Son with Gynecomastia

[Gynomom]

i just joined and started a topic in the Parents/Family/Friends  section.  One of the responses raised the issue of Acceptance, so I thought I might reach out to members here who have accepted having breasts, and might not be looking at topics in the Parents/Family/Friends section.  Any insight in that thread or here would be welcome.  For the  next year or so, and perhaps much longer, my son and I must accept that he has female breasts. 

Here is my first post from that topic:

I have a 12-year-old son who has significant gynecomastia.  He is a bit chubby, but his breasts go beyond Pseudogynecomastia.

Our family doctor says there is glandular tissue behind his nipples, which are puffy and larger and feminine in appearance.  His breasts also have a female shape, and I would estimate them at a small B cup size.

The doctor says his breasts will most likely go away over time, but I notice them continuing to develop.

My son seemed not to notice until fairly recently, but then became self conscious about his growing breasts. Since the doctors visit, he has been quite open with me about them, including telling me they always jiggle, and when he does activities, they bounce, and that he gets sore breast tissue.  He also said his nipples chafe.

I want to be helpful and supportive, but the doctor says we should just wait and see.

I am a single mom and would welcome any advice from those who have experience.  My only experience is when my breasts developed.

Thanks, Angela

[SideSet]

It is a good thread; I recommend it.

Gynomom, it seems clear to me your son needs to start wearing a bra,  and seems like you have also reached that conclusion.

The question is how to go about doing that

[Johndoe1]

Welcome Angela. As a life long sufferer of gynecomastia, I developed when I was 14, I too was told it would go away. I am now a 36DDD/38DD and middle aged. 

If he is complaining of discomfort, you and he should consider some type of support. Possible a pull over cotton bralette or sports bra. Something that will give support but give compression to help reduce projection. Nothing that looks feminine. Something in a nude color. Nothing printed on it or sewn on it like buds or medallions. Plain. Or some form of binding but binding is dangerous if not done correctly so I hesitate to even suggest that. If he has glandular development, his breast tissue is identical to your breast tissue, just not as developed so what you experience with your breasts, he is expecting as well. If he's like I was, he needs confidence boosting. Don't treat him any differently than you would if he didn't have gynecomastia. Don't make a big deal about his breasts. Matter of factly deal with the issues and then don't bring them up again. He needs to know having breasts are not a bad thing. Half of the population have breasts, including some males and they deal with them successful everyday. The goal would be he has confidence in his body. His body is not a bad thing or he is some kind of freak. He needs to feel he has your full support and he can talk to you anytime and you are there for him and don't let siblings tease him or make fun of his breasts. He is experiencing something very few males ever get to. That makes him unique. He has breasts. That doesn't make him anything less than what he is. Let him take the lead.

Try to be supportive of him. Let him dress comfortablely. If he is in fact developing, as you know, he will have discomfort in the breasts. Help him reduce the discomfort. Anf let him know it's no big deal. It's just how his body wants to develop. 

If you would like to PM, I am available. I would hate for someone to go through what I went through. It messed me up for years. And it was needless.

[Gynomom]

You Johndoe, thank you for the lovely response.

Yes, his breasts even look like mine at that age; it is a bit eerie for me, so I can’t begin to imagine what it is for him.  There are many more details in the Parents/Family/Friends thread, so I won’t bother repeating,  please feel free to read and reply there or reply more here.

While he has gotten some merciless teasing outside the home, it does seem as if he feels he has safe space with me.  I am a single mom and he is an only child.  He has told me about tenderness and discomfort in his breasts and nipples. We have done some things to ameliorate, but I really feel the need for us to do more.

I know I have been procrastinating about the bra talk. It just seems so feminine and final, if that makes sense?

You make some really good suggestions that could  help with his transition to wearing a bra.  I have been trying to do a project many of the things you talked about, so thank you for your insights.

How would I send and receive PMs here from my iPhone ?

[MarcoB]

How would I send and receive PMs here from my iPhone ?

For PMs, click (or whatever the iPhone equivalent is—I don't use one, so I don't know the details) on his name in the top-left corner of his post, and it should take you to his profile, and there will be a "Send PM" option.

[blad]

When I developed breasts at age 13, I was made very self conscious by all the comments I had at school to the effect that I needed a bra.

My mom also had me examined by a physician specialists. They did not provide much help.

When I did try a bra on I was surprised at how well it fit and did not mind wearing it. The problem that continued was all the comments at school. If not for all the razzing at school it would have been easier and faster to come to terms with having breasts and wearing a bra. 

[aboywithgirls]

Gynomom,

First off, its ok. Your son is certainly not the only one. I started wearing a bra when I was his age. My mother sat me down and gave me the bra talk. I am grateful that she did. I needed to wear one and we both knew it.

Depending on how your son feels about wearing one it may go very smoothly. I felt immediate relief as soon as I tried one on. Ive worn a bra every day for almost 30 years now. I know that it's a must. I also know that I look and feel better. I only wear a bra for me. I don't do it for anyone else. I  get asked if I like wearing a bra. I think that it's a ridiculous question. Would they ask a woman if she likes wearing a bra? I wear a bra because I have big boobs. A bra makes my life better. 

If you do have the bra talk with him, see if he is receptive to getting professionally fitted. It helped me. I felt that I needed to wear a bra after a professional opinion. 

Please feel free to ask any and all questions because I have been in your son's shoes.

[Gynomom]

Sideset, thank you for the support. MarcoB, I did it. I PM’d  Blad, your story sounds a lot like my son’s. Aboywithgirls, your attitude toward your breasts and bras sounds just like a woman’s, and I want my son to feel the same way. 

[aboywithgirls]

I hope that I can help you get him there. I feel that I bra is a better route rather than surgery. 

[gyneco_jason]

You sound like a very thoughtful and caring mom 
 I would suggest mentioning bras obliquely, without telling him whether he should or shouldn't wear one, like just mention that when your breasts developed it became uncomfortable to not wear one (assuming that was the case). He might feel better about it if it's his decision, as opposed to you telling him that he needs to wear one.
You will definitely want to look at unlined bras, because they won't add volume and projection to his chest. The one in my profile pic is a Dominique Mystique unlined minimizer bra, and it's arguably my favorite for everyday wear because it's hard to notice under a shirt.

[Gynomom]

I love that bra on you, Jason. Perfect fit and looks comfy.   Thank you for the advice. There is a definite theme to all the advice I’ve been getting. Essentially, use a light touch. All of you are so special. Thank you so much. 

[Dudewithboobs]

Unlined bras is great as well as t shirt bras as they in my experience help hold things in and provide support and provide shirts at least for me to provide a more flush look and not so projected. I’m a super fan of barely there pull over bras as well there is no hardware and gives good coverage and support without projecting or smooshing them. 

I think it’s awesome how well you are willing to be educated and understanding of this condition and prep your son the best way possible to feel great about it and encouraged to not let it hinder him. 

[Gynomom]

We had the bra talk.  And he wants to try wearing a bra.  Yay!

I have a friend who works at Soma.  She said we can come in before they open, and she said she will fit him for a bra, let him try on bras, and then suggested he wear a bra home 😀

Dude, I was thinking of bras with qualities you suggested. 

[gyneco_jason]

I love that bra on you, Jason. Perfect fit and looks comfy.  Thank you for the advice. There is a definite theme to all the advice I’ve been getting. Essentially, use a light touch. All of you are so special. Thank you so much.

Thanks! It is definitely a great fit and very comfortable. Another user on this forum tried it and said he loved it too. They're about $40 but totally worth it.
 One other thing I should mention is color; as you know already I'm sure, black bras tend to show through light-colored shirts, and white does too unless you have very light skin. For my skin color, beige and pink are much less noticeable. I know pink might be a bit awkward for him, it was for me too at first, so maybe just mention that and let him pick whichever ones he likes.
Also, Torrid has some excellent bras for people with wider chests and shoulders. I have one of their underwire sports bras and I wear it all the time.
Your idea of showing up early at Soma so he can get fitted alone is also an excellent idea. Gynecomastia can be a real bummer for a kid his age (I would know), and it's great that he has a caring, supportive mom to help him throught it. Kudos to you

[Gynomom]

Jason, thank you for the suggestions. We did get colors such as nude and rose. My son is 32B, so I don’t think Torrid will work for him. Who’s your mother helpful?