i guess my problem is that when i see my chest in the mirror and i see other guys' chests, i know something's wrong with mine...
i had my pre-op today, had cold feet about it all, and after thinking about it, i realized my biggest issues are:
1) my chest is oddly huge in relation to my arms (disproportionate size)
2) there's still pinchable fat in my lower chest that i simply cannot get rid of (even when i was thin, it was there - and that's a horrible feeling because most thin guys have flat flat nonpinchable chests)
3) it's really my bone structure that makes my chest look even more prominent (but my bone structure is not something i want to correct with surgery), so any fat on the chest adds insult to injury, so to speak
i asked the doctor at the preop what types of results to expect, and he said that it probably wouldn't be noticeable but that there's a 95% chance i'd be satisfied
i've honestly been having major issues with all of this and am even thinking that i might cancel tomorrow - i might just have an anxiety attack on the spot as they put the IV in me
but a part of me wants to give this a shot, to finally feel like i've tried all that i can to attain that normal chest, to know that i've given it my best shot, and then - once this is all over - to just be OK with accepting how my chest is shaped and accepting this life. at that point, i'll know that i've done everything and that i've hit the end of the road.
again, i honestly cannot see how my chest shape is normal (just logging into this thread with my photos makes me shudder), and i've felt so top-heavy (never really been able to wear tshirts, etc) ever since high school (and i'm now in my twenties)
the doctor i'm going to get the surgery with did tell me at my very first consultation that if this issue didn't bother me, that i shouldn't have the surgery - but that if it was something that bothered me alot, then i should have it...
that hit home with me and is one main reason i'm on my way to surgery
just to give some history - the first doctor i saw was in the LA area, when i lived in california two years ago. she saw my chest, told me that i DIDN'T need to have surgery - although she could perform it, if i really wanted.
at the time, i wasn't sure what i wanted, and so she told me NOT to have the surgery and to be happy about that. if anything, she recommended maybe going to the gym more or getting a personal trainer
when i left her office, i felt somewhat better that i didn't really need surgery, but the next few months, i still couldn't shake my dissatisfaction and shame at my chest - sure i was relieved that i didn't *need* surgery but the prospect of having to continue to live with my weirdly shaped chest felt worse to me (as i'm sure alot of folks can identify with)
so, i left surgery as a last resort, and i did the personal trainer thing a few months later. that became expensive, and so i started working out on my own, trying to be as disclipined as possible, coming in 3-4 days a week, consistently, and focusing on my upper body. in an effort to make sure i was eating enough (i used to be pretty thin and my personal trainer even told me to just eat more), i think i went overboard and gained more weight than i really needed to
the other problem with working out - my gains never really matched my level of commitment and the amount of time i spent weekly. and to this day, i still wonder if my body simply can't handle the type of muscle gains i want - and i have a suspicions that i just grow muscle slower than most people...
i still try to keep a regular gym schedule (each day i go in, i have to my feelings of embarrassment aside - i remember early on, i'd go in with a hoodie and stay in that hoodie the entire time, working out next to guys in their wifebeaters or tees or cut-offs tees or whatever - i built up enough focus and empty headed-ness to just go in with this one shirt that really masks my chest and not care about the weird looks i'd get from all the "normal shaped" guys or whatever... but i still occassionally struggle with feelings of embarrassment at the gym)
most recently, i got blood tests - estradiol, free testosterone - all within "normal" range, but not as high, maybe, as guys who put on muscle easily. i even tried using some testosterone gel - and that, if anything, only helped a marginal amount...
i apologize for this novella, but just wanted to explain where i find myself now and why i feel like i should go through with this surgery - if for no other reason than to exhaust my options...
i know that sounds bad, and i'm still struggling to justify this surgery, to justify the weeks of recovery, the trauma of having to deal with surgery in itself, to justify this emotional stress i'm dealing with right now
if anyone has any encouraging words - from experieence or otherwise - i could certainly use it before really committing to this surgery tomorrow
but at this point, i don't know what else i can do to find some peace and to be OK with my chest
**WORRIER - have you considered the surgery option? or are you planning on just moving forward with your life, as is?
if there's anyone out there who has a similar chest structure and has had some sort of lipo, was it worth it???
i'll definitely keep this updated and i'll try to add photos after the surgery (if i can get myself to go through with it tomorrow)
thanks again for all the responses and the advice