My name is Brandon and I am 38 years old. I live in southern California, in the Greater Los Angeles area, where the ocean, mountains and desert are all within an hours drive and the weather is typically mild almost all year round. I am an Airport Customer Service Agent for a major airline. I love to travel, and my career has allowed me to travel frequently, and to many amazing and beautiful places. I love hiking in the mountains, but I also love the ocean and the beach. I have been fortunate to have traveled to Hawaii many times, as well as many Mexican beach and Caribbean destinations. It’s unfortunate, when I have traveled to these amazing places, that I rarely even venture into the beautiful waters.
I am hoping in a few months that I will no longer be afraid to go into the water, be it the beach, a pool, or a hot tub. No, I don’t have a fear of water. Contrary to what my friends might think, I actually love water, pools, and the beach. The easiest way to make me avoid a social function, however, would be if it was a pool party. I avoid any type of activity where everyone wears a swimsuit, where I might be expected to take my shirt off. I want to avoid at all costs any stares, looks, or comments from anyone who might see my bare chest.
I don’t take my shirt off because of my chest. Since puberty, I have had larger than normal breasts. In adulthood, I learned there was actually had a term for my condition. This term is Gynecomastia. I don’t remember exactly how old I was when it began to be a problem, but I remember my best friend and I talking about our “boobs” when we were about 14. Fortunately for my friend, his went away. It’s common for boys to have this problem I now know, but for most of them, it’s just a temporary part of growing up. For me it was not. One of my earliest memories where it really bothered me was when I was 14. At the time, I lived in the Midwest and was visiting family here in California. We went to the beach and the pool, and my younger relatives made some comment, something like “you’ve got boobs.” They found it quite amusing. I did not. My younger cousin and niece did not mean it in a hurtful way at all, but it was very hurtful and was the only the beginning of my long of time dealing with Gynecomastia.
It’s very difficult emotionally, growing up as a boy with boobs. Though it’s been quite a long time ago for me now, I was teased growing up. Having Gynecomastia takes away much your self-confidence. In my case, I avoided almost any situation that would require me to remove my shirt, whether it would be water sports, or even regular sports or intimacy. Growing up, I honestly knew of no one else who had this problem. That makes one feel very alone. In my youth, I wore a jacket nearly all day long when it was winter, and probably as long into the spring as I could get by. I lived in the Midwest then, so the winters could be a long season, lucky for me. If I didn’t wear a jacket, I wore loose-fitting shirts, button-up collared shirts were the best to hide my chest. I also know I had terrible posture growing up, as I stood with my shoulders held in, to hide my chest. I often wonder if this helped contribute to the back pain I experience today. I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about my chest, not even my family. Of course they had to know about it, but we never talked about it. I never knew surgery to correct it existed back then, and even if I did, my family could not have afforded it.
I somehow survived high school and college, and did well academically. I struggled off and on with my weight into adulthood. I was never thin, but I was never extremely overweight, but I honestly believed for many years if I lost a lot of weight and worked out enough that I could cure my Gynecomastia. Over the years, I learned that though losing weight would indeed make my breasts smaller, it would never solve my problem completely. It took many years for me to realize that my breasts were not my fault, and any amount of diet and exercise were not going to “cure” me.
About fifteen or so years ago, when the internet was fairly new, by surfing it I found out my condition did have a name (Gynecomastia), and that there were actual surgeries to correct it. At the time, I still lived in the Midwest, and the doctor I found was in southern California. I ordered a brochure (back then the internet was very basic) and kept it for many years, hoping someday I might be able to save enough money to have the surgery, even if it was in a far away place.
Dealing with Gynecomastia as an adult was a little easier I suppose. I guess it seems easier to deal with because I adapted my lifestyle to deal with it the best I could. One of the ways I dealt with it was the choice of clothing I wore. Typically, baggy clothing worked best, as one might think. I never wore anything tight around my chest and rarely a t-shirt. My favorite shirt of choice over the years was a button-up collared shirt. The bowling shirt style or Hawaiian shirt style were my favorite, as they were okay to wear not tucked in. If I wore a shirt that needed to be tucked in, I had to buy a larger size to accommodate my upper chest, so there was always lots of material hanging out above my waist. When shopping for clothes, it was mandatory that I had to try everything on, as was very difficult getting clothing to fit well. I rarely wore t-shirts or any kind of clothing that was all cotton, or knit, as my chest would not be hidden.
A few years ago (thanks again to the internet) I actually learned about compression shirts…tight fitting t-shirts and tank tops that compressed your chest. The tight fabric of the compression shirts make your chest compressed and keep your breasts from flopping around. These shirts cost from about $20-35 each, but when I started wearing them, it made me feel so much better and confident about myself. I was even able to wear clothing that I stopped wearing years ago, such a t-shirts and polo shirts.
Wearing compression shirts has become part of my daily life and routine, just like putting in my contacts or wearing eye glasses. I rarely leave my home without a compression shirt or compression tank top on underneath. I have an entire drawer of different styles and colors of them. Although they have helped me tremendously, wearing a compression shirt every day was very uncomfortable, and I often would dread doing it. I would often say to myself “time to put your bra on.” Although wearing compression shirts is an alternative to surgery and providing a better quality of life (as it has for me) it doesn’t fix all situations, and they are very uncomfortable. I am so looking forward to throwing them out.
A compression shirt doesn’t help out in the social situations such as water activities, or even confidence with intimacy. I have gone in pools or the ocean over the years, but I would almost always have a t-shirt or tank top on. It’s not such a big deal going in, but when you come out of the water, it’s like a very unpleasant wet t-shirt contest. I admit I was asked to leave a hot tub once, because I had “non-swimwear” (t-shirt) on, which was not allowed.
I’ve lived in a community with a pool for the last 12 years, and haven’t been in the pool once. I have been fortunate to travel to many beautiful beach destinations, such as Mexico, Hawaii and the Caribbean. I have admired a lot of beautiful inviting pools and beaches that I never set foot in. I often think about how much fun it would be to enjoy being in a hot tub with my friends. I long to enjoy those places and things like most everyone does, but I rarely do, because I don’t want anyone to see me and my chest. I have spent many times laying out at the beach or pool with my tank top on. As I said, I will occasionally go in the water with my tank top on, but it’s not very attractive when I come out.
It feels so nice to be in the water without a shirt on. On rare occasions, when it’s dark, or a pool is completely deserted, I would venture in without a shirt. If I’m there in the water without a shirt, and someone shows up, I suddenly get terrified, and have to plan my exit very carefully. I will exit the water when hopefully no one is looking, and often will cover my chest with my arms until I can get a towel over myself.
Because of my Gynecomastia, I avoided any situation where I would have to take off my shirt. I went for a period of over ten years of adulthood without visiting a doctor for even a check up (even though I had health insurance). I stayed away, mainly because it was inevitable that in an exam, I would have to take off my shirt, and that would be traumatic. About three or four years ago, I was finally gave in to persuasion and did go for an exam. That moment did arise when he asked me to take off my shirt. This was my moment of complete dread. I remember saying something out loud like “this is the part I really don’t like.” My doctor was very compassionate to my situation, and has suggested over time more than once that I might want to consider the surgery to correct the Gynecomastia. My response was often that I really did want to do it, but I was just waiting till I lose more weight.
Why did I decide to finally have a consultation and to have the surgery to correct Gynecomastia? It was a combination of many things. The main reason is that I finally accepted the fact that diet and exercise alone was never going to correct my chest, and I was not getting any younger. My Primary Care Physician’s support of a surgery decision was helpful to me. After unsuccessfully trying to save enough for my surgery for years, I also found affordable financing that was available to me, which helped me make the final decision to go for the consultations.
After I made the decision to go in for a consultation, I did a lot of research on line. I wanted to make sure that the surgeon I chose specialized in Gynecomastia, so I could put my complete trust in a most positive result. I came upon
Dr. Cruise's website. I liked that he was very specialized in this type of surgery, and I also liked that he seemed to show compassion towards his Gyneomastia patients. The consultation was a very positive experience for me. After a few days, another consultation with another surgeon, and a few answered questions, I made the decision to set a surgery date with
Dr. Cruise.
I have hopes of someday being about to completely enjoy going to a pool, hot tub, or beach. To do so it would mean being able to take off my shirt without complete fear. It would be nice to be able to buy clothes that hang right and fit well, and not have to wear a compression shirt every day. I dream of having self-confidence and not worrying about whether someone notices how big and abnormal my chest is. I am hoping for the very best results as possible with this surgery. I hope after it’s all over that I can tell young men not to wait to have it done, to do it while you’re still young, so you can enjoy your youth completely as you should. I will be having my surgery in January 2013.
Topic: My Gynecomastia Story - Surgery at 38 years old - January 2013 (Read 8028 times)
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