new here + story

[gbs80]

Hello all,

A couple of weeks ago I found out about the term 'Gynocemastia' and finally I knew what was torturing me for a pretty long time. I always thought I was alone, and that I was overreacting. I looked at my friends and came to the conclusion that they were not whining about anything wrong with their body's, so I should just be a man about it. Life certainly hasn't been very easy, but I can't say that I didn't enjoyed it, because I did. But there were always these things.....

my story is kinda strange:
I guess it started when I was about 11 years old, when somebody made a remark about it. I was a little bothered about it, but not that much. Eventually I kept swimming and everything, because I loved it.
At the age of fifteen I started gaining some wheight (and I started occasionally drinking alcohol), and one time in the lockerroom at the sport I practiced at that time, somebody said 'Hey man, you got boobs, thats freaky, dude!" I was in the middle of puberty and it bothered me as hell! Suddenly I was overselfconsious, and couldn't stop thinking about it. I gained some more weight as the following two years went by, and obviously those f*cking manboobs got bigger. I started with carefully selecting my t-shirts, and going swimming and to the beach was very frightening. When I was a a beach I just laid on my towel all the time with strechted arms. I started hating the summers, even though I used to love them and everything that goes with it. Occasionally people made remarks about my boobs, and I really hated that!

At the age of 17 everything for the outside world seemed normal, I was actually quite popular had lots of friends, but I decided that it was enough. I was overweight, not very overweight, but the main thing bothering me were those boobs! I lost weight succesfully, and my boobs shrunk. Everyone was complementing me on how I looked and it felt great! I was not scared anymore of taking my shirt of and that vacation I went to greece with friend and didn't wore a shirt the whole summer. I didn't get any remarks or looks. I never thought that my boobs were really gone (obviously they weren't, but they looked more like pecs). Somebody told me that my pecs were to large compared to the rest of my body, but it didn't bothered me.

I thought I got rid of my boobs and the remarks and didn;t thinked about it a lot. But off course.......
They came back! As I started living unhealtier I gained a little wheight and offcourse they came back in full pride! Since then I struggled with it. There was a time when I was very, very down about it. I was in a very strict working out regime, and they just wouldn't go away. They looked again like pecs, but they were f*cking manboobs. I tried everything, and came to the conclusion that I can't beat them, i somehow had to live with it. That helped a little, I had fun in live, but I knew that I was always gonna be deprived of walking shirtless, swimming and everything. But.....I've met a fantastic girl that made my self-esteem go through the roof the fist months I dated here. Now were living together, and i've been with her for 2 years plus. Again, those were fanastic times, but there was always this problem, I was always insecure and sometimes depressed with the way my chest looked. I blamed myself for not working out.

I hate to be so selfconsious, I hate to be paranoid about situations where I have to take my shirt of, I hate hiding those f*cking things, I hate to carefully select my clothes, and I hate the remarks. I also hate it to freak out when the wheaterman is saying it will be a beautiful day! I hate it to decline invitations to go swimming all the time. I wanna enjoy life to the full. So I made the promise to drink less, eat healthier and work out like hell. Then I found about about gynocemastia......My mouth felt open! So this was it all along. I was not alone, the stories here are so familair! I couldn't believe it! Last monday I made the step of seeing a doctor, and she told me that it can be gynocemastia, but not a very bad case. Judging from the photo's here I would say it's a 3 out of 10, but it's still making me very miserable. I can't feel gland behind my nipples and the doctor couldn't either by feel. I had glands in puberty (as a lot of my friends had) so I know how that feels. My chest now just feels fatty, but I can't get it away with weight loss. I have an appoinment to have my blood checked.

And I found out that there actually can be something done about it: the surgery. I've allready made the decison, I'm gonna do it! Hopefully soon. If this is what it takes to live live to the fullest, so be it! I feel vey happy since I've made that decision. Now, I need to find the courage to tell my girlfriend about the problem thats been bothering me for almost ten years.......Thats gonna be very hard for me. I chickened out monday and yesterday, but tonight I'm gonna try it again. Somehow it feels like I'm losing some off my strenth, some of my masculinity when I tell here.....On the other hand I know that is utter nonsense.
Also because she was anorectic in the past (before I met here) so she knows everything about feeling selfconscious. It will be one of the hardest things I have to do, but I just have to get it over with......

Sorry for rambling about it that long, but this week I talked for the first time about something I thought I would have to keep a secret all my life. I know there is a solution now, hopefully sunshine will fill my life again.

Thanks for all the stories and advice given here, I'm truly thankful for that....

regards