I don't know what to do :(

[Ike]

Hi everyone!  My name is Isaac (Ike for short) and I've had gynecomastia since I was 12/13.  I would remember feeling the tissue under the breast, and wondering what it was...It was more weird than anything else, and it didn't get to me for a while.  Now I'm 17, and it's gotten worse.  I'm about 5'11" and 180 lbs.  I have a big build, so I'm not that fat.  I still have my baby fat, but that's it.  My breasts are really starting to get to me.  I have to make sure I'm wearing the right kind of clothes, so that they don't show so much.  And I constantly find myself scanning through the other males in the hallway at school, searching for people worse off than I am.

So my question is...At age 17, what can I do about this?  I just turned 17 in February, and I really don't want to deal with this anymore.  And since I'm not legally an adult, I can't take care of the problem on my own.  What am I supposed to do?  It's not like I can walk up to my dad, say "Hey dad, I have breasts, and the only way to get rid of them is to pay for an expensive surgery that isn't covered by insurance!"  I'm sure he'd just laugh, mention that there are some people worse of, and continue on like everything is dandy.  I'll be getting my license soon, but can I visit the doctor on my own (if I pay of course) before I'm 18.  And if so, is there anything they could possibly prescribe me to help with this problem?

All responses are appreciated 
-Ike

[edit] Also, I'll post pics once I find out what I did with my camera

[i_dont_know]

As someone who suffered from age 14-24, here's my best advice:

You basically have 2 options. If the gyne has been there for 5 years or so, there is a strong likelihood that it is not going to go away on its own (unfortunately). If this is the case, the only way you're ever going to get rid of it is to have the surgery. The problem is that the surgery is not easily affordable for everyone and is very expensive. If you can afford to save up and possibly get some sort of assistance from a family member, I would go that route and do what I could to get the surgery done.

The other option is that you can decide you want to live with it and not let it affect you. A lot of guys do live with this condition without letting it ruin their summers and without making them self conscious all of the time. Some can simply embrace it and deal with it. Personally, that wasn't the option for me but it was an option nonetheless.

I'm actually getting the surgery done in about 2 weeks. I just had a consultation a few days ago and decided it was time to do something about it. My BIGGEST regret is that I didn't do this sooner. I waited nearly 10 years to finally pursue the solution. I spent years and years just hoping by some miracle it would go away on its own.. I spent years searching for some magic "creme" or herbal remedy and the truth is that there just aren't any. For years I kept my shirt on at the beach, felt apprehensive about wearing certain shirts, etc... because as someone who only weighs 165lb, it's fairly obvious (especially since my gyne is asymmetrical). I just got tired of wishing I could take my shirt off at the beach again like I did when I was younger... and tired of not being able to wear all of my t shirts because some made the gyne too noticeable. I'm so glad I finally made the decision to do something about it. For 3 weeks, I'll have to wear a compression vest, and I'll have to deal with scar tissue and the entire healing process... but considering I spent 10 years suffering, the few months of healing and short initial period of discomfort will end up being WELL worth living gyne free for the rest of my life and having the flat chest I had when I was younger again.

I completely sympathize with you.. I've been there, I've been through it. So have the other guys here. I really urge you to explore your options regarding surgery if you think you'll be too uncomfortable with your appearance as is. Like I said.. I WISH I did something about this when I was your age rather than sulking and avoiding things and just wishing one day it would start to go away. You have an opportunity to eliminate this problem early on in your life. If it's an option, you should do it.

Good luck!

[Ike]

Thanks a bunch    I hope your surgery goes well.

As much as I'd like to, I can't just live with it, especially if it gets worse.  I'm pretty conscious about it right now, but fortunately, I think I do a good job of concealing it.

The way you describe it, surgery would be a godsend.  I just have to find a way to make it happen, and I can't think of a way to bring it up to my dad.  At this time, the only thing I can think to do is nearly starve myself.  I tend to eat only one small meal a day, in hopes that I'll lose a little weight, and in turn, the gynecomastia might become a little less apparent.

I will be getting a job soon, so I could start saving...I don't want to have to worry about it all through college.

[i_dont_know]

Thanks a bunch    I hope your surgery goes well.

As much as I'd like to, I can't just live with it, especially if it gets worse.  I'm pretty conscious about it right now, but fortunately, I think I do a good job of concealing it.

The way you describe it, surgery would be a godsend.  I just have to find a way to make it happen, and I can't think of a way to bring it up to my dad.  At this time, the only thing I can think to do is nearly starve myself.  I tend to eat only one small meal a day, in hopes that I'll lose a little weight, and in turn, the gynecomastia might become a little less apparent.

I will be getting a job soon, so I could start saving...I don't want to have to worry about it all through college.

Bringing it up to your father can't hurt. You should do your research and get as much information on gynecomastia as you can so that you can present the problem to your dad in a very thorough and mature way. He might end up being more receptive than you think. I expected my father to be pretty understanding but he was even more understanding and receptive than I had thought. He essentially said to me "so what are you waiting for.. schedule that consultation and get moving with this!". He told me he wished I had come to him and confided in him so much sooner and said it pained him to know that I suffered through this for a full 10 years.

At the very least he might agree to at least help pay for the surgery or front some of the money where you can pay him back as time goes on. A lot of this will hinge on your knowledge. I would think a parent would be less likely to want to help if you approach it like it's just some cosmetic thing about your body that irks you... akin to a female saying "my stomach is fat, I want lipo!"... most parents would deem it an unnecessary procedure and not pay it much merit. But if you explain to your father the anguish and embarrassment this condition has caused and will cause you in the future, he may be much more inclined to want to help. You can tell him that it is physically and mentally discomforting and that surgery is the only real solution and that is the truth.

If he decided he doesn't want to help you financially, then perhaps you can save up for a couple years and pay for it yourself. You are still young.. you still have a TON of adulthood ahead of you. I wouldn't stress, but I also wouldn't become stagnant and not be active about doing something.

Also, a side note: By not eating or trying to lose weight, you won't make the glandular tissue any less prominent. The fat around it and elsewhere may dissipate somewhat as you shed some pounds, but you can't shrink the gland just by losing weight. It may actually look like it's more prominent if you lose a lot of weight because the area surrounding the gyne will get smaller but the gyne won't.

Either way, good luck with everything and thanks for your nice wishes regarding my own surgery.

[Ike]

I really should try and bring it up to him.  I just have to think of how to start up the conversation.  And it would be a good idea to learn more about it, since I just found out what gynecomastia IS.  Maybe he would take it well, and at least offer some help.  And yes, the sad truth is that surgery is the only option...

I plan on saving up as soon as I get a job.  That way I'll at least have the comfort of knowing that it'll go away eventually.

That makes a lot of sense.  Maybe it would become more noticeable.  I know it's not the best thing to do, but I'm sure you understand how stressful this is.  I would do anything to just make it go away.

Thanks a bunch for your advice  and I'll be waiting to hear how your surgery went!

[i_dont_know]

I really should try and bring it up to him.  I just have to think of how to start up the conversation.  And it would be a good idea to learn more about it, since I just found out what gynecomastia IS.  Maybe he would take it well, and at least offer some help.  And yes, the sad truth is that surgery is the only option...

I plan on saving up as soon as I get a job.  That way I'll at least have the comfort of knowing that it'll go away eventually.

That makes a lot of sense.  Maybe it would become more noticeable.  I know it's not the best thing to do, but I'm sure you understand how stressful this is.  I would do anything to just make it go away.

Thanks a bunch for your advice  and I'll be waiting to hear how your surgery went!

Like I said, it certainly can't hurt to find out! The worst thing I did was stress over not knowing how to bring it up to one of my parents or anyone in general for years and years. I can't even begin to tell you how much I wish I just said something about it years ago.. but the bottom line is I didn't and I can't change that. All I can do is be happy that I didn't wait even longer. Some guys wait till they're in their 40's... I'm glad that I'm still fairly young. You're even younger so now is the best time to be active about it. I 100% know the feeling, man. You'd do anything in the world to just wake up one day and have it be gone or find out some medical breakthrough that will get rid of it without surgery.. to have that flat, normal chest that you feel like all your friends have. I can't believe it's been 10 years now for me feeling that way. I'm so ready to get it all removed once and for all.

It is really hard to just bring it up out of nowhere, but once you do.. you actually realize that it's SO easy to talk about because it's something you've likely been keeping to yourself for years (just like for most of us!). Once you start talking about it, you feel the urge to just get all of it off your chest (pun intended!) and all of a sudden you find yourself feeling relieved that you're finally telling someone about it. I basically just told my father I needed to talk to him about something, so we went out for a bite to eat together and I just told him the truth... that when I was around 14, a mass of tissue developed under my nipples and that it almost went away completely on its own on one side but there was still a decent amt of gland on the other side and that for years I had to avoid certain situations, hated going to the beach, couldn't go in pools, couldn't wear a lot of t-shirts I wanted to wear... he completely understood and supported me completely.

A TON of people on this site post about their gyne and how stressful and uncomfortable it is.. and a lot of them that have the surgery, get the surgery and never post again. Likely because all of a sudden this issue that had been a burden for years and years is no longer an issue. Once they've been freed from all of the stress and shame they feel about their chests, they have no need to post here anymore. I'd like to be one of the people who DOES come back to talk about my experience after the surgery and hopefully encourage as many people as I can because I know first hand how miserable this condition can make us. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.. and I finally see it!

Hope this has all been of some help to you. I'll certainly be posting about my experience in about 2 weeks to let anyone who wants to know hear all about how it went. It's kind of nerve racking but at the same time completely exciting to think that something that has been plaguing me for TEN years now is finally about to come to an end for the rest of my life.

[Paa_Paw]

• Talk to your Dad. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
  
  While many medical insurance plans do not cover surgery for Gynecomastia, some do cover it. As a 17 year old, you would be still covered by your parents insurance. This is coverage you may lose on your 18th birthday unless you remain a full time student.
  
  Likewise, your medical care is a family issue now, but your own private issue when you are 18.
  
  Your Dad probably knows more already than you give him credit for. He may never raise the issue himself because he does not wish to embarrass you. This means that if the issue is to be brought up at all, You must be the one to do it.
  
  If he is sympathetic, you have everything to gain. If he is not sympathetic, you have lost nothing.

[Ike]

@ i_dont_know: I can't begin to tell you how helpful you've been today  I hope I can find some way to just break the ice and get it out there, at least so he knows.  I really don't want to wait a long time, so if there's a chance I can get it taken care of sooner...That would just be awesome.  And yes, I would like to have the flat chest that all my friends have...ALL of them!  It looks like misfortune singled me out and kicked me in the stones...And I would like to wake up to find the gyne gone.  Especially when I think about how much more outgoing something like that would make me...

XD And the pun made me laugh by the way

I hope you do decide to stick around after you get your surgery.  I'm sure you'd do a lot of good 

@ Pea_Paw:  You're right, I do have everything to gain...Maybe I'll be a little embarrassed talking to him about it, but it's worth it.  And I didn't know that some insurance covered gyne surgery.  Is there any way to check?

Thanks a lot

[i_dont_know]

Ike -

Not a problem. You kind of remind me of myself when I was that age and how I felt about gynecomastia, except you seem much more willing to DO something about it whereas I kept deliberating and finding excuses not to. I'd be miserable every summer when everyone went to the beach and I'd say to myself "this winter I need to look into surgery and get it done so that I don't feel like this again next year".. and I did that for years. Except at the same time, there was a part of me who refused to believe that surgery was the only option. I insisted in my head that really soon, some sort of pill or cream was going to become available to solve it... or I thought maybe Tamoxifen would work for me even though it won't resolve my type of gyne... none of this thinking was realistic. Finally this time I decided I wasn't going to wait any longer and I did something about it. Even got my surgery scheduled early enough to be able to go shirtless at the beach for a good portion of THIS summer.

Just know that as much as you feel like you're alone in this whole thing, you're not. Like myself and Paa_Paw have said, it would be a good decision to speak to your father about this whenever you feel comfortable enough to do so. Worst thing that could happen is that he doesn't help you. Best case (and more likely) is that he WILL help you to some degree and you end up gyne-free much sooner than you think!

[Grandpa Bambu]

What am I supposed to do?  It's not like I can walk up to my dad, say "Hey dad, I have breasts, and the only way to get rid of them is to pay for an expensive surgery that isn't covered by insurance!"

Just tell your dad that you have M.A.C.E...  I've heard it's much easier to talk about when you call it that! 

Seriously though...  If you are dreading a one-on-one talk with your dad about your G, just sit down and write a short note to your dad about your predicament. When you write a note, you can express yourself without all the stress/anxiety that a one-on-one confrontation would create. You have unlimited time to decide exactly what you want to say. You have the time to go into a bit of detail regarding the condition/your situation. Were as if you were to do it face-to-face, you probably wouldn't go into much detail. Also, you get to say what you want, how you want, 'uninterrupted'!

In addition, your dad has the time to let it sink in and possibly do a bit of his own research of the condition on the Net. It's a win/win ice breaker!!! 

The written word can be very powerful!

GB

[Wayne1985]

Ike, I think most people on this board would agree that you should get it done as soon as possible for your mental health.

I wish I had done something about it in college, because I am a graduate now and in the workforce, and it is difficult to get the surgery when you have to work five days a week.  In college, however, you could easily get the surgery over Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, Spring break, etc.

Go for it, buddy!

[Grandpa Bambu]

I wish I had done something about it in college, because I am a graduate now and in the workforce, and it is difficult to get the surgery when you have to work five days a week. 

Holidays/sick days/LOA???

GB

[PSC0002]

Ike, I think most people on this board would agree that you should get it done as soon as possible for your mental health.

I wish I had done something about it in college, because I am a graduate now and in the workforce, and it is difficult to get the surgery when you have to work five days a week.  In college, however, you could easily get the surgery over Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, Spring break, etc.

Go for it, buddy!

I took a medical Leave of Absence.  Not really sure about the details of it - but I believe it should be covered under FMLA (Family medical leave act)  Talk to your HR person about it.  I know if I had a desk job I could have returned in 3-4 days.  I had surgery on Friday and felt well enough to easily work on Wednesday, but I have a physically intensive job, so I took off the 6 weeks suggested by my PS. 

Like I said, talk to your HR department/person.  I told my boss I was having surgery and didn't ever have to reveal what I was having done until I phoned a out-of-state insurance rep.