What gyne has done to me (complaining/rant) sorry.

[cookie]

Sorry guys.  I need to let this out somewhere.  You don't even have to read or reply.

Only recently, have I become so worried about my gyne.  I've come to the conclusion that it's not going away on it's own.  It's almost as if I'd rather give up on life than do anything about it.  My thoughts are always 'If I were dead, I wouldn't care that I am dead, because I'm dead. I won't have to deal with anything.'

I always feel like crying.  I look good, very very good.  Everything's perfect except my chest.  'Cause one imperfection like this, or one thing abnormal in me like that effects me so much.

This is happening to me at the worst possible time.  I'm 16.  For the first time, there's a girl I like, who likes me.  I have to deal with this.  My chest recently became more noticable.  Nobody's said anything.  I haven't said anything.  I don't want anybody to say ANYTHING.

I've got so much to concentrate on too.  I'm not going into details, but it has a lot to do with school, and my stupidity.  I have one year, the last year in high school to get into Business, in University.
I don't do any drugs, never have.  For the past 2 years, I've been skipping classes, and going home and just sit there, do nothing.  I'm waiting for grade 12, when school 'counts'.  I'm not stimulated at school.  I hate school, except for people.  I love people, even the assholes and the pricks.  They're all great.

I stopped believing in anything.  My parents, and everyone in my family is Christian.  Orthodox.  I refuse to believe any of it.  Nothing.

I seem to have too much pressure on myself.  My teeth are a little crooked.  I don't want braces, because nobody my age has braces.  I want, Invisalign.  Yes, this new way of straightening your teeth. I want it because it's INVISIBLE.  I want to look the best I can.  Right now, I can only tolerate myself.  I can't take a shirt off.  Never.  I did in the ocean on March Break.  That was fun.  But it's gotten worse.  So no.

So now that my 'moobs' have become more noticable, they have become something else to worry about.  Something else to skip school for.  Something else that'll ultimately stop me from having a teenage life, and a future.  Just because I'm worried about what people think of me.  I've been working out slightly so I look better for when school starts. I don't really need to work out.  But I do, and I will.  Sadly, me working on my chest, to make it look better, leads to not looking better.  I have gyne, what can I say?

Plus! Tighter clothing is my thing.  Especially t-shirts.  Apparently I have to buy new shit.  I'll be the kid with the baggy shirt with no sun-tan and the tight pants.  Great.

I haven't told my parents.  I don't think I'll be able to tell them to their face.  This is why I asked my mom to make me a Doctor's appointment.  She asks why.  I say, oh ummm, you know, I think I need a check-up.  I'm planning on sending her out of the room when I go in.  This has never happened.  I've never had to tell her not to be in the room.  I'm going to have to tell my Doc what's up.  I'll tell him my knowledge of gynecomastia.  I'll see if he knows as much as me.  Hopefully he knows more.  HOPEFULLY, he won't send me home crying.  Crying because he's telling me to wait.  Wait 'till I'm older.  That's right.  Because I can just see that coming.  

I see pictures of people here, whose conditions are worse than mine.  Then I see replies like, "That's nothing! Don't worry about it!".
I get all tense inside.  I want to be like everyone else.  Like one of my friends.  They were 'blessed', and they don't have what I have.

I hate having something I have no control over.  Do I deserve it?  Do any of us deserve it?  I'm guilty.  I'm guilty because I went through puberty.  The way I see it, I have a sentence to life in t-shirt, with gyne.

Surgery.  Oh sweet surgery.  Money money money.  My family can pay for it.  That's not the problem.  I just don't want to leave, and have to wait to heal.  People will be saying where's Cookie? I wonder why he can't hang out tomorrow... or why we haven't jammed for a while.  I'd Have to explain why I went for surgery.  This possible girlfriend of mine... she'll invite me to snowboard.  I'll say no, because I am healing.  She'll have to know why.  But will she understand? I don't know.  And who says surgery will go well?  What if I turn out to be the one who does not turn out?  I seem to be lucky enough getting these damn things in the first place.  What if it goes well, but there's one slight problem, and I have to go back?  It's a fucking hassle.  I'm afraid of going in, and doing what needs to be done, then coming out, and it's not done.  Then go through the process again, hooray!  I doubt I'd come back properly even if it's successful.  I'll never ever be like my friends.  The normal guys with the naturally contoured chest.  Their chest will change with their body as the grow, or shrink.  But will mine?  Of course it'll be better, but it will not be the true image.

I think that's all I have to say.  I feel a bit better.  Sorry.  Really sorry.

[ocelot]

don't be sorry, you let it all out, good luck.

[headheldhigh01]

ditto.  

some people use cover stories like cracked rib etc during recovery, your call.  

I'm guilty because I went through puberty.  

that's the stupid thing about gyne:  it picks the worst possible time  

[hiufung88319]

Don't feel sorry.the healing process of the surgery is very fast,you may no do the liposuction.In my case,the surgeon didn't do the liposuction,i still can get prefect result,and after 20 day i can play tennis with no pain.I see many post in there lipo is pain and swelling so i told my surgeon don't do it.

[Grandpa Bambu]

I'm guilty.  I'm guilty because I went through puberty.

That's the stupid thing about gyne:  it picks the worst possible time  

Sheesh really! As if we don't have enough to worry about during puberty....  Our newly developing sexuality, Girls, School, Parents, Siblings etc, etc....

Puberty is a time to become a 'Man' but instead we get m(o)(o)bs.

Arrrrggghhhh!  

Gyne sux!

John.

[gyne3232]

I feel your pain.  Totally sucks.

But keep things in perspective.  You have things better than most people in the world.  You're blessed with a situation where you're worrying aboutr being slightly different than most guys your age instead of how you're going to get your next meal.  Half the world would kill to live in the economic strata where you can rant about anything on a computer, because that means they're not in dire situations.

I'm being dramatic. Sorry.  Just trying to let you know that it's not THAT bad.  And you know what the bets part is?  Your family can afford the surgery.  If you explain it to your mom in an effective way, you'll get the surgery, and then you're gyne problems will be a thing of the past.  A new you.  Lots of people on this boards bemoan the fact that they don't have the $$$ for surgery and probably never will.  It's expensive.  Get it done while your parents will still pay for it.  I'm almost out of Uni and might have to pay for it on my own, which is why I'm planning on telling my mom really soon.

When people ask why you were at surgery, you can tell the truth without revealing anything to embarrass you.  I have this in mind:

#1 Why did you get surgery on your chest?
#2 I had an unusual growth beneath my nipples that had to be removed.
#1 Was it cancerous or whatever?
#2 Luckily not.  Hopefully it won't come back and I'll be just fine!

You don't have to disclose that your surgery was cosmetic more aimed at socially adjusting you rather than worries for cancerous growths.  People will be understanding, or more likely, not even give it a second thought after that.

Good luck!