Son with gynecomastia

[Gynomom]

I have a 12-year-old son who has significant gynecomastia.  He is a bit chubby, but his breasts go beyond Pseudogynecomastia.

Our family doctor says there is glandular tissue behind his nipples, which are puffy and larger and feminine in appearance.  His breasts also have a female shape, and I would estimate them at a small B cup size. 

The doctor says his breasts will most likely go away over time, but I notice them continuing to develop. 

My son seemed not to notice until fairly recently, but then became self conscious about his growing breasts. Since the doctors visit, he has been quite open with me about them, including telling me they always jiggle, and when he does activities, they bounce, and that he gets sore breast tissue.  He also said his nipples chafe. 

I want to be helpful and supportive, but the doctor says we should just wait and see. 

I am a single mom and would welcome any advice from those who have experience.  My only experience is when my breasts developed.

Thanks, Angela

[Busty]

Angela, I see this is your first post here, so I will just come out and say it:

Your son could benefit from wearing a bra.

Have you personally examined his breasts or just the doctor has?

Welcome to this forum.  You should find a lot of knowledgeable people here.

Good luck

[JohannK]

Welcome, I see your post is complete now.  At first it was cut off at the doctor's observation.

As bustymale said, your son could indeed benefit from a bra.  After all, a bra is meant to provide relief from the very things he mentioned.  Chafed nipples in particular can get very uncomfortable or even excruciating, so that alone could be enough reason to go for a bra, even if it's just temporary (depending how bad it is of course).  But, I think we all here can agree that children can be nasty.  So there is that part to consider, and only you will know if he can take it.

As for what the doctor said, pubertal gyne does usually go away but not always.  It's generally accepted as a matter of within two years, or never.  So do bear in mind that his breasts might be with him for life (unless he goes under the knife, that is, but I'm not an advocate for such surgeries).

[Gynomom]

I had a little trouble with my first post, so thanks for bearing with me.  Also, thank you, Johann and Busty,  for your thoughtful replies.

Yes, Busty, I have examined his breasts, both before and after the doctor visits.  When he told me about his chapped nipples, I had him show me, and then I have rubbed Lansinoh on multiple occasions to soothe them.  As you might know, Lansinoh  is quite thick, so takes considerable handling of his breasts and nipples to apply.  I could definitely feel the hard/firm masses beneath his nipples.  Without any doubt, glandular tissue, and I can feel seems to be growing, even since when I started applying the Lansinoh, as his breasts continue to develop.

I was struck by, how I applied Lansinoh just like this to my nipples when not so long ago and not all that much older than him, I was breast-feeding him, and now I am applying it to my child’s budding, and to be honest, quite impressive, breasts.  Just amazing, and on top of that, to think he is a boy.

I had him when I was still in high school, so now, here I am, only 29 and already with a child who has breasts at least as big as mine at his age, and for all purposes, seems already perhaps fully functional, by which I mean, capable of lactating and breastfeeding.  But what is a bit overwhelming is that child is male.

BTW, he says the Lansinoh really helps, so frequently asks me to apply or does it himself, but says it is better when I do it. I have told him it is what breastfeeding women use and that I used breastfeeding him.

[MarcoB]

Unfortunately there's a lot about gynecomastia that is unknown, even by trained medical personnel.  I feel especially bad for young boys who develop this, as kids can be so cruel!  I don't know what I would have done if it were me.  I started looking into this when one of our sons developed a big Hershey's Kiss on one side during puberty so quickly that I was afraid it would keep going.  Fortunately it did not; but that was 18 years ago and it still has not gone away.  This was also before I had any problem of my own.  It would have to truly be a crisis for me to submit to surgery though.  (Some do view it as such a crisis.)  As one gets older though, there's less and less concern for what others think.  He and you will be learning what works best for comfort, function, minimizing apparent breast size, and hiding a bra under his clothes.  (Bralettes can hide pretty well but aren't always as comfortable; also, a starched, plaid shirt goes a long way to hide what's underneath.)  You are to be commended for your sympathy and support.  Perhaps you saw the posts of 15-year-old member Bailey K, one being the topic at https://www.gynecomastia.org/forum/acceptance/17/15-dealing-with-my-breasts/35608 .  Keep us posted.

[Gynomom]

Thank you, MarcoB, I am trying, but there are days when it feels surreal, I am at a loss, and more than I can deal with. 

I see my son struggle at times and it kills me.  Other times, he seems more at ease, accepting, and natural about it. For example, he daily applies his Lansinoh, and is not the least embarrassed to ask me to do it, which is maybe half the time. 

I have given him several of my old camis and tanks with built in shelf bras to wear after the Lansinoh, so the extra layers protect his other clothes. 

As you and Johann both said, kids can be cruel. Some adults, too.  That breaks my heart for him. I got a doctors note to get him out of PE, as the locker rooms were a nightmare. Also, his gym teacher seemed to delight in putting him on the “skins” team; I gave that man a piece of my mind. 

We have learned to somewhat camouflage with too-tight undershirt and loose, dark, thicker, patterned tops.  But, candidly, his breasts are too big to fully hide or stop from moving braless. 

The doctor also said a couple years or so.  It has not even been a year and he is already this developed.  I worry about how much more his breasts could grow in the next year or so. 

[SideSet]

First, you sound like a great mom, doing all the right things, but very reasonable worries.

Second, sounds like your son is doing as well as you could hope and even reached a level of acceptance. 

Third, I agree with what everyone else here has said so far. 

Fourth, I want to reiterate what seems to be consensus here so far:

It is already past the time when your son needs to start  wearing a bra, both for comfort and appearance. 

[Gynomom]

Thanks, Sideset. Everyone here has been non judgmental, empathetic, and helpful.

I agree my son should have started in bras some time ago. His breasts are at least as big as mine were at his age, and surprisingly, the shape, including nipples, almost identical to mine.  And I had been wearing a bra for sometime already back then.  By now, it was second nature to put on my bra when I got dressed.  And I would have felt vulnerable, suggestive, and uncomfortable going out without a bra on.

It is such a big step to start wearing a bra. I cannot  imagine how a boy would feel getting fitted, trying on, learning all about, and regularly wearing a bra.  For me, it was exciting, validating, fun, and I felt grown up, attractive, and sexy. 

I agree he needs the comfort and confidence a bra will give him. Any suggestions how I should initiate him into the world of bra-wearing?

[Busty]

His attitude towards using the Lansinoh and camis with soft support might give you an indication of his receptivity to wearing a bra. 

Has he shown any interest in bras?

[MarcoB]

Any suggestions how I should initiate him into the world of bra-wearing?

It may take him a while to adjust his mindset for it.  It's just too scary when starting out.  At least it was for me.  I was sure everyone would be pointing and snickering and laughing; but actually I didn't see any evidence at all that anyone noticed.  As a side note, I didn't go into a crowd of junior-highers, but I think I had it pretty well hidden with a dark, striped shirt that wasn't snug.  It was more of a tank-type sports bra, not one that had the tell-tale feminine shape of the wings and hooks and adjusters on the back.  If anyone could see any outline at all, they probably thought it was just a tank-type undershirt.  From the front, they probably just think I have big pecs.

My own case is small enough to hide pretty easily as long as I keep my shirt on; but the soreness and irritation make me want a bra for relief.  The bralettes that just squash the breast down are no longer comfortable, and I want something with a bit of a cup to it.  I haven't found the perfect choice yet since normal bras with a 38" underbust mostly start at a B cup and I'm not quite there yet (and hopefully never will be), but I've found a few options that are a big relief, even if not perfect.  From what you're saying about his size, I imagine there will be more options for him.

Maybe best would be to give him the freedom, support, and encouragement to wear one around the house when it's just you two.  After a while, he can venture out with one of the more hidable ones (probably some sort of bralette, even if it's not as comfortable as the bra-bra ones), on a cool day where he can wear an extra layer or thicker shirt without getting too hot.  Eventually the fear factor wears off.

I'm sure glad you were able to get him out of PE.  Do encourage him of course to take up some kind of physical activity of his own though.  He's too young to be going on long bike rides or hikes by himself, but there should be plenty of sporting opportunities that don't require showing off breasts in a group, let alone having a jerk for a PE teacher who wants to keep putting him on the skins team!  "Jerk" isn't a strong-enough word for that man!

[JustJer]

I agree with MarcoB.

He could start with a bralette or some kind of sports bra.  Maybe start by wearing them around the house to see how they could help him. 

I am somewhat new to wearing a bra, and I find myself being nervous of having someone notice.  I am sure it will get easier with time.  My wife tells me not to worry.  She has been a great help to me in accepting my situation.  

You sound like a great mom, doing the best you can.  I hope the best for you and your son. 

[blad]

Baby steps.

He can try a bra at home for a while and venture out slowly in situations he feels safe and in control.

If he likes or prefers wearing a bra he will gain confidence doing so over time.

I know I realized very early on that I preferred wearing a bra, but started out selectively wearing it and slowly increased until wearing one full time.

At least he is not alone and has your guidance.

[Paa_Paw]

Start with the doctor again. A referral to an Endocrinologist might be in order.  This medical specialist will know better than any other how to interpret tests of your son's hormone levels and if needed, how to treat any hormonal imballance. Some Pediatricians also have a specific interest in development through puberty and they might be a good alternative.  

[aboywithgirls]

I started wearing a bra at the suggestion of my mother. It was optional at first. Once I developed to the point that we both agreed that I needed to start wearing a bra full time, she took me bra shopping and got fitted. Before that, I was wearing my sister's hand me down bras that she had outgrown. 

Im glad that i had the option to wear or not wear a bra because it gave me time to figure out what was best for me. I have grown to wear a 36H which happens to be the same size as my sister. I couldn't imagine going braless nowadays. 

[Gynomom]

I am a bit overwhelmed by all your positive support and advice.  Thank you so much. 

I only know this thing from my perspective of loving a male with female breasts not knowing how it feels for a male to have female breasts.

 I will reply specifically to each of the wonderful responses.

 Silly question. Do you think having female breasts makes a male nicer?   You all are so sweet. And my son is so sweet that I sometimes worry for him.  Makes him more vulnerable, you know?