First off, to get you reference of size, I'm between Type 5 and Type 6 seen in the link below. I'm 31 years old. I know this is long and I'm sorry about that, but I kind of need to vent.
(Well, I guess I can't post a link. But if you image search on google "gyno types" it's the first one to come up.)
Since I about 10 is when I started overeating and never really gave any thought about it until I was 275lbs (5'10). Up until this I knew I had man boobs, and was made fun of for it, but I always just thought everything would go back to normal once I decided to loose the weight. Well I committed myself to a diet and lost about 50lbs, I think that did help some, but not a huge difference. Anyway, I gained all the weight back, lost some, gained some, and finally was down to about 205 and started eating a bunch of junk food and it seems like alot the weight I gained from it went to my chest (Up to 220 now)
This has me now severely depressed. The recent weight gain has opened my eyes to how bad my chest is. It's never bothered me like it is now. It's all I think about and now I'm consumed by it. Every movement I make I can feel them since they've actually started to droop and make a fold. I keep comparing myself to others--about how horrible my chest looks and how much I wish I could look like them. I'm so ashamed of it...makes me feel like less of a man.
I'm seeing my family doctor next week about going on an anti-depressant to help lift the depression and social anxiety (other things are going on as well that have been making me depressed).
This is my first time ever talking about it. What makes it all worst is I know this is my fault. I've ruined my body and no amount of diet and exersize will make them go away. They'll only droop more and more with weight loss and time.
I'm extremely self conscious about this. I'm not with anyone so I really don't have anyone super close to talk to about this. I think I'll have to bring it up with my parents (is that a good idea at my age?). If I do get surgery at least one person would have to know to drive me anyway I suppose.
I've convinced myself 3 or 4 times that I'm definitely going to get the surgery thinking living with the scars will be better than living with a large chest. I'm relatively young...I have a lot of years left that I could live without this.
Another thing I wanted to get some insight on is if I did get the surgery I'd plan it in such a way that no one would know (except for whoever drives me). But, because my case is so severe, I think after I started hanging around people again they would notice my chest has instantly disappeared, which might bring some comments I wouldn't be able to answer to. How would I deal with this? Just wear loose clothing for a while?
I really hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I feel like a freak because of how bad they are, and I'd feel like a freak if I got a surgery that would be very obvious, so I'm just left feeling completely helpless at the moment.
This is so hard...I'm just a mess over it.
Thank you for any help/advice you can give. I don't know how I'll get through this, but I will somehow.