Hello, I'm new here. I have a long story, so if you aren't into novels disguised as posts, or you have something to do, you might want to bookmark this baby and get back to it later.
But seriously, I have quite a story to tell.
I'm currently 30 years old, and I've had Gyne since I was 13. Got it from the very moment I started puberty...not too long after my first erection, actually. The funny thing is, I don't remember it happening. All I remember is that on the last day of 5th grade I was flat chested and running around the schoolyard with my shirt off getting sprayed with shaken up soda cans (Yeah, me and my buddies were messed up like that) and the next thing I knew it was day one of sixth grade and I had breasts bigger then any girl in my homeroom.
At first, I just assumed I was fat. I went from being the "goofy class clown" one year to being the "Boy with titties" the next. As the years went by, it only got worse, eventually resulting in me being labeled "gay" by everyone in school and finding the word FA**OT emblazoned on my books and my locker several times a month. By 7th grade, I was getting jumped in the restrooms at school and was sexually assaulted numerous times. (ripping off of my shirt by the bigger kids, fondling my chest, even putting their hands down my pants) Because of this, I eventually developed a condition that results in me being unable to urinate in public restrooms, partly due to the fact that I have flashbacks and I get anxiety attacks so bad that I can't breathe until I leave the restroom.
I still remember one kid in my english class in 10th grade who would whisper in my ear how he was going to rape me, and he'd shove his hand down the back of my pants. I eventually stood up to him in class, punching him in the nose and breaking it. I was suspended. Great justice in that, eh?
By the time I graduated, I had gained significant weight due to my self-imposed home exile and my desire for comfort foods to calm the depression, even though I once was incredibly skinny. I don't have a digicam but I can say that even with all the usual tricks (Pocketed t shirts, tight undershirts tucked in) they are still VERY visible and I get a lot of stares.
Anyway, when I graduated, I thought the adult world would treat me different. In high school I only had two friends (Both very close and one I still associate with to this day) and I hoped that would change. So when I landed my first "real" full time job, I put my past behind me (Which was awfully hard since I was quite shy) and attempted to be outgoing. Most of my co-workers accepted me, but our customers did not.
I have, for about a decade now, managed a store in our local mall. Won't say what due to me wanting to remain private, but it does mean I deal with the public...a lot. The problem is that my boobs have made me the subject of ridicule from more then a few repeat customers, most of whom are quite young. Our clientele is very....urban, and also very rude. They think nothing of grabbing my chest while I am answering their questions or turning to their friends and going "DAAAAAAAA*N, look at that dudes titties!!!!" this is a daily occurence, and although my co-workers tell me to ignore it, I would be lying if I said I didn't cry in my car on the way home some nights.
But I suffer through this, day in, and day out. All the while, my family completely dumbfounded why I keep returning shirts they buy me for christmas and my birthday because I "Hate the material" or "It doesn't have two pockets." I can't believe they don't notice my chest and put two and two together. I think my parents never wanted to admit it. My mother always told me I was lying when I described my daily assaults in school. She said I was making it up, and would punish me for lying, so go figure.
I've been reading this forum of and on for a YEAR now, and only now just registered. I only found out what I had thanks to an article in my local paper about this "Hidden problem" and did a google search on the word gynecomastia. And to think, I was starving myself and lifting weights and getting mad when my daily measurements showed no improvement. Heh!!
I've seen a lot of posts in this time, and the ones that always burn me a little are the ones about how it affects sex.
I'm 30, and still have yet to lose the big "V". Oh, I've kissed women, gone on dates (Very sporadically) and have no problem asking women out, but very few actually accept my advances...and the few who have always end up telling me i'm "like their brother" and I get caught in the nice, sensitive guy trap. I've met quite a few women (nearly a dozen) online via dating sites, but when their eyes hit my chest, the look on their face says it all. They leave early and never call back.
I guess I never wanted to admit the problem to myself. I tend to ignore it, find ways to hide it better, pretend it doesn't exist, pretend i'm normal, pretend im not a freak...but I think now, with this post, maybe the time to do something is coming. I can't keep living with the shame of having customers cop a feel on me or kids mistakenly calling me ma'am. (Even though I'm an extremely hairy guy!!!!)
Unfortunately, there are no surgeons in my area (according to the doctor listing on the main page) unless I travel to Philly, which is roughly a two hour drive from where I am.
I'm leaning towards ordering these underworks shirts. They look so uncomfortable and I can't imagine them working any better then my tight undershirts (which barely work anyway) but I simply can't spend another night crying myself to sleep over this. I want the stares to stop. So, so badly.
Topic: 17 Years and still not easy... (Read 4758 times)
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