How do I make him feel better?

[gfofgynecomastia]

I am the girlfriend of a guy with gynecomastia. He has always been very embarassed by his chest, and up until the past 6 months we had no idea what gynecomastia was. He is 17 years old, and still in high school - which only makes it worse. His friends are so cruel to him, because of this condition. They constantly make comments to him about his "man boobs" and call him fat. He is not a fat guy - 6'0" and 180 pounds. He still has not discussed the issue with his parents, we have printed out alot of information and he wants me to help him tell them and explain the impact it has had on him. For the past two years that we have been together, I have only seen him with his shirt off twice. As the condition has gotten worse, if I even try to touch him on the chest, he gets very paranoid. He has gone to the beach with me for the past two years during the summer and has never removed his shirt, afraid that my family would criticize him as his friends do. His condition has effected our relationship alot. He does not listen when I tell him that I don't look at him as less of a man because of this condition. I have tried to convince him to get into counseling, but he thinks that counseling is for people who are weak.
I just want to know if there is anything that I can do to make him feel more comfortable with me, and to keep him from losing his mind.

[Tarli]

It sounds to me that your the best thing that he has. I had my first proper girlfriend at 14. I knew what I had, and when I felt 100% comfortable with her I told her about the situation. I'm 18 now, and have had surgery. My girlfriend was the only thing that kept me sane living with the condition and am still going strong with the same gf. The best thing you can do at the moment is carry on being patient. Plus if he's only just found out about gynecomastia in the last 6 months, it's still gonna take alot to digest it all and what he wants to do about it.
   My Mum didn't know either literally 2 week before my first consultation with a surgeon, and it felt great to break down to her and let her know how depressed the problem made me. She could see how desperate I was and funded the op.
    If he's a bit like me back then he might not show you how much he appreciates you being with him, but I can assure you he does. He will be comfortable when he's ready and understands what he wants to do about it, just stay patient. 

[mouse88]

This is tough advice to give because people are very different, so let me preface this with the disclaimer that all I'm saying is what would make ME feel better. I think the best you can do is try to be a safe haven from it. It would be best if you didn't really talk about it unless he brings it up or unless its something really important. If he's anything like me, I know its on his mind constantly, and you talking about it (even if it is to tell him that it doesn't bother you) will most likely just make him obsess about it even more. Also, don't take this the wrong way but you telling him it doesn't bother you probably just sounds hollow because it does in fact bother HIM. Again, take this all as just how I feel aobut it.

[Grandpa Bambu]

I even try to touch him on the chest, he gets very paranoid.

I know how he feels. It's a very odd feeling... I would not let my wife touch my chest when I had gyne. I always pushed her hand away if she tried...

It's quite possible, he may be feeling the same emotion as if you had a complete stranger approach you and touch your boobs. I realize that you are not a stranger to your b/f, but I'm sure the 'feeling' would probably be much the same...  The feeling of being physically Violated...

I just want to know if there is anything that I can do to make him feel more comfortable with me, and to keep him from losing his mind.

It's not about you or anyone else... you see, it's about how he feels. Your b/f has gynecomastia, he feels a certain way about it, you and others. The way he 'feels' will not change, and those 'feelings' will remain/get worse until his gynecomastia is removed.

Your support will be very comforting to your b/f even though he may seem to shrug you off. It's of great comfort to have someone to confide in about gynecomastia. Many  Suffer in Silence.   

Counseling IMO, will not help. Besides, there are probably not many gynecomastic sufferers that are willing to openly discuss their condition face-to-face with a complete stranger... The embarrassment/shame is much too great.

My advice for you.... continue to be there for him and seek medical help ASAP!

GB

[Time_to_fix_it]

Hi gfofgynecomastia,

The only thing I would like to add is that having my g/f there to support me as I went through various medical tests, examinatiions and finally the surgery was more help to me than I can ever put into words.  I told her about this site and she spent some time reading the posts to understand how this condition affects sufferers.

I think the above 3 posts are probably the best 3 consecutive posts I have ever seen on this site.  All are offering very wise advice.

If either of you need help or guidance feel free to come onto this site and ask questions.  There is a huge wealth of knowledge and experience on here.  There really is a way out of this nightmare for you both.

Good luck to you and your boyfriend.  I think he is fortunate having you there to care about him.

[DrBermant]

I am the girlfriend of a guy with gynecomastia. He has always been very embarassed by his chest, and up until the past 6 months we had no idea what gynecomastia was. He is 17 years old, and still in high school - which only makes it worse. His friends are so cruel to him, because of this condition. They constantly make comments to him about his "man boobs" and call him fat. He is not a fat guy - 6'0" and 180 pounds. He still has not discussed the issue with his parents, we have printed out alot of information and he wants me to help him tell them and explain the impact it has had on him. For the past two years that we have been together, I have only seen him with his shirt off twice. As the condition has gotten worse, if I even try to touch him on the chest, he gets very paranoid. He has gone to the beach with me for the past two years during the summer and has never removed his shirt, afraid that my family would criticize him as his friends do. His condition has effected our relationship alot. He does not listen when I tell him that I don't look at him as less of a man because of this condition. I have tried to convince him to get into counseling, but he thinks that counseling is for people who are weak.
I just want to know if there is anything that I can do to make him feel more comfortable with me, and to keep him from losing his mind.

Emotion of Living With Gynecomastia:  Many have told me that they had difficulty telling parents, brothers, sisters, family, wives, and friends what it was like having male breasts.  We also have many friends and family asking "How do I help?"  Here is a video tool.

Here is video of a patient discussing the stress and emotions dealing with gynecomastia and the relief after surgery.  Posting words has value, but this discussion by my patient is very intense.  The 13 minutes 14 seconds video with audio (or audio alone clips) are before and after massive gland removal and breast lift (male mastopexy for drooping chest).  I used larger video files because there was such expressiveness in his body language.  For those wanting to use smaller files, there are audio only versions.  QuickTime and Windows Media Video versions are posted.

Here is the link to the new videos.  The after surgery images are only 5 days and 11 days after surgery and there was much redundant skin.

Emotions of those with gynecomastia are important.  The expressiveness of listening and viewing is just more powerful than just reading words.  I plan to expand the material once I learn if the format is working well.  This is something my patients have been asking for to help deal with parents, wives, friends who just do not understand.

Beyond that there is this site and the many pages found in my Encyclopedic Resource on Gynecomastia.

Michael Bermant, MD
Learn More About Gynecomastia and Chest Sculpture

[gynemex]

He is very blessed to have a girlfriend like you! (I've never had a girlfriend and always surrounded by pretty girls flirting on me, but I'm scared to tell anyone, I'm afraid they would laugh at me) =)