Lying to ourselves 🤔

[Brdy64]

This is quite the touchy subject as many if not all of us have been guilty of this. 

It means telling yourself something over and over until you almost believe it. This is contrary to your innermost feelings. It also involves replicating that outward to those around you. 
It's a natural defense mechanism for individuals wishing not to address feelings that make them uncomfortable. 

This has 'everything' to do with your current level of acceptance!

In one of my cases it was whether I was or was not a male. Calling myself a male all those years was a lie, but not intentional. 
Simply my defense mechanism to avoid addressing the truth: 'I am a female'. 
I have and had feelings that a male would not have including desires (I won't go into detail here). Hiding from them was because I couldn't accept things yet. I lied!

We all have issues we are dealing with. Aspects of our own personal lives we really wish not to address. We lie to ourselves, and in addition those around us. 
It's not intentional to cause harm to anyone, and should not judged by anyone either. 

We are all guilty of it. 

[aboywithgirls]

I know that I was living the lie pretending to be a man. My wife forced me to face my truth. 

I was devastated when I was given 4 weeks notice that I would be returning to the office after working from home during the Covid closings. My longish hair was longer and I LOVED how she had trimmed and showed me how to style it. I had mastered my makeup and was wearing mostly skirts and dresses at home. I didn't want to cut my hair. I was happy living as a woman and she was happy that I was happy. She loved me no matter how I looked. She was the one who convinced me to call my boss and tell her about Sophie. A couple of years prior, because of hormonal fluctuations, I began to express breast milk and had to pump them down mid-day (big mistake BTW. All that did was prolong my milk production). She let me use her private bathroom during lunch to pump. She was not a bit surprised except for the fact that she thought that I would have transitioned sooner. 

Over all, I think that everyone I knew, already knew that I was lying about the fact that I was a man. I thought that I could wear a bra and panties and wear a blouse and ladies slacks and jeans and everyone would think that I was comfortable with being a man.

I was definitely lying to myself while everyone else already knew the truth. I am also sorry that I wasn't truthful sooner with the members of this forum. 

❤️Sophie❤️

[Brdy64]

Yes Sophie, it seems that everyone around me already knew it. I was the only one still lying to myself, and others.
It's quite refreshing when you make the announcement, and the people around you are like, "What's new?"

In my case I was the world's 'worst' kept secret.

Those in the forum really didn't know me well enough, but friends and family have known for decades.
I too am sorry for starting this forum based on a lie. It wasn't intentional, just my feeble attempt of hiding myself from myself. 

[blad]

Not exactly in the same camp as I am OK being a guy that happens to have boobs and need a bra.

But I remember having to live a bit of a lie way back in high school. As I have stated before I was constantly told I needed a bra by age 13. I would constantly deflect these never ending comments. But it did lead me to trying a bra and discovering that all those comments were right, that I did need or benefit from wearing a bra. But even once I realized that these comments were correct, I still felt I needed to deflect them in public and not admit to anyone that they were right.

[Brdy64]

Not exactly in the same camp as I am OK being a guy that happens to have boobs and need a bra.

Lying to ourselves doesn't have to be about gender.
It was in one of my instances, I have lied to myself on a number of topics. 
We can lie to ourselves about just about anything from reasons we don't do things, etc... 😉

[taxmapper]

For me it's not about lying to myself, as it was not knowing certain aspects about myself and deliberate misleading by others to keep me in the dark as it were. 
They may have meant well, but the damage has mounted. 
I don't see myself as female per se, but prob. more hermaphoditic. 
I seem to have traits of both sides, and the fem side is simply manifesting itself now. 


Until I assume room temperature, this is a continuous journey. 

[Brdy64]

This has been such an interesting and informative topic. 😉
💖 Thanks y'all for sharing. 💖

[Evolver]

I am also sorry that I wasn't truthful sooner with the members of this forum.

❤️Sophie❤️

No.

Once upon a time, a lovely, nurturing, beautiful lady told me to just do whatever feels comfortable.  

We cannot beat ourselves up with regrets about our timelines. I wish I discovered certain things about myself and acted on my impulses decades earlier, but it wasn't to be. I know of people now who didn't transition until they were in their 70's. Fact is, at my pace, I'll die before I really hit my straps. But, I am comfortable where I am now, even if I want (not need) more.

No regrets, Sophie. You made your announcement when you thought it was the right time to do so because you were comfortable enough at the time. As far as anyone here who witnessed it is concerned, it was the right time because you thought it was the right time. ❤️

[oldguy]

I am also sorry that I wasn't truthful sooner with the members of this forum.

❤️Sophie❤️

There is nothing to be sorry about.  Over the last 11 years, you have given me great insights on dealing with something that I have only dealt with in later life.
 
My Mother passed on my 12th birthday, with 5 younger siblings.  That was tough.  I kind of became the Mom as we fought the state to place us in foster homes.  We succeeded.  It wasn't easy.  You had a much more difficult time, as many on this forum have shared about their experiences.  What doesn't defeat you, makes you stronger.