Author Topic: My Actual Obstacle to Acceptance - and your responses...  (Read 8969 times)

Offline B2L

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First of all, I haven't been on here since last year and it's still January, so I'd like to say happy new year to everyone.

Since my last post in November (which was an unhappy "last ditch effort" post, a growing up experience that I can now look back and laugh on), I think I've been able to sit back and see things clearly. Thank you to all the people that gave me a hand, and others that gave me a headache ::haha::


After many nights of deep thought, much soul searching and counseling, I've realized my only obstacle in acceptance -- It's just a matter of deeply etched embarrassment.

It's not just that the embarrassment is there. What makes it an obstacle is the constant reinforcement of the embarrassment. From the "Are you on hormones?" Jokes (referencing Male to Female Pre-Operation Transsexuals and a gay male's feminine nature), people poking/pinching at my nipples/chest because they see breasts through my shirt, to the trivializing of my condition to laziness/gayness (claiming I just need to workout and that it (breast tissue) will burn off) and just plain ignorance (especially from the ones I would hope wouldn't be so dumb) on an very frequent basis, is a serious annoyance.

Apart from the frequency, it's also the source of this kind of negative treatment. I've gotten it from strangers, acquaintances, people at school, people at church, people at work, and worst of all friends and family members. They don't realize that what's a joke or funny to them, isn't for us. It's no better than making fun of someone with a mental disorder that can't do anything about it which is something that people will look down upon. However, the people that function normally through life with psych disorders or physical abnormalities are the ones that get trivialized, made fun of, and it's "okay". For my friends and family, I've tried to educate them - let them know what it is, how it affects me, how it makes me feel - but again, that's to no avail because they're stuck in their beliefs.

The issue is that the embarrassment is what's keeping me from being social. Always feeling people look at my chest before they look at me; not feeling comfortable wearing certain clothes because I know that my chest is going to be visible -- even though I REALLY love the clothes/style; are just some examples. It's also big discouragement when ever I decide to go workout, make changes, etc.; the fact that it will always be right over my chest -- even if i flex/pose; my chest will always be soft -- even if the rest of my body is ripped/shredded/cut (which ever word makes you happier); the visibility of my chest through my ballet class clothing (given it's all fitting).

I didn't get to where I am today overnight. It took years to build the mind, body and soul I am today. However I also understand that I can't expect to change immediately. I didn't get here overnight, so I cant expect to change overnight either. So I do the best I can with what I have by continuing to change concepts, views and ideas day by day.

The problem is, I don't know what to do in the meantime.

What do I do when somebody comes by to tease or insult me while I'm trying to build self-confidence and self-acceptance? How do I fight the image in the mirror that shows me that I have a development that shouldn't be there? Or how about the bouncing feeling when I jump or run up/down the stairs that lets me know I have more of a breast than chest? Will I ever be able to change clothes or shower comfortably in a locker room? Or walk down the street/beach shirtless in the summer?

Now that I feel better for getting that off my chest coherently :D.

Thanks for taking the time out to read this pretty lengthy post and thank you in advance for all of your great helpful and constructive words of wisdom.

B2L

  • Please remember, that this is in terms of a 18-21 year old. In that age group, most confidence is based of of social interaction and body image... careers, marriage, children, etc, come much later.
  • What was it like for you to deal with Gynecomastia when you are my age? Was just like what I described, worse or better?
  • We unfortunately can't change the mindsets of others that are convinced that Gynecomastia is just a trivial abnormality, however we can change the way we view the world and receive criticism. What are some ways you've come to do that: things you say to yourself, things you do to help yourself feel better, etc?
  • What does one do when somebody comes by to tease or insult them while I'm trying to build self-confidence and self-acceptance?
  • How did you manage to go about activities (like going to the gym, swimming, beach, locker rooms while trying to maintain a low level of embarrassment?
« Last Edit: January 27, 2008, 02:21:49 AM by B2L »

Offline headheldhigh01

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hey b2l.  i'm not an accepter, in the sense that i want rid of mine, but at risk of saying the obvious, it's about accepting yourself, period.  you can choose to accept the gyne in the mirror or not, and you don't have to accept other people's stupidity with it. 

for me the biggest step was just learning what this is, and maybe on some subconscious level, recognizing that this was not my fault, that it was nothing wrong with me or who i am, and that i had nothing to do with this.  maybe it's just practice, but it would be the same way i would try to shrug it off if somebody was joking about where i was from, i'd think that was the most ridiculous thing i'd heard of.  if you're trying to be social with people who are so insecure they have to act like that, are they really people you want anything to do with anyway?  ask them if they make fun of disfigured kids in wheelchairs.  tell them to get a life and stop acting like they were three.  look them in the eye and ask them if they make jokes about people's ethnic physique or people with crossed eyes, ask them what's wrong with them.  you don't have to be rude or hostile or pushy, you're trying to make them think and wake up.  the main thing is you understand it has nothing to do with you, you keep peace with yourself, and you accept the fact that under the behavior there's a complete, good, sensitive human being down inside, but until they peel that off themselves, they're basically a bunch of annoying buzzing gnats.  you hinted your family went to church.  ask them if jesus made fun of the cripple at the pool of bethesda, and if not, whether he wouldn't throw them out of his temple as a bunch of loveless Godless hypocrites today with a good whipping.  or get the reverend/priest/whatever to shame them for what they are (though many of those are useless cowards too).  if that's not what's right, maybe something else will inspire you at the right moment. 

the fact you're in the school age range makes it harder, because the fact is most of your peers just aren't mature.  they're still testing each other for things to put down without thinking about it.  for most of us, this was misery.  taunting aside, it's wrong that a fit person should have to give up soccer or swimming, and the only thing you can do with what's already happened is grow from the experience and be glad you've found out what this is now instead of 20 years from now after scr*wing up the love of your life.  i became an expert at changing in the locker room in seconds when nobody was looking.  i've stated my belief here i actually think guys with gyne have a right to talk to a guidance counselor and get a complete exemption from pe just because it can be, even in the subtle ways, an unacceptably hostile environment, and if they want to make you sign a pledge to bike 20 miles a week, do it.  if i had a kid with gyne, that's what i'd do.  and if some coach were foolish enough to drop some comment about it to other kids, i'd threaten a suit and get his sorry @ss fired before the sun was down ;D 

your self confidence comes from within.  it's got nothing to do with them.  you're in control and decide what you do with this or not, and how you handle yourself.  once they see you respect yourself, it'll be a little depressing for them instead or they'll have more reason to respect you because you're unfazed.  if they still don't like you, put a friendly hand on their shoulder, smile, and tell them they're a sh*tty judge of character, you're a pretty okay guy, and they can go straight to hell ;) 

« Last Edit: January 28, 2008, 12:29:00 AM by headheldhigh01 »
* a man is more than a body will ever tell
* if it screws up your life the same, is there really any such thing as "mild" gyne?

Offline WishmasterK

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OldandTired

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eh eh eh  >:( :( ??? Let's all post garbage here !!!
Moderators join in too !!!!!
This, so called, acceptance section is so well supported isn't it?

Offline WishmasterK

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eh eh eh  >:( :( ??? Let's all post garbage here !!!
Moderators join in too !!!!!
This, so called, acceptance section is so well supported isn't it?


Looks like someone is looking for a fight... Just because im a little laid back and this section is not as 'serious' as the other section doesn't mean it isn't well supported.

And before you reply with some obnoxious comment, just don't.

Offline WishmasterK

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Yep but it's not something I do lightly, I prefer to give warning first, then start deleting posts, then ban.

Offline B2L

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Not to upset the powers that be... but only one of the replies on this thread actually has anything to do with the original post.... - and to him I highly thank for his input.

pjnIL

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Body image, self confidence, self esteem, etc are all things you create.  These are all inside us.  We create our body image.  We determine our level of confidence.  The biggest obstacle to acceptance is caring about people's opinion on the matter.  You will accept gyno when you stop caring about people's opinion on the matter.  I am very social.  Most of my friends either do not care about my gyno or do not say anything about it.  If someone says something about it, I really do not care.  I am not interested in their opinion on the matter.  Depend on yourself.  You are important because you assert that you are, not because other people say you are.  Confidence is not dependent on other people. 

Offline Paa_Paw

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I went into the USAF at the age of 18 and remained in for over 8 years. So I was in the Air Force from age 18 almost to age 27.

The first year was really rough due to community showers etc. After basic training and technical school things changed for the better.

Another factor that made that first year bad was the fact that I was surrounded by a number of people who were not exactly the sharpest tools in their respective sheds.

I went into the Medial service and found myself among people with a higher level of education and understanding.

You must understand that I did not come to a decision to accept my Gynecomastia, There was not really much choice at that time. You see my 18th birthday was in july of 1955. The modern surgical methods were still decades away.
Grandpa Dan

Offline atomicmonkey15

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B2L, i just wanted to say that you are a very strong man, even more so than those who make fun of you.  Keep your head up and you will be successful at everything you do.  One thing that might help you is a belief in a God, maybe you could try going to church's or temples... whichever religion you follow.  By accepting that a power greater than you runs your life, then other opinions dont matter.  Its a hard concept to grasp, but with the right guidance you can find your happyness.


 

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