Author Topic: Thank you for helping me to start accepting  (Read 1365 times)

Offline 42CSuprise!

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This is a wonderful thread to read since it encapsulates the discussion most of us have had... are continuing to have, as we find our way to self-acceptance.  We talk about our struggles, our confusion, fear, shame AND we talk about stepping beyond those things and claiming our aliveness.  I'm not about to put my breasts on display, but I certainly don't need to reject this body that has carried me through life all these years.  I too felt I never measured up.  I tried to tone my body with extreme exercise and diet.  It never worked.  I've always had a soft body with curves.  Now I'm doing my best to care for myself both physically and emotionally.  Acceptance is key.  It is comforting being with like-minded men who understand this territory from first hand experience.  Welcome tryingtoaccept.

Offline Aussie63

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Aussie63 Thanks for the post.  You make a great point about it all depending on the situation you are in.  It got me thinking.  If I was in a place where everyone was fit and had a chiseled physique, I would be very self-conscience even without the boobs.  But if I was in an area like you were saying where everyone was more "hefty" :) than I would most likely not give it a second thought.  Thanks for making this post, it got me really thinking.
You're welcome, mate.

It seems like we all do a great deal of thinking about self-acceptance, no matter how far along the path we've gone. I still do. I've come to the concusion that this 'acceptance' side of the forum has as much to do with dealing with our feelings about gynecomastia rather than the gynecomastia itself. Every now and then, light bulb moments occur after reading what others have written, and we take another step along that path. 

"Claiming our aliveness" said 42C above. Another great piece of advice.
Evolving. And....loving it!

Offline tryingtoaccept

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42CSurprise, learning to accept our body and be happy is the key.  Being happy is a state of mind in the face of things we don’t like or want.

Offline 42CSuprise!

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There was an article in the New York Times Magazine written by a woman who decided to have breast reduction surgery.  She tells the story seldom expressed about how unsettling it was to develop breasts and receive all kinds of attention she didn't want... attention that led her to do things she regretted.  Men here also got attention we didn't want but there was no way to translate that into anything society could celebrate.  The people ogling this women found it exciting and interpreted her breasts as meaning she wanted attention.

She is very happy with the decision to reduce the size of her breasts.  Of course, her story is not our story.  Perhaps the closest analogue would be the woman unhappy with her body because of how small her breasts are.  She would be thinking about breast augmentation, likely in the same way as men with gynecomastia would think about breast reduction.  It is all about coming to peace with the bodies we've been given but that journey isn't always easy... as men here can attest.

Here's a link to that article... The Feminist Case For Breast Reduction

Offline Orb

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Thanks for sharing 42C surprise. 

I have tried to share that message often. Accept yourself then others will follow.  Doesn't make it easy. 
I know several woman who have surgery to reduce their breast size.  Each told a story much the same.  Unwanted attention for the wrong reason.  Didn't see them for the individual they really were.  I feel the same can be said of us. 

  I don't know how to change society but will keep trying as I know best and can.

Be well friends.  Keep strong no matter what comes your way.  We are all amazing individuals in our own way.  Continue that way.

Offline tryingtoaccept

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Hopefully society will start adjusting and become more accepting of gynecomastia.  That would really take away the vast majority of mens anxiety.

Online gotgyne

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There was an article in the New York Times Magazine written by a woman who decided to have breast reduction surgery.  She tells the story seldom expressed about how unsettling it was to develop breasts and receive all kinds of attention she didn't want... attention that led her to do things she regretted.  Men here also got attention we didn't want but there was no way to translate that into anything society could celebrate.  The people ogling this women found it exciting and interpreted her breasts as meaning she wanted attention.

She is very happy with the decision to reduce the size of her breasts.  Of course, her story is not our story.  Perhaps the closest analogue would be the woman unhappy with her body because of how small her breasts are.  She would be thinking about breast augmentation, likely in the same way as men with gynecomastia would think about breast reduction.  It is all about coming to peace with the bodies we've been given but that journey isn't always easy... as men here can attest.

Here's a link to that article... The Feminist Case For Breast Reduction

The problem is that female breasts are sexualized by society. This is so strange in some cases that even women after a bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction ("going flat") are prohibited to visit a public pool without a bikini or bathing suit. If society would look upon female breasts only for breastfeeding, many women could breastfeed their baby in public without any silly laws prohibiting it. I do understand clearly why many feminists don't like that their breasts are sexualized.
A bra is just an article of clothing for people with breasts.

Offline 42CSuprise!

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I remember visiting a good friend, decades ago, the mother of my god-daughter who was she about two years old at the time.  As we sat chatting, this little girl unbuttoned the single button holding her mother's blouse closed, pulled the two panels apart to expose bare breasts.  She didn't lean forward to nurse, but instead gazed from one breast to the other... back and forth.  To an infant, a mother's breasts are the most precious thing in the world.  Somehow that fixation translates into something sexual when we get older.  Unfortunately, in this culture puritanical values that go back centuries add to the intrigue and arousal.  In cultures where women's breasts are not always covered, I doubt this fixation exists.  They're only breasts after all.

It actually helps me to remember when I'm inclined to objectify a woman's body to remember HER priority is to carry a child and offer those breasts to feed that infant.  That is much more important than feeding MY arousal.  I expect men who have children understand that better than those of us who don't.

Offline Johndoe1

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For me, after I accepted my breasts, I didn't look at women's breasts the same way I had before. I don't see them as sexual objects but like an arm or a leg. I don't stare. I most of the time hardly pay any attention. A woman would have to be putting her chest on display, and some do, before I would give her chest a second glance. Usually if I do notice I am checking out do my breasts add up to hers. I wonder what bra she is wearing? Wonder where she got that top? How can I get mine to look that good? Certainly not the usual male thoughts when looking a woman's chest. But if I don't want my chest to be ogled at, then I shouldn't do that to others. If I want the same respect, I have to show the same respect I myself want. Breasts are no longer just a sexual object. They are flesh and blood and can hurt and be sensitive as any other body part.

Offline My twins

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Same here! Once my wife and her sister were walking through the mall, I was waiting for them in a seati g area by the stairs.. I was watching a couple of young ladies go up the stairs when my sister-in-law saw me looking. She pointed out to my wife and said "look at him checking them out", without even thinking my wife told her " it's not what you think, he is criticising how they are dressed ". I was and when my wife asked what I was doing I said " it's sad that those ladies think they can pull it off wearing those clothes.

My wife knows me well enough that she knew what I was doing and she knows I could pick out clothes that those girls would have look great in! 
Life is too short to worry about being judged by people that we would never take advice from anyway.

Offline tryingtoaccept

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Same here! Once my wife and her sister were walking through the mall, I was waiting for them in a seati g area by the stairs.. I was watching a couple of young ladies go up the stairs when my sister-in-law saw me looking. She pointed out to my wife and said "look at him checking them out", without even thinking my wife told her " it's not what you think, he is criticising how they are dressed ". I was and when my wife asked what I was doing I said " it's sad that those ladies think they can pull it off wearing those clothes.

My wife knows me well enough that she knew what I was doing and she knows I could pick out clothes that those girls would have look great in!
Funny story, my wife and I have been married 8 years now.  In that short time she is understanding me more and more but in this situation she would laugh and say I was “checking them out”.  She knows I would never cheat on her so she would laugh about it.

Offline Dudewithboobs

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It is funny that since developing breasts I have gone from insecurity to curiosity when seeing women with smaller to mild breasts. Essentially equal as such to mine. And going from omg am I gonna look like that to I wonder how they get their clothes to look like that. I can’t imagine ever wearing a woman’s top given my chest size but understand why others would. 
I find myself now days just looking at a woman’s bust like others do here and admiring the fit and shape in a observing manner never in sexual. Can’t even remember last time my brain went to dang look at her now days it’s more so wish I could wear a bra like that 

Offline blad

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Since I began to wear bras many years ago, I have continually observed the bra outlines on women to study the style and fit of their bras.
If the bra fits, wear it.

Online taxmapper

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A bit of anecdotal statement here. 

So when this started for me I instantly accepted it and enjoyed it. I knew exactly what was happening, but had no idea as to what I was in for. 

Today (5-18 ) I was feeling a great deal of discomfort from the growth. Yes annoying, but I am willing to live through it. 

My bust line is now hitting 50 inches and the sensation of the growth is continuing on telling me that mine are about to grow even more. 

Perhaps it's my wiring, but I feel like its completely natural and look forward to where its going.  I love them, and the sensations are changing even more.   

To some it sucks and violates the guy code.   But for me its almost as though it's about time. 

Offline tryingtoaccept

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Taxmappet, it is great that you have so whole heartedly excepted them.  I doubt I will ever get to your level of acceptance but it is great that you have.


 

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