hi all, i know i posted in this thread before but i really need to get this off my chest (no pun intended) .. just when you start thinking that things are getting better, boom you're all of a sudden "set back".. i knew this girl for like 5 months already, she was actually my orientee at work and i had a huge crush on her.. she seemed very cool and still is, but here's the deal.. 3 weeks ago we began hanging outside of work, the first time we met was at a bar, we got drunk and i told her that i have a crush on her..to my surprise she said she felt the same way about me all along, it was a great night =) .. so for the past few weeks we hung out 2-3 x / week and she was really into me, she slept over my place a few times but nothing happened, just innocent friendship at the begining... 2 days ago things started to heat up and we "did" it, and yes it was the very first time i took my shirt off in front of her, well i had too because she insisted and i had no choice and i didn't want to make a fool out of myself by making a stupid excuse
the good thing was that it was dark, and i didn't pay much attention to it, it wasn't my 1st priority of you know what i mean .. so after that a few days pasts by and i'm like in "cloud 9" until tonight
i call her and ask her to come over and she does, i was wearing a pretty tight shirt at that time, dunno but i felt comfortable around her and plus she never said anything about it ... here's what happened, she knocks on my door and i answer, i said hi and i gave her a kiss and a hugg and when i did, she puts her hands on my left chest and gives it two very gentle squeeze, it seemed more like a "playful thing" rather than an insult, like she meant nothing of it and just proceeded inside.. ofcourse i played it out and just acted normal but inside i wanted to cry
i bought dinner for us that night cause i was soo hungry but feeling soo embarrassed inside, i took two bites and all of a sudden felt like throwing up literally.. i'm pretty sure she didn't mean anything of it but i felt soo embarrassed inside, maybe because of the shyte i had to go through (comments etc) in the past .. just when i thought things were getting better, even just a tiny bit of confidence, it's back to the "drawing board" for me .. as for her, she's still the same, the feelings is still there i think lol, but it just ruined the night for me internally and i feel like shyte
i apologize for this post, but this is the only place where i feel that i can face my "deamons"...thanks