Gynecomastia Support Forum

Gynecomastia Acceptance => Acceptance => Topic started by: tryingtoaccept on May 09, 2022, 07:50:15 PM

Title: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: tryingtoaccept on May 09, 2022, 07:50:15 PM
I have been a reader and not a poster here for a couple of months now and finally decided to make a thank you post.  I have always been very self-conscience of my moobs, I think they are realistically just an A or maybe a small B but I am not sure.  In my mind they looked huge, and I was very self-conscience and always tried to hide them.  I am not really sure if they are true gyne or not, but I think it is a combination of real and fat.

After reading a lot of posts here I am starting to see that I am imagining they are bigger than they actually appear to other people.  A couple weeks ago I had a heart-to-heart talk to my wife and she assured me she does not care if I have them or not.  She even said she didn’t care if I went shirtless all the time both inside and outside, so that greatly relieved my mind.  I thank all of you in this community for opening my eyes and starting me down the road of accepting me for who I am and how God created me.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: OnlyGodKnowsWhy on May 09, 2022, 08:09:55 PM
I'm so glad to read this, and props to you for talking with your wife about it. It is sooo true that this is how God created us. So what if we don't fit in with "today's standards". He knew what He was doing when he created me and there's not a lot I can do to change it. I'm currently a C-D cup. May permanently transition to a smaller band size and go with Ds as they do tend to fit better...
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: tryingtoaccept on May 09, 2022, 08:37:09 PM
Acceptance is not easy but I am getting better with it.  I have read a lot of your comments to other people and I thank you for being a voice of encouragement to so many of us.  I hope I can be an encouragement to you and others with my comments.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: OnlyGodKnowsWhy on May 09, 2022, 08:56:20 PM
I was  ery fortunate in that my wife was very understanding when I opened up to her. I haven't talked about my condition or the fact that I wear bras to anyone else in my life, but nobody has ever mentioned anything. I figure I'm still me anyway, so what if I wear a bra that the world sees as being for women. Bras are made to support breast tissue. I have breast tissue that needs supported. That doesn't define who I am, I define who I am
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: Johndoe1 on May 10, 2022, 06:23:01 AM
Welcome tryingtoaccept. We are always harder on ourselves than others. They too have their issues they are dealing with too and really don't have time to deal with ours as well. I am glad you are on the journey to accept what you have. And if someday you find you need support and comfort via some type of bra, that's OK too. Many men do even if they never admit it. Everyone has breasts and 50% of the world have development that require support/containment, and not all are women. Not all women have development that need to wear a bra and some men have enough development to wear a bra. Bras are just cloth and wire and nothing else.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: dunkin on May 10, 2022, 06:40:28 AM
Welcome trying to accept. I myself was a silent member for a long time. I would check in daily to read other members stories and I finally decided that I need to get a little more comfortable with this and talk with others in here. You will instantly feel very welcomed by all and also receive some great advice. It’s a hard road for a lot of us and I still struggle with it myself but I find that talking with the members here and reading what they have already faced helps me accept what is the real me. While We all chose our own way of dealing with this, bras, surgery, layering, whatever, your choice is your choice and from what I have found here, nobody will judge your choice and they will help with advice.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: Evolver on May 10, 2022, 07:39:45 AM
I have been a reader and not a poster here for a couple of months now and finally decided to make a thank you post.  I have always been very self-conscience of my moobs, I think they are realistically just an A or maybe a small B but I am not sure.  In my mind they looked huge, and I was very self-conscience and always tried to hide them.  I am not really sure if they are true gyne or not, but I think it is a combination of real and fat.
Welcome aboard. Your situation sounds exactly like mine a couple of years ago. Trust me, things will get better. You might even end up proud of your moobs!

Think of the whole 'acceptance' thing this way. If your wife accepts you just the way you are, why shouldn't you accept yourself too? I know that self-acceptance doesn't come easy, but when it does, it is quite liberating, and it sounds like you're on the right path to achieving that.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: Busted (and happy) on May 10, 2022, 08:27:01 AM
Welcome  aboard.
Getting your head round it and realising most people (especially men) will not notice is around 95% of the journey.
Having the wife onside takes care of most of the rest.
Well done - and peace to you
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: Orb on May 10, 2022, 05:02:02 PM
I to am glad your here.  Welcome.  Read, learn, Post what you've learned and encourage others is all we do. 
Glad your talking to your wife.  Getting through it together is always best. 
Be Well.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: tryingtoaccept on May 10, 2022, 07:46:40 PM
Welcome aboard. Your situation sounds exactly like mine a couple of years ago. Trust me, things will get better. You might even end up proud of your moobs!

Think of the whole 'acceptance' thing this way. If your wife accepts you just the way you are, why shouldn't you accept yourself too? I know that self-acceptance doesn't come easy, but when it does, it is quite liberating, and it sounds like you're on the right path to achieving that.
My wife assuring me she did not care that I had them and that they did not bother her really relieved a lot of pressure off my mind.  A supportive spouse really goes a long way.  Her support, and me reading all of your stories shows me it is really not as bad as I imagined it to be.  Like you said, the vast majority of people would not even give me a second thought so why should I.  I have to keep reminding myself of that when I get self-conscience.  Even though mine are an A cup or possible a very small B I can see my mind was really making it seem worse than what people are actually noticing.  I look forward to reading and responding to posts here to keep me encouraged and reminded that I am not alone.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: aboywithgirls on May 11, 2022, 06:09:39 AM
Congratulations! and welcome to the forum and the all  of the wonderful support here. There are so many wonderful people here who have come to accept their breasts as THEIR breasts. 

Most members here have come too the same conclusion as half of the world has. A bra is the easiest and best way to improve comfort, control, and in most cases, shape.

I have not left the house without a bra for well over 30 years now. I am still so grateful that I kept mine. I am a woman of transgender experience and have been living full-time as a woman for the last 2 years. 
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: tryingtoaccept on May 11, 2022, 09:30:47 AM
I have not left the house without a bra for well over 30 years now.
At this time mine are small but I doubt I could ever build up the nerve to put on a bra.  If my wife recommends it or asks me to seriously consider it then I may try.  I would feel emotionally very conscientious about it.  I guess it would be like the final step in my mind showing me this is real and they are growing.  It is all an emotional thing in my head and as time passes maybe I will embrace them and who knows maybe even love them as a lot of you have.  This has been an emotional roller coaster since they started developing in my late teens and early 20’s.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: SideSet on May 11, 2022, 12:24:14 PM
Welcome and best wishes. I feel you have taken a number of healthy and positive steps and that your wife is saying and doing the right things. I suspect unless you get bigger, she will not mention wearing a bra 
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: Evolver on May 14, 2022, 08:10:35 AM

...the vast majority of people would not even give me a second thought so why should I.  I have to keep reminding myself of that when I get self-conscience.  Even though mine are an A cup or possible a very small B I can see my mind was really making it seem worse than what people are actually noticing. 
Sometimes, self-conscience depends on the environment. About a year ago during one of my wife's and I regular stays at my daughter and granddaughters place in the 'burbs of our capital city, we went to one of those large, modern indoor swim centers in a nice part of town with muliple pools, slides, water playground etc. I was mortified. So many people there, nice people, and here am I taking off my t-shirt showing my A/B's and getting in the water of the kiddies pool with daughter and granddaughter asap, kneeling down, then later on getting out and drying off and putting t-shirt back on asap. Meanwhile all the other dads/grandpas/uncles not in the water are parading around the whole complex justifiably topless. 

Fast forward to our last summer when we went to an old, daggy outdoor pool in a far less salubrious part of the same suburb. To put it kindly it was situated in a low-rent neighborhood and this was reflected in the clientele at the pool. I felt completely at home lol! We were always safe, there was no trouble, and no-one cared, everyone just wanted to cool off. I looked slim compared to most people! I look forward to going back. 

Speaking of swimming or being apprehensive about something, you've heard the old saying, "Come on in, the water's fine!" I think most senior members of this forum would agree, if you take the plunge no matter what that is, you really will be okay. :)
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: tryingtoaccept on May 14, 2022, 09:22:49 AM
Aussie63 (https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40059) Thanks for the post.  You make a great point about it all depending on the situation you are in.  It got me thinking.  If I was in a place where everyone was fit and had a chiseled physique, I would be very self-conscience even without the boobs.  But if I was in an area like you were saying where everyone was more "hefty" :) than I would most likely not give it a second thought.  Thanks for making this post, it got me really thinking.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: 42CSurprise! on May 14, 2022, 11:11:51 AM
This is a wonderful thread to read since it encapsulates the discussion most of us have had... are continuing to have, as we find our way to self-acceptance.  We talk about our struggles, our confusion, fear, shame AND we talk about stepping beyond those things and claiming our aliveness.  I'm not about to put my breasts on display, but I certainly don't need to reject this body that has carried me through life all these years.  I too felt I never measured up.  I tried to tone my body with extreme exercise and diet.  It never worked.  I've always had a soft body with curves.  Now I'm doing my best to care for myself both physically and emotionally.  Acceptance is key.  It is comforting being with like-minded men who understand this territory from first hand experience.  Welcome tryingtoaccept.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: Evolver on May 14, 2022, 09:05:46 PM
Aussie63 (https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40059) Thanks for the post.  You make a great point about it all depending on the situation you are in.  It got me thinking.  If I was in a place where everyone was fit and had a chiseled physique, I would be very self-conscience even without the boobs.  But if I was in an area like you were saying where everyone was more "hefty" :) than I would most likely not give it a second thought.  Thanks for making this post, it got me really thinking.
You're welcome, mate.

It seems like we all do a great deal of thinking about self-acceptance, no matter how far along the path we've gone. I still do. I've come to the concusion that this 'acceptance' side of the forum has as much to do with dealing with our feelings about gynecomastia rather than the gynecomastia itself. Every now and then, light bulb moments occur after reading what others have written, and we take another step along that path. 

"Claiming our aliveness" said 42C above. Another great piece of advice.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: tryingtoaccept on May 16, 2022, 08:07:09 AM
42CSurprise, learning to accept our body and be happy is the key.  Being happy is a state of mind in the face of things we don’t like or want.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: 42CSurprise! on May 16, 2022, 09:30:58 AM
There was an article in the New York Times Magazine written by a woman who decided to have breast reduction surgery.  She tells the story seldom expressed about how unsettling it was to develop breasts and receive all kinds of attention she didn't want... attention that led her to do things she regretted.  Men here also got attention we didn't want but there was no way to translate that into anything society could celebrate.  The people ogling this women found it exciting and interpreted her breasts as meaning she wanted attention.

She is very happy with the decision to reduce the size of her breasts.  Of course, her story is not our story.  Perhaps the closest analogue would be the woman unhappy with her body because of how small her breasts are.  She would be thinking about breast augmentation, likely in the same way as men with gynecomastia would think about breast reduction.  It is all about coming to peace with the bodies we've been given but that journey isn't always easy... as men here can attest.

Here's a link to that article...
The Feminist Case For Breast Reduction (https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/10/magazine/breast-reduction-feminism.html)
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: Orb on May 16, 2022, 12:17:07 PM
Thanks for sharing 42C surprise. 

I have tried to share that message often. Accept yourself then others will follow.  Doesn't make it easy. 
I know several woman who have surgery to reduce their breast size.  Each told a story much the same.  Unwanted attention for the wrong reason.  Didn't see them for the individual they really were.  I feel the same can be said of us. 

  I don't know how to change society but will keep trying as I know best and can.

Be well friends.  Keep strong no matter what comes your way.  We are all amazing individuals in our own way.  Continue that way.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: tryingtoaccept on May 16, 2022, 01:02:36 PM
Hopefully society will start adjusting and become more accepting of gynecomastia.  That would really take away the vast majority of mens anxiety.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: gotgyne on May 17, 2022, 03:09:30 AM
There was an article in the New York Times Magazine written by a woman who decided to have breast reduction surgery.  She tells the story seldom expressed about how unsettling it was to develop breasts and receive all kinds of attention she didn't want... attention that led her to do things she regretted.  Men here also got attention we didn't want but there was no way to translate that into anything society could celebrate.  The people ogling this women found it exciting and interpreted her breasts as meaning she wanted attention.

She is very happy with the decision to reduce the size of her breasts.  Of course, her story is not our story.  Perhaps the closest analogue would be the woman unhappy with her body because of how small her breasts are.  She would be thinking about breast augmentation, likely in the same way as men with gynecomastia would think about breast reduction.  It is all about coming to peace with the bodies we've been given but that journey isn't always easy... as men here can attest.

Here's a link to that article... The Feminist Case For Breast Reduction (https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/10/magazine/breast-reduction-feminism.html)

The problem is that female breasts are sexualized by society. This is so strange in some cases that even women after a bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction ("going flat") are prohibited to visit a public pool without a bikini or bathing suit. If society would look upon female breasts only for breastfeeding, many women could breastfeed their baby in public without any silly laws prohibiting it. I do understand clearly why many feminists don't like that their breasts are sexualized.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: 42CSurprise! on May 17, 2022, 12:27:00 PM
I remember visiting a good friend, decades ago, the mother of my god-daughter who was she about two years old at the time.  As we sat chatting, this little girl unbuttoned the single button holding her mother's blouse closed, pulled the two panels apart to expose bare breasts.  She didn't lean forward to nurse, but instead gazed from one breast to the other... back and forth.  To an infant, a mother's breasts are the most precious thing in the world.  Somehow that fixation translates into something sexual when we get older.  Unfortunately, in this culture puritanical values that go back centuries add to the intrigue and arousal.  In cultures where women's breasts are not always covered, I doubt this fixation exists.  They're only breasts after all.

It actually helps me to remember when I'm inclined to objectify a woman's body to remember HER priority is to carry a child and offer those breasts to feed that infant.  That is much more important than feeding MY arousal.  I expect men who have children understand that better than those of us who don't.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: Johndoe1 on May 17, 2022, 06:35:22 PM
For me, after I accepted my breasts, I didn't look at women's breasts the same way I had before. I don't see them as sexual objects but like an arm or a leg. I don't stare. I most of the time hardly pay any attention. A woman would have to be putting her chest on display, and some do, before I would give her chest a second glance. Usually if I do notice I am checking out do my breasts add up to hers. I wonder what bra she is wearing? Wonder where she got that top? How can I get mine to look that good? Certainly not the usual male thoughts when looking a woman's chest. But if I don't want my chest to be ogled at, then I shouldn't do that to others. If I want the same respect, I have to show the same respect I myself want. Breasts are no longer just a sexual object. They are flesh and blood and can hurt and be sensitive as any other body part.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: tryingtoaccept on May 18, 2022, 10:16:52 AM
Same here! Once my wife and her sister were walking through the mall, I was waiting for them in a seati g area by the stairs.. I was watching a couple of young ladies go up the stairs when my sister-in-law saw me looking. She pointed out to my wife and said "look at him checking them out", without even thinking my wife told her " it's not what you think, he is criticising how they are dressed ". I was and when my wife asked what I was doing I said " it's sad that those ladies think they can pull it off wearing those clothes.

My wife knows me well enough that she knew what I was doing and she knows I could pick out clothes that those girls would have look great in!
Funny story, my wife and I have been married 8 years now.  In that short time she is understanding me more and more but in this situation she would laugh and say I was “checking them out”.  She knows I would never cheat on her so she would laugh about it.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: Dudewithboobs on May 18, 2022, 12:42:52 PM
It is funny that since developing breasts I have gone from insecurity to curiosity when seeing women with smaller to mild breasts. Essentially equal as such to mine. And going from omg am I gonna look like that to I wonder how they get their clothes to look like that. I can’t imagine ever wearing a woman’s top given my chest size but understand why others would. 
I find myself now days just looking at a woman’s bust like others do here and admiring the fit and shape in a observing manner never in sexual. Can’t even remember last time my brain went to dang look at her now days it’s more so wish I could wear a bra like that 
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: blad on May 18, 2022, 04:22:58 PM
Since I began to wear bras many years ago, I have continually observed the bra outlines on women to study the style and fit of their bras.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: taxmapper on May 18, 2022, 11:23:56 PM
A bit of anecdotal statement here. 

So when this started for me I instantly accepted it and enjoyed it. I knew exactly what was happening, but had no idea as to what I was in for. 

Today (5-18 ) I was feeling a great deal of discomfort from the growth. Yes annoying, but I am willing to live through it. 

My bust line is now hitting 50 inches and the sensation of the growth is continuing on telling me that mine are about to grow even more. 

Perhaps it's my wiring, but I feel like its completely natural and look forward to where its going.  I love them, and the sensations are changing even more.   

To some it sucks and violates the guy code.   But for me its almost as though it's about time. 
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: tryingtoaccept on May 19, 2022, 11:31:51 AM
Taxmappet, it is great that you have so whole heartedly excepted them.  I doubt I will ever get to your level of acceptance but it is great that you have.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: Busted (and happy) on May 19, 2022, 11:33:17 AM
 Taxmapper. 
A very sensible and forward looking attitude which will not screw one's metal health
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: 42CSurprise! on May 19, 2022, 01:02:20 PM
As comments here make clear, acceptance is not a one size fits all thing.  We know that resisting reality creates all sorts of problems and all sorts of attempts at solving them.  That is where surgery comes in, or compression vests or the myriad ways we try to hide "our condition."  At the same time, acceptance likely ranges from tolerance to celebration.  What I appreciate about this side of this website, is the willingness of most men here to respect the choices others are making as they explore what acceptance looks like in their lives.  No doubt we each go through a very personal process and will come to very personal responses that likely evolve over time.  I spend much more time wearing a brassiere today than I did when I first arrived at this site.  I also spend more time wearing a brassiere when I'm away from home, though that is definitely experimental.  When wearing a brassiere I never become unaware that my breasts are held in silky unlined cups.  The only time I'm unaware of my breasts is when I'm NOT wearing a brassiere.  I know that is contrary to what men here often say, but as I'm mentioned before, my relationship to breasts and lingerie is complicated by early sexual abuse.  THIS is my journey of finding acceptance.  One size does not fit all... (https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/72x72/1f631.png)
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: aboywithgirls on May 19, 2022, 03:07:47 PM
A bra can be worn  for either function or fashion. I wear  one for both. The comfort and support are on the  function side while shape and the athsetic.

I can understand the "guy code" thing but I also think that it's overrated. It was way too much work for me. I think  that  it really comes down to what ever works for the individual. I know what works for me and most others here probably have no desire to follow my path. I am very grateful for all of the ideas that are represented here and having the opportunity to share my own.

❤️Sophie 

Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: tryingtoaccept on May 19, 2022, 10:40:32 PM
Aboywithgirls, I agree with you and all the others who have expressed the same idea.  This is a personal journey for each of us and we all choose a slightly different path but in the end that path should lead to personal happiness.
Title: Re: Thank you for helping me to start accepting
Post by: gotgyne on May 20, 2022, 01:01:15 PM
I think the "guy code" is one of the worse things that me face as it makes us worry about things that don't matter.
The "guy code" can even be harmful in some cases. I knew a man who developed pancreatic cancer some decades ago. At that time he was offered an experimental hormone therapy with a synthetic estrogen. We all know that this cancer is uncurable in nearly all cases, even today. But the therapy could prolong the life span nevertheless. (Androgen blockers which are now used not for pancreatic cancer but prostate cancer in late stages, often with metastases, did not exist at that time.) This man refused only for the reason that a well known side-effect was a pronounced gynecomastia. He was quite a normal man, not a macho or redneck (what in Germany would be named a "Hinterwäldler" - i.e. backwoodsman). But he refused.
I am on the other side of the spectrum. I welcome my gynecomastia.
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