...I will just add that reading testimonies from guys who have had similar and far worse struggles than I have gave a certain sense of relief. I've researched fetishes, paraphilias, and cross dressing over the years and none of them ever really fit. But reading the words of the struggles, deep thoughts about the behaviors and what they may mean, descriptions of behaviors and desires that fit me to a T, etc. gave me a foothold in understanding myself that I never had previously. Up until I found this group had gotten into discussions like this one, I had only ever discussed "me" with two people and neither of them had any appreciable comprehension about what I was dealing with. Most definitely not trying to put anybody in a box, just thrilled to know that there's a brotherhood out there that is willing to listen to at least some of the stuff I say.
'Nuff said.
I started this thread but took a brief sabbatical in February and so missed this exchange. I'm sorry I did Bill, simply because I relate completely to what you've shared... and experienced. I encountered the term "autogynephillia" on a trans website and it resonated with me. I've attributed what has seemed my own complex relationship to all of this as the product of sexual trauma I experienced as an infant and young boy. That included the experience of having a silk petticoat in my crib that was used ostensibly to soothe me but ended up creating a fixation that played our with crossdressing that began when I was 12. I also fell into the hands of a three generation family of pedophiles living on three sides of our family home who introduced me to their unique kind of play. I ended up with confusion both about sexual orientation and gender. Along the way I concluded I'm not homosexual, just a boy who was sexualized by other boys and men. I've been married multiple times so I've always been drawn sexually to women... but normal intimacy proved to be too much. I haven't actively crossdressed during my life, but I've always had an affection for brassieres... an affection that prepared me well for the development of breasts as I got older, as well as for conversations with men on this site who enjoy talking about brassieres. In truth, I'm rather thrilled by my breasts and love putting on a brassiere... not so much for the support so many here talk about but because it feels right to both have breasts and to wear a brassiere. There is definitely an erotic dimension to the experience, despite the fact my libido is much diminished as testosterone abandons my body and gives estrogen her way.
There is no doubt that gynecomastia is a different beast and likely most men here are not captured by the erotic dimension of this longing to be within a woman's body. I find myself torn between being a pre-op transsexual and a lesbian. That may be the best solution to my confusion about gender and sexual orientation. I can be a little of everything... except a vanilla heterosexual male.
As an aside, I intended to write today about somethings I've been reading at a site devoted to men who WANT breasts, many of whom wish to remain male. Many are using herbal supplements to achieve their goal. I realized as I read a list of recommended supplements that I'm taking FIVE of them... saw palmetto, pygeum, pumpkin seed, nettle root and reishi mushrooms. I've been taking them because they are recommended for men dealing with prostate issues. Suddenly, I wonder whether my rather voluptuous breasts may have grown because of these herbs, some of which I've taken for years. Mmmmm. I don't know if that is true but here I am filling the cups of my 42C brassiere. I'm stacked!
Thanks for your contribution Bill. We may be in the minority but as noted, this is a place where acceptance is paramount for all of us. We don't have to accept anyone else's definition of who WE are, but hopefully we'll respect others who have a different perspective of who THEY are.
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