Performing Self-Liposuction?

[mikeyfive0]

Okay, Ive had it...My insurance company turned down my third request for surgery so I have decided to become a do-it-yourself guy. Does anyone know of any sites that give detailed instructions for performing self-liposuction? I'm not a doctor but I feel really confident that I could perform this procedure flawlessly. I'm very good with my hands, and work well with all sorts of tools. All I need is the basic information. Also I'm a bit concerned about passing out at the first sight of blood, does anyone have any advice that might help in that department. I really hope that I'm able to stay awake after I start the anasthesia. Do ya think Pacificare will pay for my emergency room visit when my surgery takes a turn for the worse? I hate insurance companies almost as much as I hate Gynecomastia. Peace

[headheldhigh01]

i sympathize, but we're talking baaaaad idea here.  far better to get a second job, finagle a credit card, or lay off beer for a year or two.  here's past comment by me on the subject (the guy was planning excision, but same basic issues, you can't just hook up your shop vac):  

first off, you'd want an x-acto knife instead of a razor blade.  second, it's not going to be a nice, neat, yank on something and it detaches, it's going to be a tearing, fleshy mess.  third, you're going to bleed like crazy because you don't have what it takes to arrest that.  fourth, you have a hugely inferior viewing perspective compared to a surgeon.  fifth, you'd have no anaesthesia:  thinking you can do weird angle fine surgery like that is like believing you can assemble a plastic model with a dog chewing on your leg.  sixth, you'd leave unreconstructed craters.  seventh, a lousy stitching job is going to leave scars of the scale that with the cratering might be worse than the gyne.  

so if you are uninterested in such details as anesthesia difficulties, bleeding or infection risks, lousy visuals onto the op area, unforeseen complications, let me just make the suggestion you keep a cell phone with a speed-dial for 911 close and handy.

that last part does assume you're still conscious.  shop around and ride a greyhound if you have to, if you had the hots for a good used car, you'd figure a way too.  but putting your life (and/or chest) at risk is not worth four or five grand.  

oh yes, and God forbid you or any of us should wind up as a featured item on news of the weird  

[Grandpa Bambu]

first off, you'd want an x-acto knife instead of a razor blade.  second, it's not going to be a nice, neat, yank on something and it detaches, it's going to be a tearing, fleshy mess.  third, you're going to bleed like crazy because you don't have what it takes to arrest that.  fourth, you have a hugely inferior viewing perspective compared to a surgeon.  fifth, you'd have no anaesthesia:  thinking you can do weird angle fine surgery like that is like believing you can assemble a plastic model with a dog chewing on your leg.  sixth, you'd leave unreconstructed craters.  seventh, a lousy stitching job is going to leave scars of the scale that with the cratering might be worse than the gyne.  

so if you are uninterested in such details as anesthesia difficulties, bleeding or infection risks, lousy visuals onto the op area, unforeseen complications, let me just make the suggestion you keep a cell phone with a speed-dial for 911 close and handy.

That last part does assume you're still conscious.

Hehe, you made my day Bratha... That's good!

[Cuttin Headz]

Wow- how much is it gonna cost me? Seems like a great idea!

I dont know, i mean i am clumsy and i could screw up my chest even more. I mean, its gonna hurt and no anesthetic and shit. Ah, forget about it!

Your breasts would necrose and fill up with a blood clot, maybe you'd bleed to death! ARRGH!

[.invincible.ironman.]

dude.. do not, I repeat DO NOT do your own surgery.

this sounds like a joke but if you're serious, man just get the idea outta that head.

you're askin for a bad, bad time.

[vaio]

Thats the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Where are you gonna get a canula and all the necessiary hardware to the lipo? The lipo vavume equipment costs more than the surgery itself.

[Alex18]

If you try that, your chest will probably end up looking even worse than before.

[Paa_Paw]

I really hope that this post is just a verrry baaad joke.

Do It Yourself surgery is akin to suicide!

On the chance that you may be serious, Go talk to a Psychologist and explain your problem to Him/Her.  The emotional torment and suffering you endure may be enough to get the insurance company to re-evaluate your case if you get documentation from a Psychologist.

[Arkatakor]

hey bud, we all know how you feel - how many times have I looked myself in the mirror and impulsively wanted to take a knife to my nipples.  but what you are talking about is SUICIDE, to say the least.

Look at it this way - at least you have a motive, so my suggestion is, make it your MISSION IN LIFE to get them removed and up until then, save up every penny for that purpose.  it will be worth it.

[mikeyfive0]

Okay guys, I was just kidding...I would never really attempt self-surgery. I'm gonna have my little brother perform it. I figure that there is no possible way I can stay awake during the process. Okay still kidding but I really do hate insurance companies. I do have a new plan though. I'm gonna go on a fast food diet and eat until I get so fat that my juggs look small compared to my huge belly. I'll keep you updated! peace

[3timer]

Hey Mickeyfive0,

I knew you were joking with the first post and was laughing my butt off with your final post. All ya gotta do is go to the local comedy club and with your wit you will have the five grand in no time. It's good to see some humor mixed in with all the serious posts that we read on this site. Best of luck!
3timer

[Paa_Paw]

Thanks for a bit of comic relief.

We tend to take ourselves too seriously here.

But we cannot treat a post like this as outright comedy initially. What if the original post was serious?  An inapropriate response to a really deserate person might contribute to a very stupid decision on their part.  Or, a lack of compassion may drive someone away who really needs our help.

I'd rather fall for a lame joke than hurt someone. Note the careful way I worded my first response to this thread.

[ModFive]

Jesus I cant even respond.  Once when I was younger (18), and had had Gyno for about 3 years I thought about doing self-surg.  FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES!  Geez, saving 3-6K if you are REALLY dedicated is not that hard! And if you are thinking self-surg, you should be dedicated.  Man.. I thought sometimes I had bad thoughts related to gyne .

[jc71]

I'd encourage a general surgeon over the do-it-yourself idea.  and i'm not a fan of the general surgeons, at least when it comes to gyne. general's probably won't cost as much as plastic's but they'll probably do a better job then a selfer.

It all comes down to perceived risk vs. perceived reward.

[nope1]

Either way, you'll be seeing a real surgeon, whether it's scheduled properly, or its a visit to the Emergency Ward.