To Birdie: First, I hope your medical issues get cleared up. I do not wish such on anyone.
Normally, "when you hear hoofbeats think horses and not zebras."
In my case it would be a heard of satyress
To WPW717:
As I previously stated, there have been many markers in my life that indicate a distinct sexual aspect to my body that is not fully explainable through the normal tendencies of diagnosis.
When born I had an undescended left testicle.
At 3 years old (1971) they tried to operate and have it pushed down into my scrotum. This was a failure, and discussions of a "hernia" was made. This lends (though I cannot recover my medical records to see) that I had a possible inguinal hernia. Because of the horrendous way records in New Mexico are kept, it is impossible to know.
At 5 years old conversations by family were whispered regarding my "medical condition" when I did hear it. My family was old school and was taught not to 'speak of such things in polite company or children". During this time a trip to Seattle yielded a new pair of swim trunks i was to wear that was purchased (I want to say at Bellas Hess) but I may be wrong. Regardless, when trying them on, I distinctly remember looking at the inside crotch area and seeing a smooth shape. I looked at my male parts and wondered why they were there. An instinctive aspect told me that they were not suppose to be there.
Throughout my school years, outside the bullying and teasing, I found myself in a constant "hide mode" that everything I was attracted to was not male but female.
I took up Home-ec. twice, sewing classes twice and wanted nothing to do with PE because the constant bullying and "last chosen" syndrome made me deeply despondent to everything around me.
At about 8 or 10 years old (that time frame) my sister and one of her friends dared me to try on my sisters (moderately) high heeled Thigh High Go Go boots, thinking I would stumble around in them. I had no issues walking or even dancing in them. And if your old enough to remember them, they typically had chunky heels in comparison to the needle thin things of today.
I never went out for sports because it was physically too challenging and I was never attracted to or fell into the "boy world" of wrestling and aggressive 'boy habits".
A strong attraction to women's clothing.
I was heavily teased by my fellow students by way of accusations I was gay, acted like a girl, wasn't aggressive, shunned by the girls BTW, and was told on many occasions how some of the boys wanted me to "blow them" so i could see how large their manhood was, and besides they saw me a gay anyway.
At 17 when they snookered me into the US Army (long story) I had to have an otectomy of the left side because the testi never descended and was in a bad shape.
My attraction to girls have always been strong, but have always felt a different connection outside the sexual aspect.
I do not have children, despite having unprotected sex with around 12 women. (And thankfully enough, I don't have any STDs).
A constant habit of trying to compare my ability to look curvy in clothing, when I dont have the fat distribution.
I have multiple physical markers that stand out:
No Adams Apple.
Very subdued and practically no discernable brow ridge.
Collar bone structure that isnt typically V shaped like a male, but more straight.
Constant popping of the collar bone, especially on the right side.
Unusually large hands and feet in proportion to my body.
Hands though large are actually female shaped. I have the "hitchhikers thumb". (It curves outward rather than straight).
2D-4D deficiency. My ring finger is shorter by 1 mm than my index finger on both hands.
Wrist 'abnormalities" in that my wrists have a tendency to curve downward and are not particularly strong. I have also had minor Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and cannot do repetitive work
involving vibrating tools like weed whackers, trimmers, drills, impact wrenches, etc. It usually induces pain.
"Rounded" though no widened hips.
Lumbar that is strongly arched inward.
A tendency to curve my right leg while walking similar to how women place their legs when walking. My wife noticed this a month ago and commented on how I walk, she finally saw the curving walk.
A tendency to cross legs while standing, and sharply curve legs while leaning on things by putting one leg in front of the other and holding them together very similarly to how women do.
Upper thighs that have a slight female shape to them. (This being the typical front "bulge" on the front portion of the thigh).
Intermittent discomfort in the pelvic area where a woman has her ovaries. The last bought of this pain, my wife instinctively asked me '..feeling the ovaries...?" and said it in a way that was not snarky or jokingly.
A slightly curved leg shape more typical female than male.
Excessively flat feet and dis-proportioned ankle bones.
Large toes that point opposite of the instep.
And of course the boobs.
For the male side:
Wide trapezoidal upper body shape. Very typical male.
Strong leg muscles and muscle structure more akin to sprint runners. Lower leg muscles that develop more male like, but shaped female to a degree.
Strong forearms (this despite the wrist issues).
Male parts between the legs.
Strong attraction to women.
Male shaped upper back.
But one of the main takeaways is that I know when I have a Testosterone spike is because I feel a sudden and highly aggressive flush of energy and a harsh aggressive attitude. It feels like poison to me and I hate it intensely.
I have been training myself to recognize the triggers to minimize the effect.
To this day I still cannot resolve the feeling every time I look downward, that the manhood should NOT be there and where the hell are my hips?
