girl problems?

[reaper33]

i am really attracted to this girl, and she feels the same way, we share a good vibe, i sooo wanna ask her out, but this gyno is holding me back, i know this sounds stupid but, i mean, when i hate myself, how can i expect others to love me. we work at the same place and its really hard for me not to ask her. she is 20 and educated im sure she will understand my problem, but i think its not gonna work in a long run coz i just wear two  outfits to hide gyno and shes getting curios abt it, to make it worse shes big on the party scene, and i simply cant wear party attire. im bound to these two plaid western shirts with pockets on the chest for the past 2 years. im 21, what do you guys thing especially those who are married or dating? 

[chansam]

Dude...it ain't easy that is for sure.  What I used to do is focus more on building comfort and rapport with her before getting into anything sexual.  Be confident.  Ask her out.  Touch her. Kiss her. However, before you get into having sex with her make sure you have a connection with her so she sees you for more than gyne. 

This can also backfire though because if she wants you to step up the physical part of the relationship and you don't, she may think you are not a real man (wussy in other words) for grabbing that ass when you had an opportunity.

If you go clubbing, you can always buy a compression vest or something to hold the gyne back when you are out.  Only problem is if you end up at her place after clubbing/drinking she might get even more weirded out by the vest.

Good luck dude!

[Mr_Nip]

...Only problem is if you end up at her place after clubbing/drinking she might get even more weirded out by the vest.

That's right.  I never was a big fan of wearing compression under my clothes to hide the gyne for that very reason.  I did have a lot more freedom to take off the shirt in the relationship even with my SEVERE gyne because there wasn't a strange compression shirt to have to explain.  Something like that shows you've got no confidence and will ruin your chances.  By the time she's that far along with you, confidence is more important to the girl than whether or not you've got moobs.   

BTW, I'm married to a hot-looking woman who never cared about my big o' moobs.  I got the surgery to make myself feel better.  I don't really think she completely understands why I wanted it so much. 

[rocketrob]

I said this earlier but it makes sense here as well..... I bounced for 12 years with gyno and I am also  weight lifter. I would wear a compression type shirt when I worked and believe me when I say this: I met a lot of hunnies (if you catch my drift) I never let my gyno dictate my confidence with the ladies!!

I never had 1 girl turn me away for gyno..... be confident young fella     women love that quality in a man most of all

[chansam]

For "relationships" with mature women (25 and up) gyno should not matter to them.  They are more interested in having an emotional connection with you.  However, if you want to chase girls at clubs/bar/malls/coffee shops, date them a few times, and then take em back to your place for a shag they won't be as forgiving.  They see it as weird and something they are NOT familiar with. 

I don't blame them.  I grew up with and think it looks weird, how can I expect them not to?

[gyno got to go]

I dont know about that girl good luck with that. But you should really get some more shirts. I think that fact that you only wear two outfits for that last year is going to mess-up your chances more than gyno will. The key is to find  clothing that fit you well not to be confused with fitting size. Just clothing that fit your shape well. I don’t mean to go spend 100 bucks at the mall but do spend like 50 at the mall .

[Mr_Nip]

I dont know about that girl good luck with that. But you should really get some more shirts. I think that fact that you only wear two outfits for that last year is going to mess-up your chances more than gyno will. The key is to find  clothing that fit you well not to be confused with fitting size. Just clothing that fit your shape well. I don’t mean to go spend 100 bucks at the mall but do spend like 50 at the mall .

That's good advice. 

Here's a way you could use your existing wardrobe situation to your advantage:  You mentioned she's getting curious about the two shirts, so next time she says something about the wardrobe tell her to go shopping with you and help you pick out some shirts. 

1.  It's a fun date
2.  It's a playful and unexpected move (major girl turn-on)
3.  She'll be drawn in closer because you're willing to go shopping with her (major girl turn-on)
4.  Face it, if she's getting curious and you're having to wear 2 pockets, then she probably already has noticed
     you've got a larger than normal chest, anyway. 
5.  Your risk is low because although there IS a risk, it is diminished by the confidence level you display by putting the 
     ball in her court. 
6.  If you pull it off right (no pun intended), then she'll never care about the gyne when you take off the shirt for skin
     to skin action.  She'll also forget about those two western shirts.   

Notes:  NEVER mention gyne.  NEVER look down at your chest or act like you notice it.  Never say anything about being self-conscious.  Go get 'er, Tiger.   

[realist85]

It's easy to say just be confident, when I know that this problem really bothers you.
The think is, is that there are MANY more fat guys that go out with hot women than fat girls that go out with attractive men. I personally knew many large men that shagged all the time with fine women.
Women, in general, place a lower premium on physical looks than your personality. I'm not asking you to feel confident. I'm asking you to act like her opinion doesn't matter. That you are comfortable in your own skin, that you don't worry about your gyn. She'll see it, she'll know about it, but if you don't display any insecurity, she'll ignore it. Women are very good at ignoring flaws of men that spark attraction in them.

Google ladder theory. What goes on in your mind is more important than your body.

[reaper33]

all you guys thanks for giving so many perspectives to look at this issue, i would lie if i said i have full confidence, gyne literally crushed it 2 years back, the fact that this thing is so new and alien to me, has made it harder to cope with, im not saying people who had it for years had a smaller problem, we are all in the same boat, but the fact that i tasted life without gyno for so many years up till 19 yrs. now i feel inferior to everything that walks on two legs, like you all mentioned confidence is the quality women most value, and i have none, i guess i got bigger issues than i thought. i agree with mr nip, compression vests is a bad idea, isn't that like wearing a bra lol, but it might come in handy at work, where can i buy one? and what is it called? the reason why i wear two shirts is coz they are western, i could have bought more but i dont live in Texas, no seriously if i keep wearing the same crap in different colors then i would end up on tonight show, thats why i keep it on 2, and there is nothing else that conceals my puffy nips. and i was gonna tell her abt gyne, since i dont  wanna lie or hide anything, but from what i heard here im gonna reconsider it.finally i think its really hard to act like i dont dont care of her opinion, but im gonna work it, peace

[Mr_Nip]

Also, I have to disagree about the clothes shopping date. If you're anything like a lot of other guys here you hate going shopping because you're always thinking about how your chest looks in different clothing. If you're turning down shirts that this girl thinks are good you're going to have to tell her why. It might just come off as you being totally insecure.

It worked for me, but then my confidence level is through the roof.  Back in my single days the girl who worked in the Tallheimer's men's department actually ended up in the dressing room helping me change into the different clothes she was picking out for me.  Trust me it can work, but you have to remain confident.    

Girls really dig a guy who is confident with himself. Showing that you're insecure will make you less attractive.

That's absolutely true no matter what your situation, gyne or not.  

[tshirtinflorida]

don't base your life around THAT, i've been doing it for years. i met the girl i'm going to marry about 8 months ago, telling her was big to me, but she didn't even think about it twice after i told her. i wqas like huh? it's 2007, EVERYONE has PS.

[flex1appeal]

I was in a relationship for 5 years with gyno and just recently got out of it. Fortunately for me, I had the surgery shortly after. But my chest shows signs of the surgery and it's hard for me to hide it. I have dated a bunch of girls since surgery (and even a few before surgery) and found that telling them about it upfront made things a lot easier for me. None of the girls cared. And they were beautiful. It allowed me to be myself and not worry. I never wore layered clothing or compression vests when I had gyno. Primarily cause I never thought about that as a solution. Never crossed my mind to do that. But honesty goes a long way. You'd be surprised what a girl will say if you give her the chance. If she likes you then she won't think twice. Just my .02$

[reaper33]

i think im gonna tell her upfront about the gyno, i think making phony excuses will complicate this issue on top of that im getting surgery this summer and it will be hard to hide the compression vest and post op recovery , telling her the truth will give her a taste of my life. which is not really a cake walk, plus it will show her that it takes an iron will to cope with something like this, and function normally in the society. my first year with gyno i felt weak and vulnerable, but now im much stronger, i feel like i am given this burden, coz im strong enough to fight it, i see people walking past, and i tell myself, what if this guy had gyno, what abt tat guy sitting there, they would give it up and surrender, and i kinda look up to myself, dont you guys think what we are doing is really admirable, chicks got no reason to look down on us, it takes a real man to fight gyno, a real man.... give it a thought.

[flex1appeal]

I agree with what you said bro. And I do think telling her is the right thing. If she sincerely likes "you" then she'll take you for how you are. I've had 0 problems in the past with any given girl I've been with. I never hid it from them nor from the public. Even went to Puerto Rico one year and took my shirt off in public. I admitt, I didn't do stuff like that often. When it came to just going to the neighborhood pool I avoided it cause I know people. But I don't know anyone in Puerto Rico and won't see them again. So why should I care about what people think I do not know? I was strong enough to fight the condition. I didn't let it handicap me.

[xxxxxxxxxx]

How big is your breast ?

you'd do well to show us before ripping off any shirt