc, feeling horribly exposed being topless in my condition in public. Yes, I've lost weight since then, but I don't think my moobs are any smaller now (bra cups are equally filled but bands are looser). Point is, if I had that same day again now, I WOULDN'T CARE! I have learnt to love my body for what it is and I have learnt to accept what comes with it. In fact, in public now, I puff my chest out.

I still aim to lose more weight but I'm not trying to be skinny. What I take from Taryn's words is that I'm doing ok, heading in the right direction, but I won't beat myself up for not being 'ideal', whatever that is.    
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: gotgyne on January 29, 2023, 11:55:21 AM
She has two articles by a guest author about gynecomastia on her website.
https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey/ (https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey/)

https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey-pt-2/ (https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey-pt-2/)
And I was the guest author. Surprise!

Wow Johndoe1! Very well written.

I'd like pointing out especially the end of part 2:

Allow my breasts to exist on my body in peace.

My philosophy is simply: “Yes world, I am a guy with boobs. Get over it.”

I think everyone of us will sign this. Maybe without Sophie, since she is no guy with boobs for the world anymore but the woman she ever was for herself. Sophie, we love you!
John
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: aboywithgirls on January 29, 2023, 12:13:56 PM
I think everyone of us will sign this. Maybe without Sophie, since she is no guy with boobs for the world anymore but the woman she ever was for herself. Sophie, we love you!
John
OMG! That is so sweet of you ❤️ to say! It is sooooooo ironic. As a guy, I had always felt like a woman and wanted to be "one of the girls ". Now, as a woman, I am so grateful to be "one of the guys " here, exchanging knowledge and ideas about boobs and bras. 
❤️💋👠🥰🫂🤗

Forever grateful,
❤️Sophie ❤️
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: MIMAN on January 29, 2023, 06:29:25 PM

I think everyone of us will sign this. Maybe without Sophie, since she is no guy with boobs for the world anymore but the woman she ever was for herself. Sophie, we love you!
John
OMG! That is so sweet of you ❤️ to say! It is sooooooo ironic. As a guy, I had always felt like a woman and wanted to be "one of the girls ". Now, as a woman, I am so grateful to be "one of the guys " here, exchanging knowledge and ideas about boobs and bras.
❤️💋👠🥰🫂🤗

Forever grateful,
❤️Sophie ❤️

I'll second that!

John
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Johndoe1 on January 30, 2023, 07:03:14 AM
She has two articles by a guest author about gynecomastia on her website.
https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey/ (https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey/)

https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey-pt-2/ (https://sophisticatednotion.com/guest-post-a-gynecomastia-journey-pt-2/)
And I was the guest author. Surprise!

Wow Johndoe1! Very well written.

I'd like pointing out especially the end of part 2:

Allow my breasts to exist on my body in peace.

My philosophy is simply: “Yes world, I am a guy with boobs. Get over it.”

I think everyone of us will sign this. Maybe without Sophie, since she is no guy with boobs for the world anymore but the woman she ever was for herself. Sophie, we love you!
John
Thank you gotgyne.

I am finding as I continue this journey, that more and more people are doing that. Not everyone, but enough people that my body imagine has gotten much better. And the few people who do know (all women) have been very encouraging and I am thankful for that. Since I started treating my breasts for what they are, and in the same matter as women do, that has also helped. It's these little things combined together that has made the real difference. And it has taken me years to get to this point. I have also found that many women are just as traumatized about body imagine and their breasts are we are. They are just much more open about it.
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: Orb on January 31, 2023, 09:11:37 AM
Thanks JD1. 
It takes time to sort out words and comments.  Time to analyze, interpret and to shape our inner feelings.  Not everyone can get to a place of total acceptance of body image. In my own close family there is one woman who has had breast augmentation and another who has had reduction surgery.  Societal pressure and how its processed between their ears helped influence each of them to make the  change to meet personal happiness.  Granted the reduction was for a quality of life issue not outside pressure wholly. 

" Between stimulus and response there is a space.  In that space is our power to chose our response.  In our response lies our growth and freedom."  Viktor E. Frankl
Title: Re: Body image
Post by: gotgyne on February 01, 2023, 06:57:59 AM
All of your comments are very worth reading again and again. While doing so, I remembered that in this forum some years ago there was someone (Alchemist) who was a member of a nudist club. He stated that there was no body-shaming and no reaction to his 44DD breasts, no judging and no harassment by the other members.

Here is Alchemist's thread:

https://forum.gynecomastia.org/index.php?topic=24240.0 (https://forum.gynecomastia.org/index.php?topic=24240.0)

He wrote: "At any nudist club, one sees quite a few men with gynecomastia to some degree or another.  It’s as common and normal as the statistics indicate.  Among nudists, breasts, or lack thereof, on any body, are a complete non issue.  There are women walking around with single or double mastectomies, with various stages and types of reconstruction or none at all.  They don’t have to hide their “shame” of BREAST cancer and BREAST surgery as I have heard it expressed by some textile compulsives.  The hostility towards the body in general in this American society is huge."

I have noticed the same as an avid sauna user. Here in Germany being naked in the cabin (with only a large towel beneath the body) is mandatory. Nobody stares at my breasts. Four years ago I visited a sauna together with a female of 80 years. We were members of the same hiking club and did a very strenous hike up and down. In fact she was in better physical condition than me. Back at the hotel we used the pool and the sauna, so did the other members of the hiking club and other guests. No comment on my breasts. Not by her, nor by anyone else.
And at one of my sauna visits at another site there was a young man with an ostomy and the bag on his belly. Nobody of the other guests - including me - stared at him. Only a glimpse, than a friendly "hello" from us.

And later later in the thread: "The only women that have ever said anything to me of a hostile nature have all had small breasts and presumably a lot of body shame."

This is quite interesting. Let me tell you something else. I've had problems with the veins in my legs since beeing a teenager and have started wearing support pantyhose at that time. Not every day but on the days my legs were stressed a lot. If you've ever attended a public event (rock concert and so on), standing the whole afternoon and in the evening with swollen and very painful legs at home, you get what I mean. I wore them for more than a decade until at age 28 I had to switch to medical compression hosiery. (Later I nevertheless got four deep vein thromboses). I never dared to wear the hose in public with shorts, even in summer. This changed in 2000. Since then I wore my compression pantyhose with shorts. I've worked as a parking-lot attendant for about 10 years, always with shorts from spring to fall. There were some women who looked at me with an expression of hate in their face. I'm quite sure, that they had to wear compression stockings too but did not dare to wear them visible. This explains a lot to me. In fact I believe that often people who are very self-conscious are hostile to others who have no body shame on themselves.

John

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