Oh geeze. I considered posting this under another name, because there are a few people who know who I am that visit this site frequently, but who cares, I am writing this to help other people!
Please forgive all typos, and this gets better as it goes on, so keep on readin'! I wrote it for YOU guys!
To be frank, I lost a lot of opportunities because of gyno... And you know it's not even really gyno, I mean it is, but it does something to you, it honestly does de-masculate you. I've been blessed in many ways despite a very trying childhood, and I am glad my family and myself have overcome the trials we have gone though. However this gynecomastia issue has always lingered on. I always thought that you could work through your problems, be introspective, communicate, grow, and learn from trials, which is something I do in my life. And I tried for years to apply this same concept to "gynecomastia", however it just is not the same. It truly is a humiliating experience that I cannot put into words. It's not something that can be "easily overlooked" or "worked through", in the same way one can work through a break up over time, or emotional pain over time, it truly is a physical
and emotional hindrance.
It has hindered me from so many things.
A few months ago, while in Los Angeles, I was approached by a "scout" who claimed he was from Ralph Lauren and said he was interested myself modeling for the L.A Models (which didn't make sense to me because he said he was from Ralph Lauren)... A little bit of background, my father was 1/2 Black and 1/2 Native American, a very exotic looking guy, and my mother is Spanish and German. I in turn received a large mix of genes and I'm not going to sit here and say I am an attractive person, but I do look "different", which is why I think I was approached by the guy. Anyways, my immediate first thought was "YES! I can take a break from school and possibly travel the world being a model, as gay as that sounds, why not?" I figured I'd be making bank, or at least enough to enjoy my youth. I talked to the guy, he gave me his card, said I would need to drop a few lbs if I was serious, and that was that. Went home and checked it out online and turns out he was legit. After that I think my ego went through the roof, and I have been playing up on it for the last few months, I am probably overcompensating for being so annoyed with my gyno! It's also my sense of humor. (Which my gyno is now gone, btw, I will make a separate thread for that)
That night looking in the mirror, I was (as usual) looking at myself thinking about how annoying my gyno is, and I knew for a fact there was no way in heck I could be a model (I don't think i really would have gone through with it - too stupid) with this crap. I didn't bother to pursue contacting the guy because I knew what would happen the second I took my shirt off.
And this is my point. I have been blessed in many ways in life, but I couldn't fully enjoy anything I set my hand to due to this horrible feeling of having man boobs, whether it be when running in P.E class in high school, playing guitar at a pub and not being able to focus fully on performing due to thinking that people are staring at my chest, etc. I'm not rich, but I have been blessed physically, I have a really, really athletic build and body. I excelled in football, but never tried as hard as I could, due to gyno, and just quit the team my SENIOR year, this also of course was due to the fact that my father had passed away, and we didn't have the greatest relationship...
I have always felt like someone has given me the keys to a really nice car, but then tell me the engine is missing, and all I would have to do is drop a crate motor in there, and I'd be set, but I can't afford it. A truly horrible feeling. I remember sobbing in my bed at night in grade school, due to being made fun of for something I couldn't help.
Been blessed in a lot of ways but never, ever able to fully express myself, love others selflessly and wholly, or fully embrace my friends. I became slightly anti-social, which KILLS me because that is not my natural personality at ALL, I am very outgoing, and etc, so I would send mixed signals in conversation, one moment being outgoing when I am not aware of my chest, and then retreat into a mental hole when the thought of my gyno sparked back into my mind.
I wouldn't dance, you cannot understand how much THAT killed me. I *feel* music when I hear it, I don't know how to explain it other than I think Michael Jackson would know exactly what I am talking about. I feel blessed to in some way share my energy, and passion about life, God, and the human experience with others that are in the dumps (because I've been there, even though I am only 22, trust me, I've been there). However I also feel that for 12 of those 22 years, two small pieces of glandular tissue behind my areola have hindered me, like little pests, hindering me from sharing genuine love with anyone and everyone I run into. (I am really passionate, sorry, I am writing in depth hoping that you guys can identify, because I am not afraid to be open about this, and I know it will help other people that read it.)
However on the bright side, I can not say what I would have what I have, or be who I am today if I didn't have that hindrance, at least during my teenage years. Who knows if I would have become just another bro guy out sleeping around, not helping anyone in the world and only thinking about himself. I can truly say that it in some ways forced me to become introspective and focus on genuine character building. However it still needed to go eventually!
Let's see how else has this hindered me? I'l make a small list here.
8th grade, I didn't go to the end of the year swim party, due to going through my ugly duckling phase on top of being overweight and having gynecomastia.
I would purposely skip school on days my mom would work so I didn't have to face the humiliation for that day. I also got made fun of a lot for various other reasons.
The humiliation of not being able to buy clothes. My mother telling me I looked fine, but wanting to scream in frustration at cry at the same time due to looking in the mirrior and feeling utter disgust. (Shopping was like this from ages 10-21)
Finding myself in the same situation years later, shopping with my girlfriend, wanting to just leave due to hating that fact that I can't just throw on a shirt, say I like it, and buy it. I would ask her to not buy me clothes, because I only picked out certain shirts that fit me in a way that hid my gyno.
Walking down the mall hearing, "Holy crap that guy was cute! But he had HUUUGE nipples, Hahahahah!" <--- That hurt BAD.
Sitting by myself at lunch teaching myself guitar. This however turned ot to be a good thing, it brought me closer to God and was a great escape for me. I am so happy to be so passionately gifted in the area of music and artistic ability.
Being told at the gym that "I am getting saggy", when in fact it's just gyno, and it;s too embarrassing to tell "the guys" (hate that term, it sounds too macho) what is really going on.
Having girls approach me, and having to turn them down knowing that even though they might not think it's a big deal, I do, and I know I can't handle it... To elaborate on that, this woman I've known since I was a kid approached me, whom I also see eyeing me at the gym every time I go in.. And I completely went speechless. I wouldn't date her at all, but it's just annoying that I can't even talk to people.
1. I had looked up to her since I was a kid. (She's just a human but it was just weird.)
2. Frustrated, knowing that she was straight up putting herself out on a limb to try and just be friendly to me. however I came across like an arrogant jerk and just did small talk, she put her head down, genuinely depressed, and walked away. I felt terrible. TERRIBLE. And I felt like I lost a huuuge chance to just be nice to someone.
3. Now she will think I am super arrogant and etc, which I am not at all, it's all because of this FREAKING GYNO.
4. This was when I made my decision to finally get it taken care of.
I missed out on so many opportunities, I missed out on possibly becoming a male model for quick $, I missed out on developing good friends, saying things that are just plain ridiculous in social situations to try and keep the attention off my gyno. Working out to try and make it look better (I knew I couldn't make it go away without surgery), only to make it more visible.
It made me really apathetic towards doing anything. AS I sit here I have my highscholl yearbook open and from a friend it says from one of my girl friends (friend that is a girl, not literal girlfriend) "You are so talented, but you are such a punk! Do something with yourself!". She was being lighthearted and fun, but she threw some truth in there. And the reason I genuinely think I come across as a "punk" isn;t because I even act like one, i truly feel its because (some) people see that I have a lot to offer, even in just casual friendship, but I don't express it. So they take it as rejection, but i wouldn't EVER want to make someone feel that way.
So as dumb as this sounds, yes, I did do it for myself, but I am also doing ot to bless others. People that are focused on themselves (even when they dont want to be or cant help it) literally suck the life out of every situation. They dont add to the creatve energy in conversation, they take away from it. I don;t want to be that guy anymore. And most of the time I wasn't, due to the fact that I have such high energy levels and charisma, most of the time I "defeated" the gyno. It was a mental game, but a mental game I don't want to play anymore.
I now want to help other people that have gyno, I am starting a fund to raise money to help people (especially teenagers) get some type of help for gyno. it's not the same as other things, it is literally having a womans bodypart on a male body.
Think about that. That is something believe every parent whose son suffers from gynecomastia needs to hear.
It is having a woman's body part, breasts, on the body of a male, during puberty, or in your 20's, when you are supposed to be discovering yourself, not trying to hide who you are due to embarrassment.It is truly, TRULY a horrible thing. if a woman started growing a penis, or like some testosterone prone women, have an abnormally large clitoris, wouldn't that be humiliating? or if the started growing facial hair... Even if it's a "mild" case of growing facial hair, it STILL is going to take away from their womanhood, no mater how mentally strong they are. It's the same thing for a young man with a "mild" for of gynecomastia. Your teens are when you are supposed to be finding yourself out, exploring your manhood, being validated (not by sex and being obnoxious), but by just living life and going through the daily grind. You can;t do that when you have literal breasts.
I even remember going to a general M.D at 16, and just flat out saying, "I have gynecomastia", he looked at me in the most condescending way and told me "No you don't, you look fine", his mannerism and the way he came across made me want to scream in frustration and humiliation. Here I was, 16, sweating bullets because I told the nurses I just had some ankle pain so hey wouldn't know. I see the doctor, I literally have gyno, there's no question about that, and he blows me off. I took the time to take my shirt of, be open about it for the first time, and he slammed the door in my face. It was very, very painful. If I can remember that guy's name, I am going to file a complaint, (6 years later, hah!)
Anyways, I wanted to go a litter deeper and a lot more personal into the issue of gynecomasta, people truly don't understand how de-mascualting it is, to have women, fellow men, and even a medical professional for me, blow me off like I am a loser due to having gyno. Literal female organs growing on a male, think about that. Dont try to tell me it won;t affect your psyche in some way.
I have had a lot of heartache from gyno. Wishing people would look at my heart, instead of condition I have no control over. But more than that, I wanted to do it for myself. In summary I just want a normal and flat chest, to feel better about myself, I don't really care about what others have to say, I want to feel good myself you know?
SO
I did get the surgery done, it has been AWESOME so far. I chose
Dr. Joseph T Cruise, located in
Newport Beach, CA. I will be writing a full and complete log of how it went (it has gone AMAZING, so far) I look and feel great, and I am convinced he does the best job. Intellectually he's insanely smart, presents himself well, truly cares, knows his stuff when it comes to Gynecomastia, and has an amazing staff. I am a very inquisitive person and trust me when I say I KNOW what gynecomastia is, almost down to the molecular makeup of mammary tissue. And I also checked every, single, surgeon, to see who to choose and I couldn't have been anyone else. So far things look GREAT and I have another post op meeting in a few days. I will be writing another thread on my whole experience with
Dr. Cruise within a few days, but I want it to be legitimate and thorough, as most people just say "I got it done I am so happy, peace out I am never coming on these forums again." I plan on helping as many people as I can with this, whether it be through personal training clients or raising funds to help young men out.
Thanks guys and I'll be on here as often as I can be!
Topic: *Sticky* Detailed Gynecomastia Story (Read 4947 times)
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