Author Topic: I think this is therapeutic and may keep me from hurting myself, so here goes...  (Read 4374 times)

Offline Chronotoker

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I'm 37 and have had gyno since puberty, but it was minor and I never really cared. Fast forward to 30, and one day I wake up blind. I could only see dark and light.

I went to the hospital and they found a pituitary tumor, a massive tumor that was compressing my carotid artery. I went in for emergency surgery, and they restored my vision to better than 20/20.  In the process though, it destroyed my pituitary gland and they couldn't remove all of it because I was 100% chance of stroke.

My testosterone never recovered, and I was placed on trt after gaining close to 60lbs. I've been up and down on weight but I finally got it under control and am down to 218 as of today.

The weight loss has made the gyno more apparent, and it's having a strain on my marriage. It's not my wife, it's me. I haven't smiled in months, I still need the trt despite knowing it's contributing to the gyno.

I am about 1 year and 9 months out  from surgery. I plan to have my nipples completely removed because they have become huge. I've come very close to killing myself over this, but I'm trying really hard to make it thru this for my wife. I know the low estrogen is causing this depressive bout, but if I jump of the ai, they swell so bad.

I've bought a compression vest and it completely removes any appearance of gyno, but I still stay indoors and refuse to go out unless it's my job.

Sometimes I pray at nights that I have a heart attack or something in my sleep, aneurysm, something. Something to escape this pain. I know my wife would be well taken care of with my extensive insurance policies, so I would be ok with it if I didn't have to feel this humiliation and pain.

I know this sounds selfish, am I'm sorry if it comes across this way. 1 year and 9 months seems so far away. I hope I can make it.
 

hammer

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I know your hurting, but this isn't the end of the world! I don't know if you have read other stories, but others have gone through a lot of pain including losing children! I loss one in 1988 at the age of 6 and then his two brothers for 23 years because their mother refused visitation!

My health has been on roller coster as well, and like you with ups and downs, just read my story after all these years, just updated today!

Like I said in my last post to you, breast don't change who you are! Going into a wheelchair didn't make me any shorter, either, just made it posible for me to go farther as walking was becoming to difficult to do!

If you would like to talk, PM me and we can do so.

Bob

Offline Chronotoker

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Thank you Hammer - you're a good man.

Today I dropped to 1.25mg of letro on my taper off. Letro is some nasty nasty stuff and I don't recommend using it to try and reduce gyno.

I'm still not eating yet, I've become largely anorexic now thinking every time I eat, my breasts get bigger. I lost 2lbs between today and yesterday, weighed in at 214 today.

I did get out for brisk walk last night which helped the mental anguish when I lay in bed at  nights focusing on this.

I really, really hope once I'm off the letro that my mind and mental health pick back up. I never been so  affected by something like this before, I mean I woke up with no vision  when I had the tumors and I had a more positive outlook than now, I certainly didn't want to kill myself then, so I'm really hoping it's the letro messin with me

hammer

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Sadly the only way to rid yourself of gyne is surgery!

I was a totally fit Peer muscle construction company owner/ worker military vet before I had to go on insulin to get control of my diabetes. I weighed in at 225, but I was about 7% BMI! I had already started to put on weight due to the sugers being out of control and, I needed to go on the insulin to get the sugars in control or continue to do damage to my body in many ways. I had already developed neuropathy very bad in my feet and was having trouble walking. I had lost my testicles after a vasectomy a few years earlier either to the diabetes or my autoimmune system not seeing the testicals as a normal part of my body any more.

You see, we never knew I had diabetes until this time due to a blood disorder that masked it, so I had years of untreated diabetes that had started doing damage long before I knew it. My going on the insulin my doctor said that I would put on up to 100lbs, and I did! I ended up weighing 333lbs at my highest weight and my breast have grown to 46H!

I've lost about 70lbs but I'm stuck there, but I still watch what I eat however I'm not going to beat myself up thinking that I'll be 195 again like a was before going into the Navy.

Life is full up ups and downs, hold those who love you and accept you unconditionally as close to you as you can, love them as they love you, that is unconditionally, and learn to love yourself the same way!


Bob


 

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