I can't say just how much this site has changed by life for the better. Seriously. I can't! But in six days, I'll finally be that much closer to finding out. This has been a long, emotionally-draining journey, but the worst of it is about to be behind me, once I've had my operation Monday morning. I've had gyne since I was 13, when these large hard rocks had suddenly decided to take up residency on my otherwise flat chest. I had my dad take me to the physician to get them checked out (a visit he now says he doesn't recall, amazingly, in contrast to the horror I was experiencing), and the doc said something to the effect of, "Hormones. Meh. It's normal and will probably go away eventually." Thanks a lot, doc.
Fast forward almost twenty years, and I finally realized that eventuality was never going to become reality. Not from working out, diet, pills, or creams, at least. I accepted surgery was my only viable option. This is a very personal decision process unique to each individual, but for me I felt I had been robbed of my true body that fateful year. Life goes on, of course, and I somehow managed to push it to the back of my mind... most of the time. I haven't allowed this condition to completely deprive me from enjoying the simple pleasures any young man should be able to freely enjoy. But shirts are a constant struggle. I'm never comfortable when a woman touches my chest. Thank god at least my nipples are willing to make a brief cameo when I get in the ocean, so I don't feel quite so self-conscious! Man, looking back, I see all those odd expressions on people's faces (and believe me, I specifically remember more than a few), and I'm stunned I've been able to shut it out of my mind this long.
It wouldn't be such an issue if I still lived in the northwest, where thick shirts and coats are the norm. Obviously, that's a different world from Los Angeles. And as a classically trained singer, I can no longer afford the inhibition my gyne has caused me. My posture, my confidence, and my ability to communicate effectively with an audience have all suffered. It's really incredible to me that it's taken me this long to recognize my denial. Once again, I speak only for my own self, and there's no better word I can find for how I was able to ignore my own suffering for so long, than denial.
Now, like I said, I am six days out. This past month since I scheduled surgery has felt like the longest in my life. I had been working out diligently, to great effect (thank you, kettlebells!) up until about two months ago, and that's when it really hit me that I would never get rid of these babies, and that any good I did would create even less flattering results in my chest area. I feel like the Emperor in new clothes who finally realized the joke was on him. It pains me that I still feel so much shame so close to the big day, but soon I'll be able to thankfully put that behind me, and move on to having the body I've always had the potential for.
I honestly can't thank you good chaps enough for contributing to this site and, consequently, the mental well being of myself and so many more who have already, and who have yet, to find the wisdom and support within. All these years I've blatantly had gynecomastia, and yet never had I heard the word or what can be done about it. People simply don't like to talk about this "type of thing," whatever that is. My dad, as I said, claimed to never really notice, once I confided in him about my realization and intent. He was rather distant and condescending, and made it clear he wasn't going to be any source of comfort as I went through this process, though he said all this as politely as he could manage. Thankfully, I do have a few friends I have been able to bring myself to confide in. Most of them were surprised at first, but totally understood why it would be so important to me, and have been nothing but supportive. I even have one incredibly gracious family member who was willing to lend me a sizable loan (of which I will promptly pay back), so that I could get this done asap and "be happy." We should all be so lucky to have family and friends like that! It's funny how situations like this can really teach you new things about people you've known for years, and give you an opportunity to bond that otherwise you would have never had.
I feel like this is just the tip of the iceberg of all I could say, but it's enough for now. Thank you!
Topic: 20 Years Down... 6 Days to go! (Read 1677 times)
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