Well Alright this is my first post so I might by a little long winded but I just really need to get this out and see it all in words. I just recently turned 20 and had this enormous awakening about the role the gyne has played in my life. I guess it began around 12-13. I was overweight at the time yet very physically active and took part in many sports. As I moved later into the teen years I started to detest any of the sports that required changing at the gym or the arena, I had to prepare myself mentally before ever attempt to remove my shirt in front of people. I chose the name redrooster because it felt and still at times feels like you are a rooster throwing your head constantly in every direction looking for the laughs, snickers, or stairs. My confidence and self-esteem were replaced with a rather shattered and confused sense of self. I had very little contact with females because I could never get myself to come to gripps with showing myself physcially. At about 17-18 I lost a great deal of weight because of dieting and exercise. This was huge for my confidence and allowed me to in many ways unleash the personality that lurked under the gyne mask. Unluckily, the gyne did not go away, and remained in a lesser state. This gave me confidence in many other areas of life, but not physical intimacy. I feel like it stripped me of a certain sense of masculinity and caused me to cull my sexual desires. It is as if I am still conciously or unconsciously sabatogging all of my intereactions with females because I know that all contact will end up with me having to show myself and bear the brunt of her judgment. I had a girlfriend who said she was no longer physically attracted to me and it sent me in a tailspin for many a week questioning as to what exactly she meant. And, of course my mind wandered directly to the gyne. I say wandered lightly, that was the first and only thing that came to my mind. I am sure many people can relate to that feeling or that moment that occurs constantly when you wait for the judgement, the first sight of the gyne. I fully understand that you should never give that kind of power to another individual to be your judge, but the reality is I think that in our society it was stolen from us before we could fight back. The dichotomy between the personality that I have developed because of the gyne and the individual that on rare occasions shows its' head is almost a split personality. When aroused that later has almost no diffculty in attracting women whatsoever, I have been told that at times I have a natural aura and a charisma that just draws people to me, but the reality is that for most the time I am living in a gyne reality, that has me almost fear my physical relations with many women because of the possible judgement that could be passed. My mental, spiritual, and sexual growth has been stunted by this. I would like to no longer sabotoge my relations with women and enjoy it all. I want to be able to take control of myself and no longer have this define my confidence in my ability to succeed in all the areas of my life. The mind is a mystical thing and when I was awakened to the extent that gyne had affected every aspect of my life I thought I was nuts. How could something as simple as gyne, extra tissue under the nipple, be the axis on which I lived and saw my life? That I will never know, but the reason I wrote was to ask this whole community where I should go from here? I see the problem but don't really know where or who to go to? Thank you to all the people that work on this website and keep it up for everyone.....Take care,
RedRooster....
