Find gf + explaining

[Krumpir]

I am sorry if I missed the subforum, but this seemed like the right one.

So... To some initiative, or more say suggestions I've got, I should try to build my social and love life (I'd say re-  but it never actually existed).
 But there are two major MAJOR problems I come to whenever I think about it. 
1) How am I supposed to explain my HUGE scars to future gf or whatever the label for a girl that would sleep with me/see me naked would be?
They are white, but they are each around 10-15 cm long and around nipple too, but she will see them eventualy and ask about it. No one from outside the family knows about it. 

2) since I can't just not give a darn about other peoples opinions, what would be the best way to actually make a friends that one day I could open up to them about my lifetime problem - like real friends? I have heavily isolated myself from publicity for the last 3 years
- I live in a small rural area, and it makes it even harder for me to make friends- but I don't want to be friends with people I know from my younger ages... (I'd actully like to kill most of them, so better for them to not hang around me, just in case I crack)  

PS. -About the girl - please don't tell me how she would be shallow to not like me just because of that. I would complitely understand her if she would leave me because of it. (I am talking about possible new future gf, I never actually had one, but if you read my story, you knew that.)

[Krumpir]

Nobody?  

[chestyoldman]

Krumpir
I have found that getting involved in a church is one of the best ways to find people who are willing to get to know you on the level you are desiring. It isn't easy to find the right one, and often it takes quite a while. It's sort of like that old saying, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs to finally find a prince/princess." Although I completely disagree with their theology, I found that Unitarians seem to be very willing to accept people. I just wouldn't recommend them for the ultimate destiny of your soul.

[Krumpir]

I'm sorry, but that will not work for me. I stopped believing in God and his fairytale long time ago.  I'll just have to find some other way. Thank you for giving a suggestion.

[chestyoldman]

I'm sorry to hear that. Whatever your issues with God are, please don't close your mind to allowing Him to make His presence and love known to you.

[hammer]

Young man, I'm sorry but you have far to many issues than any of us here are able to help you with!  You are in need of some very experienced expert help that non of us are qualified to give you! I wish you the best and hope that you find what you are looking for! Even if you don't want to believe in him I pray that Gof blesses you each and every day.

Pastor Bob AKA hammer

[Krumpir]

You think I am in that bad condition?  Too bad those experts are expensive. 
Thank you for your wishes.
You can pray if you want, I don't mind. My mother is a believer too. 
I can't believe in him because I can't understand why would he pick me or anyone else for such a terrible path. That's the only reason.

[hammer]

You think I am in that bad condition? Too bad those experts are expensive.
Thank you for your wishes.
You can pray if you want, I don't mind. My mother is a believer too.
I can't believe in him because I can't understand why would he pick me or anyone else for such a terrible path. That's the only reason.

How old were you when you lost your testicles?  You read my story you'll find out how old I was!

You need to read other stories before you start feeling sorry for yourself!  I for one have been through more then many here on the forum could even imagine going through from losing  my number two son at the age of 6 to now looking at possibly having my 4th back surgury (I'll find out in a couple weeks after some more test) that will make a total of 9 surgeries including 2 total knee replacement's. I use a wheelchair to get around for any difference more then 100 feet, I had to go on disability at the age of 40, now 59 I have breast the size of 46H, but I still love life, family and my 5 grandkids!

When I'm feeling down I think about how great life is! I have a great love of family, I love to fish and I still hunt and I'm thankful that God still provides all that I do have AND I look at those poor kids at places like ST. JUDES and the stuff they are going through!  No children should ever suffer!

I'll be more the happy to take on anything instead of my kids or grandkids having to take it on, give it to me instead!

Try to look at that glass as being half full instead of half empty,  then maybe your days will be a little bit more brighter!

If you want you can read my story in stories (my story after all these years)

[Alchemist]

I am sorry if I missed the subforum, but this seemed like the right one.

So... To some initiative, or more say suggestions I've got, I should try to build my social and love life (I'd say re-  but it never actually existed).
 But there are two major MAJOR problems I come to whenever I think about it.
1) How am I supposed to explain my HUGE scars to future gf or whatever the label for a girl that would sleep with me/see me naked would be?
They are white, but they are each around 10-15 cm long and around nipple too, but she will see them eventualy and ask about it. No one from outside the family knows about it.

2) since I can't just not give a darn about other peoples opinions, what would be the best way to actually make a friends that one day I could open up to them about my lifetime problem - like real friends? I have heavily isolated myself from publicity for the last 3 years
- I live in a small rural area, and it makes it even harder for me to make friends- but I don't want to be friends with people I know from my younger ages... (I'd actully like to kill most of them, so better for them to not hang around me, just in case I crack)  

PS. -About the girl - please don't tell me how she would be shallow to not like me just because of that. I would complitely understand her if she would leave me because of it. (I am talking about possible new future gf, I never actually had one, but if you read my story, you knew that.)

Krumpir,

The truth works best.  So the surgery was a waste of money?  If you have the same fears about the scars as about breasts then the surgery wasn't the solution.  You know, it is much easier than you think.  Go to a nudist club or resort.  Learn to accept your body the way it is.  Nobody will bother you about your scars. 

You know, I met a man with a bunch of scars and a parts of him shot off in the war.  He was put together again without his naval.  That part looks like a cone-head.  And you see lots of women with scars instead of breasts or with reconstructed breasts.  Going to a nudist club is a good dose of reality.  You see people with all sorts of scars and missing pieces.  It's no big deal.  You can change your mind about things.  I believe it will be far less expensive and a lot more fun than psychotherapy.  Good luck

[Krumpir]

@Alchemist

That there! That's what I was trying to say. Girls like scars. Yes. But your guy can say: "Hey, I have been on the battlefield, in war and I have manly scars." While I can only say: "Hey girl, I probably had bigger boobs than you.", which is not very manly. 


Your idea about nudist beach might work, I would just have to go a fair distamce away from my country, just in case.


Thank you! :]

[Krumpir]

Go to a nudist club or resort.  Learn to accept your body the way it is.  Nobody will bother you about your scars.  

I did what you suggested. Buuuuuuut......
People still stared at me.
I am just lucky nobody who I know saw me... Or at least I haven't saw them. In which case if they were there, might lead to something bad...

Anyway, I'll stay away from a beach for a while (about a century). I know you had nothing bad in mind, but nothing good happened.

[Alchemist]

Go to a nudist club or resort.  Learn to accept your body the way it is.  Nobody will bother you about your scars.  

I did what you suggested. Buuuuuuut......
People still stared at me.
I am just lucky nobody who I know saw me... Or at least I haven't saw them. In which case if they were there, might lead to something bad...

Anyway, I'll stay away from a beach for a while (about a century). I know you had nothing bad in mind, but nothing good happened.

"Go to a nudist club or resort." - 

It's all in the details.  A BEACH is open to all sorts of people including bullies.  At a private club/resort those people are removed.  At private clubs and resorts I am familiar with, people are polite. Again, it takes only a suitable complaint and the person is GONE and perhaps even blacklisted.

I'm sorry your experience didn't work out.  Also, I'm in the USA and this is the culture I know.  I apologize for not pointing that out.

[Krumpir]

I'm sorry your experience didn't work out.  Also, I'm in the USA and this is the culture I know.  I apologize for not pointing that out.

It's okay. Don't worry.

But I have accomplished something. I've met a girl on 9gag (don't judge pls) and we kinda kicked of with a friendship and stuff. 

I told her about my "thing", explained situation and life story - and she was like;
"I bet they were sexy". Which confused me as heck since she is straight.

But then she proceeded with her explanation how she understands and that I had nothing to be ashamed of. That it is just scars and they are proof of my life struggle and battle. 

I also got a smile from a girl in a park. Might have misunderstood that, but heck - I'll take it as "you are not that terribly looking".

Soooo... self confidence boost?  YAY! 
I might start looking for real life friends and girlfriend now.

By the way,  alcohol does help. Just keep in mind it is slippery slope. 

[Alchemist]

I'm sorry your experience didn't work out.  Also, I'm in the USA and this is the culture I know.  I apologize for not pointing that out.

It's okay. Don't worry.

But I have accomplished something. I've met a girl on 9gag (don't judge pls) and we kinda kicked of with a friendship and stuff.

I told her about my "thing", explained situation and life story - and she was like;
"I bet they were sexy". Which confused me as heck since she is straight.

But then she proceeded with her explanation how she understands and that I had nothing to be ashamed of. That it is just scars and they are proof of my life struggle and battle.

I also got a smile from a girl in a park. Might have misunderstood that, but heck - I'll take it as "you are not that terribly looking".

Soooo... self confidence boost?  YAY!
I might start looking for real life friends and girlfriend now.

By the way,  alcohol does help. Just keep in mind it is slippery slope.

Krumpir,

I have my share of scars.  I had my gallbladder out.  I have a scar 4 inches along where it used to be.  My navel is offset an inch because of one incision they made and then didn't sew up straight.  There is a crater under the gallbladder incision, the muscle split and I have a large hernia from sternum to navel almost, all from one lousy operation.  

I found plenty of girls who were interested in seeing my breasts and said  "you can feel mine if I can feel yours".   They were curious about how similar or different they were.  It was never a problem with girls or women.  They are used to the idea of breasts.

Don't get alcohol tied into this, it won't help.  Instead change your mind about your fears and concerns instead of making  this an exception.   You have the right to understand things differently due to experiences.  It happens all the time.  Let go of the fears.  Be confident.  Nobody will care about the scars unless you are wearing a "kick me" sign.

[Krumpir]

Krumpir,

I have my share of scars.  I had my gallbladder out.  I have a scar 4 inches along where it used to be.  My navel is offset an inch because of one incision they made and then didn't sew up straight.  There is a crater under the gallbladder incision, the muscle split and I have a large hernia from sternum to navel almost, all from one lousy operation.  

I wish I could tell you something about that, but I have no idea what are half of those things even in my language...

I found plenty of girls who were interested in seeing my breasts and said  "you can feel mine if I can feel yours".   They were curious about how similar or different they were.  It was never a problem with girls or women.  They are used to the idea of breasts.

I've read that thing already few times on this forum. What's up with that? They can't be THAT curious!

Don't get alcohol tied into this, it won't help.  Instead change your mind about your fears and concerns instead of making  this an exception.   You have the right to understand things differently due to experiences.  It happens all the time.  Let go of the fears.  Be confident.  Nobody will care about the scars unless you are wearing a "kick me" sign.

It's already tied and it helps. Don't worry, I'll be careful.