Author Topic: AS THIS THING AFFECTED ANYONE SEXUAL IDENTITY?  (Read 7355 times)

Offline joajani

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Offline joajani

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Offline normexcept

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I'm not afraid to reply.  For those of you who are offended by frank sexual speak, please bypass this post now.

I am a 44 year old man with gynecomastia.  I've had it for as long as I can remember around age 10 I suppose.  Here is how this condition has affected my sexual identity:
I began right away comparing my chest to other boys' chests early on.  I would (and still do) shop the guys for the perfect pec shapes.  Starting this so early was one of the things that conditioned me for sexual identity issues.  The other thing that I learned through therapy was that as a young man, masturbation became a way to feel good when I was feeling bad about my self image.  I would imaginge guys with perfect pecs while I masturbated.  This created a chemical/biological response in my brain to manly pectoral visuals.  When my brain wanted a feel good fix, it would conjur up the pictures that I had been feeding it to get that chemical feel good fix that came from sexual realease.  I didn't realize any of this for many years.  It was just recently through therapy for depression because I see myself or want to see myself as heterosexual but I kept having this sexual fantasy life that seemed homosexual.  I am happily married and have two grown children.  I didn't and don't want to mess this up.
My therapist helped me to see the pain that I was medicating through sexual release.  He then helped me to recondition myself. I used the rubber band on the arm thing to give myself pain when I started thinking sexually when visually stimulated by manly pecs.  I then had to and still have to make myself replace those images that my brain recalls for pleasure chemicals with new healthier images.  If I see in my head perfect man pecs and start to become sexually stimulated, I am now more conscious of that fact and replace that image with images of my wife.  I have to say that this is a process I would imagine similar to addiction to certain drugs or alcohol.  One of the things that has helped too with this sexual identity issue is not keeping it a secret any more.  I have certain family members and certain very good friends that I can talk to about this.  I made myself (during therapy) reveal the secrets to them.  It was the most difficult thing I have EVER done.  But the acceptance and the extreme freedom from this dirty little secret helped provide a level of healing and healthy relationship building.  The other thing that helps with the healing for the sexual identity issues is being able to share in formats like this.  verbalizing feelings helps me a lot.  Then, I seem to have more energy for focusing on what I see as more healthy feelings and thoughts.
This is my own experience and I don't intend to apply my experience as the answer for everyone.  I recognize everyone is an individual.  I am so thankful for going to therapy and I highly recommend it.  By the way, I had to try 3 different therapists before I found one that would deal with this from the perspective of I wanted to be heterosexual.  They are out there but I found them to be few and far between.  The first 2 therapists wanted me to just accept the homosexual feelings and experiment with them to see if that was the path I should be on instead of the one I'm on.  For me, that was and is not an option because I have a life that I am happy with.  I never wanted to lose that and I know I can't have both healthily.  I am a lot happier now.  Plus now, I am starting to seriously consider getting the gynecomastia surgery so that this is not a continuous issue and pain in my life.
I hope this answers your question.

Mark

Offline user name

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JUST ASKING

ive never taken my shirt off for sex. even when the girl begs, i make up some bs story.

Offline flex1appeal

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Nope. Never affected any relationships, sexual experiences, or sexual identity. That's because I didn't let it.

flex

Offline joajani

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i thank mark for his honesty, i am sure alot of person have the same experience.

Offline bigdude1

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Reliable medical sources claim that people can change their sexual behavior at will, which in turn determines sexual identity, which is the way you view yourself in sexual terms. This identity can be changed, depending on sexual habits and behavior. A good example is singer David Bowie, who displayed mostly homosexual behavior in his youth, and is now happily married, living like a completely heterosexual man.

What seems to be set in stone, however, is sexual orientation. Research shows sexual orientation seems to be like your blood type, or the color of your eyes, something that is ingrained and impossible to change. From a young age, you're attracted to what you're attracted to, and you know it and no one else needs to tell you or influence you. For instance, in my own case, I vividly remember watching "Star Wars" as a five year old and getting sexually aroused at the sight of Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher). I've always known I love women, ever since I was a little child with no clear knowledge of what sexuality even is. On the other hand, consider a classmate I had in junior high, a boy who always preferred hanging out with girls. We all thought he was a pimp, the girls seemed to like him too. I heard from a friend of a friend a few years back he had left his wife and children to move in with a man... gynecomastia or no gynecomastia, in the back of our heads, we all know what we're really attracted to.

But glad you asked. I think the first fear that strikes us straight men with gynecomastia is whether this bears any significance on our sexual orientation.

Nonetheless, I guess this condition can make even the manliest of men insecure at times.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2007, 09:14:50 PM by bigdude1 »

Offline headheldhigh01

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gyne only committed me more firmly, for myself, to my straight identity, to which it was just an obstacle that had no right to be there. 

mark, was that discussion with others close to you prescribed by the therapist?  that one strikes me as odd, i might have drawn a line for myself there. 

merle asked about this one in his poll, though i don't remember it in his book, maybe i'm wrong about that. 
* a man is more than a body will ever tell
* if it screws up your life the same, is there really any such thing as "mild" gyne?

Offline normexcept

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headheldhigh,
You asked if discussing this was prescribed.  No, but through the discussions with my therapist I found that I needed to rid myself of the burden of keeping it a secret.  That was part of the healing process for me.  It took a lot of time and discussions to get to the point I was able to actually share.  I had a very compassionate counselor who really listened to me and what I wanted to get out of the therapy as well as offering me new perspectives and helping me deal with other areas I had no idea I needed to deal with.  I also found that when I opened the door to being real with a couple of my very close guy friends, they shared things about themselves too.  Wow!,  not only was I not condemned, but I was entrusted with their own personal feelings and struggles.  I have not taken this responsibility lightly.  And, by the way, we haven't had any further discussions about my stuff or their stuff.  No need to.  We just have great friendships.

Offline Teflon

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You confuse me with the term "sexual identity".

As I understand it we have "gender" (identity) and then we have "sexual orientation" (do we like men or women or both).

And whether you are male or female or transgender, that gender identification does not change or affect your sexual orientation.

The classic example are heterosexual cross-dressers, or male-to-female transexuals who are attracted sexually to women.

I can relate to your noticing other guys' chests. Since my own gyne developed and I began focussing on my own chest as an "issue" in my life, it caused me to cast my glances around at other guys I see, not out of sexual desire for them but out of simple fixation/fascination with my own pec and breast development. I remain attracted to women (my wife) and that is unchanged, but this is not to say that my gender identity has not been affected by having breasts. It has. I definitely feel more feminine, or rather, more androgenous. It doesn't bother me though. I've always felt that way to an extent. I'm in my 40s now and my ego isn't as fragile as it was in younger days I guess, for me to worry too much about appearing too this or too that.

Screw that.


headheldhigh,
You asked if discussing this was prescribed.  No, but through the discussions with my therapist I found that I needed to rid myself of the burden of keeping it a secret.  That was part of the healing process for me.  It took a lot of time and discussions to get to the point I was able to actually share.  I had a very compassionate counselor who really listened to me and what I wanted to get out of the therapy as well as offering me new perspectives and helping me deal with other areas I had no idea I needed to deal with.  I also found that when I opened the door to being real with a couple of my very close guy friends, they shared things about themselves too.  Wow!,  not only was I not condemned, but I was entrusted with their own personal feelings and struggles.  I have not taken this responsibility lightly.  And, by the way, we haven't had any further discussions about my stuff or their stuff.  No need to.  We just have great friendships.
« Last Edit: August 09, 2007, 09:44:38 PM by Teflon »

Offline angel_allen

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so if you have t i ts then you are gay? What bulls h i t!
Gay guys tend NOT to be attracted to feminine stuff! ::)

Offline unknownman

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  • My war against gyne ends 10/8/07
My gyne afected  me mentally when I would be with females like being alone making out I would always be thinking God please dont let her laugh at me when  we start getting naked but none of the girls I been with ever noticed it or either they  did and never said anything to me about it.

Offline gettingrid

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didn't affect my sexual orientation....but definitely made experiences with women less enjoyable as some of the time did go in thinking how to be in a position where this is hidden and manouvering things towards that....its basically an unnecessary irritant....didnt get any comments from them though...maybe they didnt care or were being nice..


Offline unknownman

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holy shit i thought i was the only one that thought about this i my self question if im gay because i cannot get close to women because of my gyno -_-


I thought if you wanted to have sex with guys you were gay not  because  I have a physical deformity  called gynecomastia i must be gay lol

Offline matthew1

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I cant beleive this confusion,  If you  get a boner over any part of a  mans body, chest or otherwise, your gay. Gyne has nothing to  do with it.
              I f  get a  stiffy over angelina joley your fine


 

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