Hey guys,
It has been quite awhile since I last wrote -- at least a month. This is not unintentional either. Before my surgery, I wondered if I would continue to contribute to this board and if so, for how long. Would I really want to keep the memory of something so painful so fresh in my head? Remembering what I went through and looked like on a regular basis? I don't want this discussion board to be a part of my life forever and I hope the same for everyone else. I think it should be more like a springboard rather than a couch where everyone just hangs out forever.
With that said, I also find this site to be endlessly interesting and inspirational still. Kind words go a long way when they come from people who understand you -- who you can relate with. I think we all take each other very seriously on this board -- even when we think someone is rude, we still feel it.
So, anyway, I am doing well. The results are very good but in a way that I didn't expect. I do not look the way I thought I would look but at least I like the way I look more now than I did before. This whole process has helped me to really understand my body and its shape. There are so many things that I realize cannot be changed even if I had all the money in the world to spend on cosmetic surgery. I am much broader than I thought I was. My chest cavity is quite large. There definitely was unnecessary fat on my chest before surgery but I don't have the sort of slim look I was thinking I would achieve. I have more of a muscular look. Do I like it? Yes, I do. Do I identify with it. Not really. I am going through this process now where I am starting to attach the person in the mirror to the person who is doing all the thinking. I have always had a serious disconnect in this area -- many people do, especially us. We have spent so much time in life looking away when we come face to face with out reflection. We don't like to look down when our clothes are off. We avoid being exposed in front of the ultimate mirror -- other people. There is nothing worse than seeing someone else evaluate our bodies -- subtle facial expressions can be devastating.
I am going to the gym before work every morning and often after work as well. I am doing cardio and weight training. Change is happening but it is happening slowly. As one of my favorite singers puts it "changes comes slow or not at all.." Thanks Lauryn!
I will see Dr. Jacobs next week for my 3 month post-op. He will be very pleased. I am very pleased.