yet another story

[bornagain]

my story goes to show how badly gynecomastia can affect our lives.

i am a 24-year-old male.  i am in great physical shape (save the chest) -- i run prolifically.  i graduated from a great, well-known college -- at the very top of my class.  now i attend the most-selective and competitive academic institution in the world.  i know foreign languages, i know classical music, i know wine, i know philosophy, i know the classics: i know it all.

yet i am insecure as darn.  i can't talk to girls.  hell, i can't even talk to men. the chest is always on my mind.  when a girl asks me to do something, go to the movies, grab dinner, or whatever, i am afraid.  i create excuses to get out.  or i invite other men along to compensate for my lack of company.  i am afraid to pursue women. i am afraid to get to know them.  why?  well, what's the use of getting know a woman?  there's only so much one can do with a woman when he's got gynecomastica.  i think ahead, and i know i'd never be able to hug her -- she'd fill my womanly breasts. if i can't get further than a hug, then why even pursue the relationship in the first place?  because i've stayed away from intimacy in all respects, as i am afraid to get close to someone because of my gynecomastia, i am socially under-developed.  i don't know how to talk seriously with people.  i am constantly worried about my chest.  i undervalue my self as a human being.  as a result, i am submissive.  i try to kiss ass, try to impress people, because i think i am less than everyone else.  i think of myself as less than everyone -- and all this despite my academic and professional accomplishments.  i automatically consider myself less a human than everyone.  i get up in the morning, and the fucking breasts are on my mind all day.  they use 60% of my brain power, and all my actions are geared towards compensating for my breasts: i can't be real.  all my actions are compensation-based -- not real.  they try to compensate for all my breasts.

gynecomastia has not only affected my ability to meet women in the real world, but it has affected my ability to lust over them.  i can't think of women in a sexual way. i cannot even imagine having sex with one.  why?  the second i try to imagine it, i get afraid.  i know it's so far from reality that i cannot even lust.  when i pisture a naked woman, the first thing that comes to my mind is my inability to even get close to her, to even touch her.  why can't i get close or touch?  the breats.  i have breasts.  they're humiliating.  i am anxious and scared.  i can't concentrate on the woman because i am too busy concentrating on my fucking breasts.

i have been given a great life by god.  i live in the most advanced civilization on earth.  i am an incredibly smart and accomplished human being.  yet, i am weak.  i cannot enjoy the fruits of my life.  i cannot for lasting relationships.  i have no security.  i am filled with insecurity.  it's time for them to go.  and they're going. i contacted a few surgeons earlier today.  i cannot live life fully with the breasts.

i just got an e-mail from a female classmate who wanted to go see a movie.  the first thing that came to my mind was fear and anxiety and apprehension.  i can't even attend movies with females because i am so fucking self-conscious of the gynecomastia. what do i do?  i invite other men along.  because i have to keep my distance from her.  i am afraid to get close.  the breats are always on my mind.

they must go.  nay, they WILL go.

[jc71]

bornagain,

I had to read your post twice to make sure I didn't write it. I thought maybe I gave myself a new name and forgot what I wrote. Everything you said rings true for me too. Not as bad now but when I was 24 I experienced very similar feelings.

[headheldhigh01]

second that one, our lives were cut from extremely similar cloth.  except for the difficulty in lusting part  but the self-deprecation bit gets really interesting, i feel like that one's still a big eye-opener for me.  

but it does make a huge diff finding out you're not alone and that this can be dealt with.   if you like her, make sure you don't close the door.  welcome to the boards.  

[Spleen]

Well, if you don't like your chest there's always surgery.  For some that's all it takes to get their head straight, for others it eliminates a point of focus and they find something else to obsess on.  You can prepare your body and your finances for surgery, but at the same time you should prepare your mind for the "after".  You're committed to getting rid of the boobs, you're determined in fact.  You appear to have been determined to excel and learn in school.  Can you focus that same level of determination when it comes to meeting women, asserting yourself in the workplace, etc?  With or without the teats?

Becoming more self-confident and assertive is hard work and requires a change in attitude.  Again, no boobs might be all it takes to inspire a revolution in your life, but my guess is that years of behavior and re-enforcement aren't as easy to reverse as a couple hours on an operating table.  I think what you'll find is that the good feeling that you'll get from challenging and surpassing your fears will encourage you to be even more courageous next time.

[Blarneystoner]

i suggest surgery

[aux513s]

I don't pursue romantic relationships either. I would feel too uncomfortable taking my shirt off in front of a girl I liked.

However, why should you let it stop you from going places with a girl? Explain to her that you just want to be friends and aren't looking for a girlfriend so she won't try to make moves on you.