10 hours post op here - thoughts/major ramblings

[dav242]

just had surgery earlier today - i had a milder case of gynecomastia (mainly fat, but disproportionate amounts on my chest, relative to other parts of my body), so i had Lipo-only done  
 
i posted this description on a thread i started in the "User Photos" category, but i figured i should post a summary of it here too -  
 
when i got to the clinic, i was fairly calm but had to wait 20-30 minutes before they called me back into the pre-op room (i think there were a few issues with the surgery case right before me). i started freaking out as i was waiting (even went so far as asking if could reschedule/cancel), but the staff and nurses totally calmed me down  
 
(just as an aside, in deciding on a PS, be sure to also consider the nurses and staff - the more caring the staff, the better the overall experience - they definitely did alot to ease my nerves and make me feel like i was in good hands)  
 
the procedure itself was a BREEZE. the most painful part was during the pre-op, when the nurse injected the numbing agent in my hand before putting in the IV (but even then, it was a quick pinch and then a burning sensation, then some numbness). i didn't even feel the IV go in at all...  
 
i was knocked out pretty quickly after getting anesthetized (i don't even remember at what point i fell asleep - i guess i'm a bit of a lightweight)
 
but the next thing i recall was being in the recovery room, feeling a little bothered by the nurses who woke me to see if i was OK and started dressing me up (i kinda just wanted to go back to sleep...). it took me a few seconds to remember, 'oh yeah, i came in for surgery today. and now it's over!'
 
i felt a little bit like i was getting rushed out after i woke up, but that turned out to be allright since it meant getting home sooner. i was groggy afterwards, a little nauseous on the ride home, felt a little soreness when i got home, but i took some medication, which wasn't all that bad.  
 
if any of you guys have given this operation years and years of thought (like i have) and have simply been miserable living your life with your chest but are having doubts about surgery - don't worry.  
 
surgery really is a breeze (as long as you can calm your nerves), and regardless of what the physical results are, you'll at least find a sense of relief after having it - and i like to think, the rest (how things turn out, etc) is icing on the cake...  
 
of course, a big part of this surgery is how things are going to turn out - i mean, that's why i signed up for it to begin with
 
but over the past few weeks, through my dilemmas in deciding on the *perfect* doctor who could best fix me, i ultimately had to accept that no doctor could ever guarantee the normal, non-pinchable chest shape i've always longed for
 
after seeing 5 doctors (in 2 different states, even) and having crisis after crisis on whether or not to do this and who to do surgery with and when to do it, i ultimately decided that i should do this for my own sense of peace, to quiet the noise in my head, to put to rest the incessant chatter of 'i need surgery, i need surgery, i need surgery.' and i knew that the sooner i did it, the better.
 
i also realized i couldn't go into it expecting the results to be truly transformative for two reasons:
 
first off, i didn't have an inordinately huge amount of fat on my chest, and so none of the doctors could truly assure me that removing that fat would result in a 100% improvement or a "normal" guy chest.
 
and secondly, i knew that even with the most skilled PS (ie, surgeons who are super well trained and specialize in this particular type of surgery), perfect results are never a guarantee. doctors can only do so much to a person's body. they're not exactly starting from scratch... and, yeah, sometimes, it is JUST genetics (how our genes code where our fat is stored or whether breast tissue forms). human genes have been known to screw people over.
 
(that's not to say that you should take it lightly and go with any old plastic surgeon. as everyone on these boards have advised, you definitely should find a PS who's knowledgeable and skilled at this procedure - that's probably the most important thing. and you'd also want to choose someone well trained - board certified with board certified anesthesiologists, good medical fellowships in relevant fields and several years of experience under his belt)
 
but i went in knowing that any difference - however slight - is better than staying the same. and besides, if i really thought there was no change at all or if it looked worse (god forbid), there's always the revisional surgery...  
 
i'm not saying i don't care about the result. i obviously do, but i know that a big part of this experience for me was going through with the surgery and knowing that i did everything in my control to improve myself, to fix this problem, to quell the thoughts of shame at my chest and how i looked.
 
for most of us, surgery comes at the end of a very long journey - starting with intense shame at our bodes, fear of removing our shirts, feeling abnormal, then moving to this highly methodical concealment of our bodies (wearing only specific oversized sweaters or hoodies or certain button downs, never wearing tees, avoiding pool parties or having an arsenal of excuses for not going to the beach with friends). Then comes obsessively trying to build muscle or lose weight, followed by questioning our hormones, getting blood work done (on multiple occassions), and then trying out testosterone gels. And if none of that resolves it, we ultimately find ourselves at the last resort - surgery.
 
but from this entire experience, i can say that the hardest part truly is getting to the surgery and dealing with all the stress and emotional pain up til then - hitting walls, feeling like nothing's changing, feeling alienated, feeling screwed over by my genes.
 
the surgery really is the easiest part (albeit nerve wracking at first, not to mention a big financial investment).
 
but it's worth it - if not just for the results, then for the feeling of having this burden lifted off your chest (so to speak), knowing you've done everything in your power to improve yourself
 
for me, this difficult journey towards surgery brought about an acceptance of my body, of my chest, as it is. and of course, with the surgery came the prospect that i might possibly see some improvement in shape and feel good about that.  
 
but what i understand now, having had this surgery and waiting to see how things heal, is that thoughts of, "what if it's the same, what if it's worse, what if the scars are bad, etc" - those concerns don't change the fact that i've given it my all and saw this thing through to the surgical end...  
 
the physical changes to my chest - whatever they may be - only add to the sense of peace that i feel now, knowing that i gave it my best effort and took advantage of all my options...
 
and, in the grand scheme of things, that knowledge, for me at least, really was worth the price of admission...

[Tired]

Good post and an interesting read. I hope i can come through the OP as well as you did in terms of calmness.

I hope your result turns out great and that you can put those excuses for beach parties on the shelf/toilet.