How I came into this world as Charli

[Charli]

Sorry about the long post, but you know how I am once I open up I just can't shut up.

My mother dressed me in girls clothes until I was 3 and then took them all away. Ofcouse I don't remember it, but I was always wanting to try on my mother's clothes. I was about 8 when I overheard my mother and grandmother talking in the kitchen (I never played outside with the boys, just hung around the kitchen when visiting grandma's house) my mother told grandma that she was having a hard time keeping me in boy clothes.  She said every time we go shopping all he wants to look at is girl's dresses and blouses.  Grandma said she was not surprised and that maybe the doctor was right and you should have let them fix the "problem".

The problem was I was born with a micro-penis and the doctors wanted to make me a girl because at the time they did that in cases as bad as mine. Remember this was back in 1955 and they felt that I would not be able to live a normal life as a male, whatever that is. My mother thought me being born this way was God's will so they told the doctors no leave him as God gave him to us.

I have alway felt female in most of my thinking, I think? Because all I have ever known is my own thoughts. I learned early how to act like a man, long before most boys my age did. My parents told me everyday not to sit like that, everything I did was wrong to them. I learned how to act the part of being male, but it is just an act. I have always felt like a fraud and worried that one day everyone would learn the truth and then I won't be left alone. It is no fun to always have to weigh what to say and how to say it so you can sound like a man. I couldn't show too much compassion for fear if being called a freak so I had to take a strong male attitude to keep who I was hidden. No one really knows what is going on in someone else's mind.

So my gynocomasta came to be a blessing because it was an outward appearance of how I have always felt on the inside.  I know my brain is something different from my body, pink as can be.  I asked my lifetime doctor many years ago and he did confirm that they wanted to make me a girl. He had always known how I felt and was glad I trusted him enough to ask about why I am so different than most other men.  He asked me if I wanted to transition to  female.  I said no I don't feel it would be the right thing to do because I have children to carre for. I am too far into this journey of life to change now. He smiled and said he understood.  But he added that this world has many people in it of all different kinds of men of women. He also told me that it is ok to be the kind of man I am. He said you first thought when asked about becoming a woman was no I have children to care for and for a parent to put aside their needs for their children was showing just how much of a mom I was to them.

I will never fully transition at this point.  My wife has said so long as i keep my penis she is ok with all the rest. She also said she has known almost from day one that I had a combined gender. She loved that we can talk for hours about our feelings.  I do have to be careful about how much I share with her.

Ok, now you all know what I have been keeping a secret for my whole life. I feel very comfortable with this group that I wanted to share with you the real me.

With much affection 
Charli

[SideSet]

Thank you for sharing. That took courage. I feel all of us can relate to some degree to what you shared, some more than others.  I find some sharing to be cathartic. I trust all here will be supportive. 

[Evolver]

Well done, Charli.

One thing I have learnt from my time on this forum, particularly over in the Acceptance section, is that it is not just acceptance of gynecomastia and how to manage it that sets us free, but acceptance of ourselves period. I have found much comfort this year from finally accepting my own peculiarities, after always having them, but not realizing that they were obvious. You are now also finding more comfort than you probably thought possible.

Gotta say, your wife sounds amazingly supportive. The fact that she accepted your different attributes from day one says it all. I'm happy for you!

[SideSet]

I agree about your wife being exceptional. Wonderful you were able to have children 

[Orb]

My Twins, Charlie, I applaud you for sharing your story and feelings.  It does take courage to say what you did. 
Yours isn't the only chase like this.  I have read of doctors having to have made that decision many times.  I hope this now brings an added level of acceptance for you.  I find you to be an amazing individual to be who you are, sharing with you wife sounds like will only make things better. 

  I wish you the best.  For me, I have a greater appreciation for you.

cheers brother,

Orb

[Charli]

Thank you all for the positive comments. I do trust you folks and just wanted to be honest about who I am. I hate the feeling of being a fraud. I know this might be a bit much for some folks and I understand that, but I just want to be who I am with those that I call my friends.

Charli

[SideSet]

I completely accept you. Who are we to be judgemental and close minded?

[Confused old man]

It’s amazing how many can be closed minded. We know a couple that are nudists or naturists some like to be called. They just can’t understand why the most natural thing in the world is frowned upon by so many. They say we are born nude. They thing they should be able to go nude wherever they like because it’s so natural....I kinda agree...but that same couple has a problem with same sex couples. So I asked them how do you expect everyone to accept public nudity but you don’t accept others in what they want to do....some just don’t get it!...so yes there are a lot of closed minded people. Sometimes ya just have to deal with it....🤪

[42CSuprise!]

I've spent most of my time on the Acceptance side of this website and so missed this heartfelt conversation about differences.  A spiritual teacher I've been spending a bit of time with used a phrase this week that I'm embracing.  He spoke about "the sacred mess of humanity."  We have been given all sorts of ideas of what it means to be a man or a woman that we then use to beat ourselves up simply because we don't measure up to the ideas we carry.  In reality, we are each unique expressions of life with genetic and cultural factors that ultimately define who we are.  The challenge which you've met quite beautifully Charli is to fully live who we are.  Many of us have contended with soft bodies our whole lives.  It was only later that we began to learn about how the particular hormone stew we carried made us different.  As you state, the difference is not simply in how our bodies develop but how our minds work.  I too have felt more comfortable with women my entire life.  As my breasts continue to grow and my body takes on a more feminine shape, it all makes sense... even if it feels uncomfortable to accept.  But that is why many of us spend time on this website... to accept, even celebrate our uniqueness.  If that includes more feminine bodies and minds as well as voluptuous breasts... so be it.  Thanks for sharing so honestly with us.

[Orb]

I've spent most of my time on the Acceptance side of this website and so missed this heartfelt conversation about differences.  A spiritual teacher I've been spending a bit of time with used a phrase this week that I'm embracing.  He spoke about "the sacred mess of humanity."  We have been given all sorts of ideas of what it means to be a man or a woman that we then use to beat ourselves up simply because we don't measure up to the ideas we carry.  In reality, we are each unique expressions of life with genetic and cultural factors that ultimately define who we are.  The challenge which you've met quite beautifully Charli is to fully live who we are.  Many of us have contended with soft bodies our whole lives.  It was only later that we began to learn about how the particular hormone stew we carried made us different.  As you state, the difference is not simply in how our bodies develop but how our minds work.  I too have felt more comfortable with women my entire life.  As my breasts continue to grow and my body takes on a more feminine shape, it all makes sense... even if it feels uncomfortable to accept.  But that is why many of us spend time on this website... to accept, even celebrate our uniqueness.  If that includes more feminine bodies and minds as well as voluptuous breasts... so be it.  Thanks for sharing so honestly with us.

I think you said it quite beautifully.  The outward changes, visible, and emotional or mental aspect, are altered also.  

  "We have been given all sorts of ideas of what it means to be a man or a woman that we then use to beat ourselves up simply because we don't measure up to the ideas we carry.  In reality, we are each unique expressions of life with genetic and cultural factors that ultimately define who we are."  

Exactly!!!
Thank you.

[taxmapper]

kudos Charli. 


Maybe Ill post my version sometime.      I already stated there may be some amount of "hermaphoditism" going on with me, and the girls are doing a hostile takeover of the body. 

Were now at a stage in society where these things are slowly being accepted and the old 'traditions" (to whit I still believe was a post WWII construct) that it may not matter any longer.