Thank you for being there for us

[Beeches]

I’ve been trying to make sense of my gynecomastia for a couple of years now. Initially, I didn’t think too much about my changing chest shape, assuming that I was just putting on a little unwanted fat, but it gradually became obvious that there was a little more to it than that. My nipples were often itching and sometimes ached or had stabbing pains. They became very much bigger and almost painfully sensitive, and I began to suffer serious soreness and chafing during my daily routine. Walking became more and more uncomfortable. I started to feel a lot of jiggle and movement in a large area of breast tissue when walking, and running became really painful. I decided to research the problem and what to do about it, and soon discovered the fantastic resource that is gynecomastia.org. I signed up in December 2019 and have been reading many, many postings in the months since.

My initial reaction to my gynecomastia was one of hostility - panic, if I am honest. Initially, I was absolutely determined to find the fastest way to rid myself of my unwanted breasts by any means necessary. As the months have gone by I gradually realised that diet and exercise would not achieve what I desired, and I really did not feel comfortable with the notion of having parts of my body cut off in order to conform to personal and social expectations. Very slowly, and with the support of all the great advice and recommendations on this forum and my wonderful partner, I have come to accept my situation. Now, I just want to work on becoming comfortable with who I am.

My gynecomastia is hormonal, due to drastically low testosterone levels. I have been on testosterone replacement therapy for several years now. My T levels are still on the low side of normal, but I feel so much better now than when they were extremely low. My doctor says that the breast development may be caused by fluctuating estrogen levels in response to the TRT, but I’m not prepared to abandon the TRT to try to deal with this.

I feel that I am lucky that I have not yet reached the point where I am unable to hide my modest but noticeable boobs. I have grown gradually to 38B and can keep things nicely hidden with sports bras and loose-fitting shirts. I don’t know how I would feel if I continue to grow to the point where they cannot be concealed. Right now, I find the sports bras great for social events as well as activities. At home, I generally wear an underwired moulded cup bra which helps a lot with concealing my now very prominent nipples and also helps contains a lot of my ‘side boob’ tissue comfortably.

So that’s my story so far. With the amazing support that I’ve found here, often from guys with very much more of a problem than I have, I have slowly come to terms with what is happening to my body. Whilst I would dearly love never to have developed gynecomastia, the forum has helped me get over my initial panic, adjust to the changing reality and accept my breasts as just another part of me. Earlier this year I rather reluctantly purchased my first sports bra, and suddenly all the activities that were so uncomfortable became painless again. It was a revelation, and I quickly realised just how much gynecomastia had already impacted my life. I have now accumulated a small collection of sports and normal underwired bras. I have yet to find my perfect bra, but I plan to keep looking. I never wanted breasts, but I now accept them and hope that I will eventually feel at ease with having them. I certainly would not even consider surgery any more, and that change in my outlook is almost entirely due to reading the advice and experiences of other men on this forum.

My main reason for posting this is to express my great appreciation for the tireless work that key forum members undertake year after year. The philosophical way that you deal with your own long-term gynecomastia is such a great example to all of us confronting the problem for the first time, and demonstrates how developing breasts at any time of life is something we can all live with. Your wise words and advice have been a great source of comfort for me and doubtless many others while trying to make sense of these uninvited changes to our bodies. 

I’m sorry for the long post, but I wanted to thank you all so much for being here for all of us new members of the club that nobody wanted to be in.


Beeches

[MarcoB]

I have now accumulated a small collection of sports and normal underwired bras. I have yet to find my perfect bra, but I plan to keep looking.

I and probably most members here are in the same boat.  I've found a few that are good, but they're not perfect.  If it turns out that they're the best I can do, my "fear" (not real fear, but a bit of a concern) is that when they wear out and I need more, they may be discontinued and no longer available by then, or that additional growth may require starting over in the quest for the (near-)perfect one.

I’m sorry for the long post

Don't apologize.  It's very well written, and it probably expresses many others' stories better than they themselves could.

[Beeches]

Hi Marco.

Thanks for your kind words.

I figure that the bra fitting problem is all down to the fundamentally different shape of the male and female breast. Until manufacturers wake up to what appears to be a growing market for men’s bras, I guess we have to keep on looking for women’s bras that happen to fit us reasonably well too.

I have purchased and returned quite a few bras that looked ideal on the website but turned out to be just wrong for the shape of my breasts. It is the usual problem - I need a relatively big band size and it is hard to find a shallow cup with wide wires. I tend to use a smaller band size to get the right cup volume, and add an extender As needed to to get the band to fit. I haven’t yet plucked up the courage to go for a fitting - I live in a rural area so would want to travel to a city to have any anonymity for this.

To date, my best all-round fit is from an Asian manufacturer, Ekouaer, which I bought from Wish.com. They describe it as the ‘Ekouaer Women Bra Push Up Memory Foam Underwire Bra’ It is not my perfect bra, but after trying many better-known brands, it is still my most comfortable and supportive fit so far. It has thin memory foam cups, which hide the nipples pretty well, and the shape seems to work for me. I’m still nervous wearing it in public, so often resort to a sports bra for those occasions. I don’t like the sports bra constriction too much, though.

I also like the Ekouaer’s underwires which help a lot with the sideboob problem that so many of us seem to have. Without an underwire I find my upper arms tend to rub on the tissue that runs back under my arms - the wires seem to keep this pushed forward and out of the way and I can walk normally without my arms stuck out to the side to avoid this!

I share your concern about my preferred bra choice getting discontinued, and have just ordered a couple more for exactly that reason.

Does anyone have a recommendation for a really good bra to deal with sideboobs?

[blad]

Back in the day when I developed breasts in school there was no on line resources...there was no on line!

The obvious path that presented was to try a bra, after all that was what everyone else with breasts were doing, (ie the girls in my class). It was more comfortable and did feel appropriate given the situation. But I felt all alone in my journey with no one else to share my situation with. The internet age revealed that others dealt with the same issues and had taken the same logical path.

Wearing a bra full time is not a big deal at all, but it was a hard path at first in those days without resources. 

[Beeches]

You make a very good point, Blad. It is too easy to take the many facilities offered by the internet for granted, and I can’t imagine how hard it must have been in the days before Google to come to terms with the condition. It really must have been such an isolating experience back then. You are right - we really don’t have too much to complain about in the Information Age.

We are so lucky these days to have the means of researching such things and to have the mutual support on these forums. The best thing is that none of us need to be alone and miserable as a result of our developing breasts. It is so good to be able to relate to others in the same situation.

Also, I count myself very lucky to have developed my breasts later in life. I’m at a point where I am mature enough to deal with the emotional impact so much better than I would have as a boy.

It has taken me a few months to accept my situation, but I now feel a lot more relaxed about it. I do worry a bit about them getting bigger and not being able to hide them as I do now, but seeing how well others with a lot more development than me have overcome any anxieties definitely helps. I started out wearing a bra only if it was unavoidable, like if I was hiking or doing some other strenuous activity. These days I tend to wear a bra most of the time, and it doesn’t seem a big deal any more. It is just nice to not have the discomfort.

[Johndoe1]

Welcome Beeches. Your story is not much different than many others here. I developed in my teen years and tried to hid the fact in shame. Just like you, I didn't ask to have breasts. But now, I wouldn't know what to do or how to feel if I didn't have them.

Like Blad, there was no Internet to research what this condition was and I thought I was the only guy with boobs. The living in a vacuum is what makes this so much harder. After I found that I was just one of millions, that put a whole new take on the situation. But by this point, it had been decades for me. I had gone through not only mental and emotional issues about my chest, but also physical. To try and hide them, I did all the things you hear about. I slouched. Wore oversize tops. Became overweight to try and blend my chest with my belly. Became an introvert. But after I found out I was not alone and saw how others dealt with it, I started changing. I started dealing with my mental and emotional issues and my physical issues. I lost 100 pounds and while that increased the appearance of my chest, I started wearing bras and found I could shape my breasts to give the best appearance given for a top or situation and that gave me confidence I had not had since my preteen days and my life has improved. While I don't flaunt my chest, if I show, I don't freak out. I have also found that since I started wearing bras, people do not seem to notice my chest as much now since I have the power to shape what my chest looks like. That is power I didn't have before. I am more physically comfort than before. While, like many women, I would prefer not to have to wear a bra. They can be uncomfortable at times, and in the size I wear, expensive. I tried cheaper bras, but as the old saying goes, you get what you pay for and the cheap bras are not as comfortable or supportive or look as good as the more expensive bras. But also, like many women, I wouldn't be caught dead not wearing one now. The benefits greatly outweigh the disadvantage. Women figured all this out a long time ago. Bras are just cloth and wire. The stigma towards men and bras are a societal thing. As ABWG says, bras are for breasts, not for women.

Looking at the bra you listed, it would appear you are shallow and wideset so more fuller bras or bras where the gore is narrow will not work. That is not unusual for men. Our wider chests make that happen. You might want to look at Wacoal or Natori and cups that are more teardrop shaped or where the inner cup doesn't go so far toward the center of the chest like the Wacoal Halo Lace underwire or the La Femme tee shirt bra or the Natori Understated Bra or the Bliss Perfection, or the Minimal Convertable Bra. I wear these bras so I have first hand knowledge. And you really need to go get fitted to be sure you are wearing the correct bra you. I can't recommend a fitting enough and there are many stores with very understanding ladies who would happy to help you.

I too hate the side boob with my arms running into my breasts. That is a side effect of wideset breasts. Many women have this issue too. So look for bras that have slings in the cups or side support panels or boning in the wings. This will pull the tissue more to the center and you arms won't be hitting your breasts.

[Beeches]

Hi Johndoe1, and many thanks for your warm welcome.

Reading your words makes me feel so much better. Until very recently I was wearing a bra only on occasions where I absolutely needed to, such as during activities, or where I wanted to try to hide them on social occasions. I mostly used sports bras which work pretty well for both of those situations. I find that I can’t wear a sports bra for very long - I hate the feeling of being compressed, and they are also pretty uncomfortable in the warmer weather.

I far prefer the comfort of a conventional underwire, but with comfort comes more projection, and I am still very nervous about my bra being visible. Having now tried wearing a bra on a daily basis for a few days, I really like how it feels. The aches and nipple soreness have just vanished. I plan to try to stick with it and not get so concerned about how I might look to others. It seems that much of the anxiety about gynecomastia is of psychological origin, and I think it will be a lot easier if I can get past my hangups about it.

It helps a lot to read your account of your own experience, and I can most certainly see how my own behaviour has mirrored much of what you describe. I spent a while refusing to accept what was happening, and I have only slowly come to terms with my changed body. I tried finding out all I could about the condition and ho I might make the boobs go away. Of course, nothing worked, and they have very slowly continued to grow. I too have been through the slouching and oversize shirt phase, trying to dodge social occasions and so on. I really need to get to where you and others here have got to, and get comfortable with my body image.

I’m overweight (BMI 26) and I am currently exercising and trying to cut down my food intake to get back to a normal, healthy weight range. I was a bit alarmed to see that your experience of weight loss included an increase of your chest appearance. I have seem a number of comments on this relating to the release of Estrogen as body fat reduces. Would you say that this effect is significant? Am I looking at going u another cup size, or is the effect just a perceived increase?

Thank you so much for your extremely helpful advice on bra styles and suitability. I really do value any help  can get with this, and what you say makes perfect sense. i will definitely check out the bras and brands you mention. It sounds as if you have had similar experience as me with the side boob problem, so your recommendations could really help me out with bra choices. You are entirely correct in your deduction that I have shallow, wideset breasts and your comments about the choice of cup shape are exactly the sort of information I need and can never seem to find on web sites. I don’t have your years of hard-won experience, so really appreciate your guidance on this.

I will attempt to upload a couple of photos which I hope will show my chest shape with and without a bra. I hope this will work - I did try uploading photos before, and those posts never got beyond ‘Awaiting Approval’. Maybe the new site will work better…

[Beeches]

Well, one of the two photos uploaded. Here's the second one.

[Johndoe1]

Hi Johndoe1, and many thanks for your warm welcome.

Reading your words makes me feel so much better. Until very recently I was wearing a bra only on occasions where I absolutely needed to, such as during activities, or where I wanted to try to hide them on social occasions. I mostly used sports bras which work pretty well for both of those situations. I find that I can’t wear a sports bra for very long - I hate the feeling of being compressed, and they are also pretty uncomfortable in the warmer weather.

Here is what I have found with sports bras. It's a love/hate relationship. When you need the support, it feels like heaven. When you don't, it feels like hell. They basically come in two flavors and depending on how much breast tissue you have, pretty much dictates which one works and which one doesn't. One is the pull over style. If your tissue isn't dense or you are too large, the pull over compression works for low to mid impact activities. Unless you are an A cup, these bras are useless when running or jogging. The other is the bra sized, industrial strength. These bras will keep a Mac Truck in place. But they can be uncomfortable for all day wear due to the compression that holds everything in place. But for an high impact activity, they are a life saver. I have several!

I far prefer the comfort of a conventional underwire, but with comfort comes more projection, and I am still very nervous about my bra being visible. Having now tried wearing a bra on a daily basis for a few days, I really like how it feels. The aches and nipple soreness have just vanished. I plan to try to stick with it and not get so concerned about how I might look to others. It seems that much of the anxiety about gynecomastia is of psychological origin, and I think it will be a lot easier if I can get past my hangups about it.

I too prefer underwire for the support and comfort. As a 38DD, it takes too much fabric to get the same support in a soft cup bra and I can't shape as much as I can with an underwire, but there are times with a soft cup is what you need. That is one thing I learned, women use different bras to obtain a desired look. While I am not trying to enhance my breasts, but just support them, there are many bras that work well an are underwire. Being wideset and shallow, I don't have as much projection as 38DD sounds like but I have enough tissue that it takes a D+ size cup to keep them from jiggling. While the underwire can produce projection, I find that to not be an unacceptable outcome. Minimizers work well to keep the projection down at the cost of spreading the tissue on the chest and I can deal with that.

It took a while for me to get past some hangups once I began to accept my chest. But once I did, it didn't too long to start enjoying having my breasts instead of wishing they were gone. It just takes time to get experience. Start slow. Go to areas no one knows you and build time and then move closer and closer to places you might run into people. I think you will see, like I did, unless you show off your chest, 99% of people will either not notice or not care and give a second look. They are too busy living their own lives. We know what is there and so we think everyone else knows too, but that is not true. The first time I went jogging in a sports bra, I was sure EVERYONE could see. Truth is, not one even gave a glance. Why? Unlike before, my chest was not moving around. The bra was doing its job. Lifting and supporting and not allowing the girls to roam free, so there was nothing to catch the eye with.

I’m overweight (BMI 26) and I am currently exercising and trying to cut down my food intake to get back to a normal, healthy weight range. I was a bit alarmed to see that your experience of weight loss included an increase of your chest appearance. I have seem a number of comments on this relating to the release of Estrogen as body fat reduces. Would you say that this effect is significant? Am I looking at going u another cup size, or is the effect just a perceived increase?

In my case, it was two fold. I yo-yo-ed in weight my whole adult life. So I had multiple estrogen releases. And each time I was a little larger and a little larger. I started out as a B, but over time, gaining and losing weight multiple times, it became additive. Not only fat, but glands as well. One time I would be a B, next time between a B and C and then a C and so forth. I now retain fat in a lot of the same places as women do such as breasts, tummy and hips. Only my breasts are pronounced. While my overall shape retains a male look, there are definite signs of feminine shaping due to a lifetime of enhanced levels of estrogen with reduced levels of testosterone. But this was me. Everyone reacts differently. You may not grow any at all.

Just know we are here for support and answer questions. Women are raised their whole childhood expecting breasts and what to do but men have no instruction on breasts and that effects how people react as well. There is no "Breasts" chapter in the male users manual.

[Beeches]

I could not agree more on the sports bra dilemma! It does help to keep a sense of humour when dealing with gynecomsatia. As you suggest, it is all about choosing the right bra for the occasion, as women do every day. I guess it comes with experience. I have a couple of Under Armor sports bras and a Champion one, all of which do a great job during activities, and a great for flattening and disguising projection, too. I also have one of the conventional bra-styled sports bras (I don’t recall the brand and the tags have come off it) It works great for activities, but now feels too small in the cup (it fitted much better in January…) With all of the sports bras, I’m always glad to take them off.

I’ve looked at your bra recommendations from your earlier post, and I agree that they look ideal. I’m finding it difficult to find them in the UK, however. I can get some of them through Amazon, but with import duties and shipping fees that work out expensive. For example, I really like the look of the Natori Minimal Convertible that you suggested. The cup shape looks like it would be right for me, and I like the deep sides, which I think would definitely help with the side boob problem. The problem is that by the time I get it shipped here it works out at $140 and I can foresee problems if the fit is not right and I need to return it. I did like the Natori, and some of your other suggestions too, so I will keep looking for UK stockists (and hopefully a better price!) Your comments regarding cup shape, gore width and side support are really helpful - I’m learning a lot here. I will certainly bear this in mind when bra shopping.

I was very interested by your comments about being wideset and shallow :

‘Being wideset and shallow, I don't have as much projection as 38DD sounds like but I have enough tissue that it takes a D+ size cup to keep them from jiggling’

Though I’m only a B cup, I have often been puzzled by just how much jiggle and movement I feel when braless. Sometimes I think that I should be fine without support. This is fine around the house, but when out and about the aches and chafing soon change my mind. If I walk fast or jog when braless, I can feel an unpleasant and very solid ‘thud’ in my chest with every step, and yet there is not so much projection there when I look in the mirror. I have concluded that this must be because the mass of breast tissue is spread out horizontally over the male chest, rather than being concentrated at the front of the chest as it is with most women. Using the ‘swoop & scoop’ approach when putting my bra on certainly reinforces this assumption, with much of the side boob tissue now contained in the cups.

Thank you for the heads-up on possible estrogen releases during weight loss, too. (This is something I am wary of because I know my estrogen levels do fluctuate. Last time I had them checked, I was just within range, but I’m sure they go higher sometimes due to aromatization of some of the testosterone from my TRT). I had read in various places how weight loss can release stored estrogen into your system, but this is never quantified, and have wondered how significant this might be in real life. Your experience tells me that I may expect a little growth if I lose some weight, but that I need to lose it and keep it off or risk gradually ratcheting up a cup size or so.

[Johndoe1]

I was very interested by your comments about being wideset and shallow :

‘Being wideset and shallow, I don't have as much projection as 38DD sounds like but I have enough tissue that it takes a D+ size cup to keep them from jiggling’

Though I’m only a B cup, I have often been puzzled by just how much jiggle and movement I feel when braless. Sometimes I think that I should be fine without support. This is fine around the house, but when out and about the aches and chafing soon change my mind. If I walk fast or jog when braless, I can feel an unpleasant and very solid ‘thud’ in my chest with every step, and yet there is not so much projection there when I look in the mirror. I have concluded that this must be because the mass of breast tissue is spread out horizontally over the male chest, rather than being concentrated at the front of the chest as it is with most women. Using the ‘swoop & scoop’ approach when putting my bra on certainly reinforces this assumption, with much of the side boob tissue now contained in the cups.

Movement depends on size of the breast, the density of the breast and the weight of the breast. If you are feeling discomfort in the chest when you move, then a bra may be the answer for you.

There is a misconception that breasts equals "projection." As with other things dealing with breasts, "projection" is not black and white but a fuzzy grey. Obviously, if you have breasts, you have projection because of the tissue that sits off the chest, but the different shapes of the breast causes projection to manifest differently in people. Being wideset, there is a space between my breasts that are at least three fingers wide and makes cleavage difficult so "projection" of sitting straight off the chest doesn't happen for me naturally. Being shallow, most of my tissue lie below the nipple so they "hang" similar to a tear drop, but I am not "teardrop shaped" per se and definitely not "perky." But I have enough tissue that in order to contain all my tissue after I swoop and scoop, it takes the volume of a DD cup in a 38 band. If I were round or full on top and not wideset, I would have much more perceived projection than I do. Same tissue volume, different shape and different style bra and look.

Thank you for the heads-up on possible estrogen releases during weight loss, too. (This is something I am wary of because I know my estrogen levels do fluctuate. Last time I had them checked, I was just within range, but I’m sure they go higher sometimes due to aromatization of some of the testosterone from my TRT). I had read in various places how weight loss can release stored estrogen into your system, but this is never quantified, and have wondered how significant this might be in real life. Your experience tells me that I may expect a little growth if I lose some weight, but that I need to lose it and keep it off or risk gradually ratcheting up a cup size or so.

I would suspect you would have more chance of additional development through aromatization than fat loss. My primary doctor considered HRT for me but decided against it because of the potential of additional development through aromatization. The thought was someone who already has significant gynecomastia, the chance of significant additional growth from one to two cups, that would equate to a F or G cup for me, was not worth the risk. I concurred with that. I also am not interested in reduction surgery for out of pocket cost reasons and the results are not always what you hope or expect. I could be in a worse position physically than I am now. Best leave well enough alone. I have learned to deal with bras and it's not so bad in the long run.

You might want to check out Bravissimo. They are a UK based company. They may stock those companies since they are all international bra manufacturers.

[Beeches]

I have no basis for comparison, but what seems to be my relatively small amount of breast tissue feels pretty dense and so quite heavy, so I presume that is why I get so much discomfort from walking when I don't have them supported. Jogging or running unsupported is really unpleasant. This does bother me a little because I can foresee stretching taking place over time. I am hoping that wearing a bra might help reduce this somewhat.

I think you were wise to avoid the aromatization risk from TRT. My testosterone was extremely low before I started TRT, and it pretty much transformed my life. The breast development risk was something I was aware of, but weighing up the risks and benefits, I decided I would take my chances. So far, I am OK with the small amount of breast development I have. I have to be very careful not use any more of the testosterone gel than absolutely essential to avoid the aromatization problem. My doctor won't prescribe aromatase inhibitors due to the side effects and associated risks, so if breast enlargement became a significant problem, my only option would be to stop TRT. Knowing how bad that would leave me feeling, I don't want to go there! It seems it is a matter of keeping everything in balance as best I can. Overall, I completely agree with you about leaving well alone, especially where hormones are involved.

I already checked out Bravissimo. They really know their stuff and have great customer support. My partner buys pretty much all of her bras from them, and she was hoping they would be able to help me, too. Unfortunately, they start at D cups, so not much help to me right now. I may contact them to see if they can suggest a company that can, though.

From what I have discovered so far, the UK is not well served in terms of bra options for men with gynecomastia when compared with what is available in the US, but maybe I have just not found the right supplier yet. Ironically, my present size does not help - it seems that there are few 38-40 band bras that go down to small cup sizes. If I do continue to develop more breast tissue, I guess the upside is my choice of bras increases.

[p.r.1974]

I too would like to echo Beeches appreciation of the members that have shared their mileage. It has taken along time to get to where I am at emotionally and physically, having my journey begin at puberty. The openness, understanding, and predominant lack of judgement have been quite encouraging. Thank you!

Many here have similar challenges with support vs projection - raises hand - and have different ways of managing that. I prefer to go with unlined underwires with nipple covers. It seems to give me the best support and modesty for various activities outside the home.

May you find what works for you as you need it.

[Beeches]

I had not thought of the unlined bra / nipple cover option. That’s a great suggestion, especially with foam cups being hot during the summer months. I must give it a try - Thanks for mentioning it.

I’m still pretty new to this, and obviously have plenty to learn!

[OHboobs]

I don't even worry about if the nipples are visible through my shirts.  I think most people realize that men have nipples.  In the winter months, I think they'd show through a steel plate.  Warmer months, they seem to relax a bit more, but doesn't take much to make them stand at attention.  As long as the bra is comfortable and stops the movement without making my boobs look bigger is all I care about.