My brother used to tease me and lift up my shirt to show his friends when I was very young, somewhere between 5-7. I dreaded going to the swimming pool because all my friends were normal and skinny, but I was fat and had these giant, obnoxious, puffy nipples. I used to get out of the pool really quick and get a towel or just stay in the pool and get out when nobody was looking. My friends would be running and doing crazy jumps and whatnot and I'd just be standing in the pool, trying to stay up to neck level so nobody could see.
I lost a fair bit of weight once I got to middle school and I had a pretty select group of friends that I'd hang out with every day. Well, of course they would want to go swimming in summertime so I had to join them or they'd taunt me with endless questions as to why I didn't want to go in the pool. I took my shirt off and instantly they began cracking up, pointing and laughing at my "funny-looking nipples". I had never felt so bad about it in my entire life. I always knew they weren't normal compared to everyone else's, but nobody had ever teased me that about it before in my life.
During high school, I lost even more weight and started to feel pretty good about myself besides my "handicap", so to speak. I still didn't want to take my shirt off around anyone and I completely neglected all beach or pool-related events, along with anything else that involved me taking my shirt off. In the locker room during gym, I would quickly take my gym shirt off with my other shirt in my hand so that I could put it back on as fast as possible. I was totally embarrassed by it and thusly, I never once asked a girl out or talked to a girl as anything more than friends. There have been girls that expressed some interest but I just shy away and pretend like I want nothing to do with women, even if that couldn't be further from the truth. I spent most of my high school years avoiding any contact with females, sitting alone at home in my room playing on the computer or watching movies.
I'm now 19 and I'm still terrified of the thought of anyone else finding out about my gynecomastia. I still cannot talk to women for the life of me, even if they show subtle interest in me or have their hands all over me in a drunken state at a party or something. I don't think I could live it down if I was ever laughed at or teased by a woman because of it, thankfully it hasn't happened so far. Gynecomastia has made my overall confidence and self-esteem basically non-existent, I struggle with pretty bad anxiety almost all the time.
The last time I took my shirt off in public was when I was incredibly drunk at a concert where it was dark and I didn't think anybody would notice. Nobody said anything, but even in my intoxication I felt like everyone's eyes were fixed upon my chest instead of the show that was going on in front of them. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and in the shower and I'm literally repulsed by my breasts. I recently started working out 4-5 times a week and it has made me feel better about myself, but of course my disgusting fat, puffy nipples remain. I knew in my mind that working out wouldn't make them go away, but I thought maybe if I lost some extra body fat they might look a little better. Nope, if anything they are even more noticeable because my stomach and abs are getting smaller.
It wasn't until a few weeks or months ago that I actually looked into it, searching for something along the lines of "male breast reduction" on Google. I came across this site and found out that there was a surgery to correct the disorder. I was pretty impressed by the photos I saw and I began fantasizing about having the operation done myself. However, like a lot of people, I haven't found a way to come out and tell my parents about it. They are very understanding people; they once paid for my brother to his ears pinned back because he felt like they stuck out much too far. I'm pretty positive that they would support me and pay for the surgery but I have no idea how to go about telling them about it. I've envisioned myself breaking it to them and just having them laugh and tell me that there was nothing wrong about it or I'm making things up. I'm thinking about just telling them they hurt or there's something wrong with them and then just using that as an icebreaker to lead into more serious matters, telling them how I've always been very embarrassed and self-conscious about it.
The advice I'm looking for is what to do when I eventually do let them know about it. Would it be wise just to see the family doctor and take it from there or should I just start looking around for doctors who can perform the operation? Also, I know there is a "Find a surgeon in your area" section, but can anyone provide me with a rough estimate of how much the procedure will cost in the state of Illinois?
Topic: Looking for some advice but also want to share my story (Read 5636 times)
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