Side to my story I never shared before

[nothingworse]

Thanks to all of you who posted their humiliating and worst stories I can finally post mine. I just want to get everything off my chest and am finally not going insane thinking I am the only one. I some people are probably sick of reading everyone of them but, its help taking some time away from the pain and the bs of everyday life. This story goes back to when it all began before it got physically painful. At age 11. I remember I was at my best friend nicks house and he had a bunch of people he knew over and many of those people were also my friends. I remember we were playing some kind of funny impression game. I was chosen to do an impression of my 5th grade gay teacher (no offense to anyone on this board). So my teacher used to walk really far back with his chest and stomach sticking far out. So this is basically the starting point of all of it. So I did the impression and all of the sudden one of the kids I knew grabbed my nipple and said whoa you got some big a** titties. They continued to make fun of me about it for about half an hour before it died down. Being a younger kid at the time I just laughed with it and didn't go nuts about it. But, when I got home I looked and noticed something was wrong but, my nipples and my chest had more of a mild case of gyne. And they called those big. I can imagine the rude things they would say to a person with severe gyne. So, I believe I was a little pudgy between ages 11-13. Then I started skinning out. still had the gyne though. So the years of 11-13 my friends would laugh and call me names about it relentlessly. So i stopped being friends with nick about at 13 and he comes back to my house again a few months after and appoligizes and were friends again. I was stupid thinking times would change. I went to his house one day and his older brother and his friends were there. So, one of them named andy comes up to me and says whats your name, "oh let me guess the one with the big a** titties. I wanted to just stick him in the face but, he was much bigger and older than me. So that was my name for years and I eventually stopped hanging out with 99% of my friends. My only true friend was my friend named David who was my friend since I was born. We were both babysitted at the same place and became great friends over the years. I am still good friends with him today and he was the only friend in my entire life which I always hung around with everybody but, wasn't really there friends, that never cared or made fun of me about gyne. With my low self-esteem I had problems getting girl friends so he helped hook me up and because of him I at least had a few. At about 15 I started working out and soon after my gyne became painful and now I am 17 hoping to get surgery within the next month. This was amazing though I had a dream about that day at Nicks house on Tuesday this week. I still think about that everyday and can just hear the taunting voices and the laughter. Now that I can't work out anymore and can only lift very light items I have to get this taken care of. Before I couldn't work out anymore I had improved my gyne in my opinion significantly I thinned out and felt so much better about myself but, still could never be satisfied or even think about living with this. I still see Nick sometimes at school and when I rarely am outside and go by his house. I talked to him a while a go and he said nothing about my chest. My gyne is not nearly gone and there is so much gland not fat underneath just all over that I probably have the size of a tennisball under there. It used to be soft but, working out helped that although the only other thing is my nipples are puffy everyday and have never settled down and only look better when they are erect. I just want to feel normal again and have a normal chest. Tears flow down my face every time I remember what a nice chest I used to have. My acne was a large struggle in my life which was destroyed by my parents endless attempts to cure it. That was beaten but, it took to long. I can't wait anymore. If insurance denies my coverage I can gaurantee the shit will go down and I mean in court. I will take out a loan and pay for my surgery and then go and fight the insurance company. Insurance companies need to learn there are other things than cancer and other life threatning diaseses that can kill a person inside and out. Gyne has destroyed and effected so many people "It needs to be stopped". My mom just got her thyroid removed right away and it was covered by insurance right away. Thyroid is a bigger issue than gyne but, if the insurance companies will cover thyroids because they are effecting people physically and mentally, then why can't gyne be covered. My parents always ask me why I am always staring into space. I tell them it is nothing but, maybe after all this time I am finally going insane. Don't know can't stop thinking until I win doing no matter what it takes. My next post should be after I see the surgeon. The clock is ticking and time is running out. It's now or never I can't do this another year. My heart goes out to everyone on this forum and if anyone of you ever need any help in the future regarding anything let me know. Words can't describe how each one has helped me and others out. Without all of you nothing would be possible but, because of people like you anythings possible.

[ASRel]

Wow.. that was a long read..

Anyway nice to hear your story. Yeah I agree with you in that I think Gyne removal should be covered by insurance. I'm a Canadian (Ontario), so everything except for the lyposuction is covered by OHIP, I'm assuming you're in the States.

Everyone here's been through the same sort of stuff here, we all know what it's like. Although I haven't really been taunted in a serious way about it ( a random wise crack every now and then from friends, but that's it ). The worst thing for me when I was in my teens was that I was very, very conscious about it, and that destroyed my social life in high school. My Surgery is booked on the 24th of August, and I know I'll get a surge of confidence.

[nothingworse]

Thanks for the reply. Yes I am in the states and have aetna insurance. Someone just said that they also only cover gland removal. I would probably pay the extra money for lipo though. I have to get both don't want to ever go back for a second surgery. And usually the results are not good just getting excision rather than both. I hope I can get my surgery booked by the same time you are or earlier. Its running close now. Anyways, good luck with your surgery and I hope it turns out satisfactory for you. Thanks

[Badgene]

I liked your story. It speaks for so much of us. I don’t know if its a problem with my mind or just part of who I am but I have a really intense long term memory and I remember just about every single terrible encounter thing/event/episode I have had my entire life and for some reason that’s all I can remember now. I don’t know why I remember all the terrible things so well but it’s just that way. When I look back on it I feel like I was robbed of having a normal childhood and by normal I'm talking average. Standing out is my life, which I hate so much. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that as a kid I was naturally as shy and sensitive as can be. I swear to you I was such a generous simple hearted kid but my mind and heart were mutilated by the events that shaped my present life. I was 18 before I ever even had a friend outside of school. My conversation mates were just the lunch table crew that made light of my condition every day. They were messed up as well. None of us had ever even touched a girl. Once one of them asked me if they could feel my chest up just for fun. I was repulsed by the request. But no matter how much I tried to convince them that they weren’t anything like the real thing from what I can tell in porno’s and they would ask me terrible stuff like if I touched them when I master baited. Which of course I didn’t. They hold no sexual desire for me. Just two lumps of hellish flesh that I fantasize about being sliced off in a terrible accident. At this point I don’t care about my nipples they can have them. I would do anything to just at least look normal in a shirt.

By the end of a school day I would be so enraged by my daily taunting I swear to you I was angry enough to literally kill the next person that crossed me. I would wish death on anyone that made me feel like that and spend the rest of the day fantasizing about my taunting classmates death. But you know what would happen the next day when I woke up? All the anger would disappear and I would somehow bottle it up and forgive them in my mind and chalk it up to society’s fault or for being ignorant kids. But my patients have since dwindled and every step I take since I graduated is a step further from that hell I will never forgive. I’m very angry and awkward now. Not the person in the mirror that could have been given the chance of a luckier draw of the pot. It shouldn’t have been like this. I don’t like my mind body or home. Sometimes I feel like this was a botched attempt on life but the only ones I really feel sorry for are my poor parents.

[nothingworse]

Dude, that totally sucks. I can agree with you on most of those points. I also had sick dreams of them being cut off. Some times I would think about them so much I would take a kitchen knife and start trying to cut into them myself. But, the pain was too much and I knew that was stupid. I didn't even want to leave my room anymore and if any of the few friends I have came over I would avoid them at any cost. I feel this is like a full time business thinking about my breasts. Man, if the insurance companies would only take the time to read these posts on the boards they would think something is really wrong. I was never really that religous but, would pray to god everynight that these nightmares would be gone the next morning. Now I realise there is only one thing to finally beat these and thats surgery. I am going to fight to get it done, I just don't care anymore this condition is just not tolerable. My parents ask me why I never go out with any of my friends anymore, I just tell them there is not a point anymore fun can't be considered fun until you are normal. I wish I could put a smile on my face but, thats about the hardest thing for me to do in my life. Anyways, I wish you good luck in your life and am so sorry to hear you had to endure all of that bs. There may be so many people with this condition and some people may say it is normal now. But, I can tell you I know what a real male chest is suppose to look like. All studies and everything points to one real answer a flat chest that looks normal in a shirt. Not a chest that looks like you have balloons sticking out. Or a chest that never felt normal. Anybody that says they can live with this I would say is lying. I have so much gland under my chest that I can't even flex the bottom of my chest but, it is painful to do so anyways. All I know is the chest is the strongest muscle in the male body but, a guy with gyne looks physically weak and not normal to the rest of the men in the world with normal chests. That masculine chest just gives you your masculinity back. Seeing my specialist is soon aproaching but, the wait has already felt like forever and to wait another 6 months would be like suicide.

[Badgene]

My parents ask me why I never go out with any of my friends anymore, I just tell them there is not a point anymore fun can't be considered fun until you are normal.

When I speak like that to my parents they just ask me if I'm taking my medication. It’s such a horrible thing to say to someone I find it incredibly frustrating. You have a problem?? Oh take these pills? Still problem?? Take more pills! Its just some anti depressants but I find they don’t work well. They are all designed to fix chemical imbalances in the brain like for those people that just have depression for no reason. I don’t think they work as well on depression for the people with lives that actually do suck...