I'm in my early thirties, medium built, married for three years and soon to be a dad. Sounds good? Here's a little back story:
I was a 'cute' child, like everyone in the family tells me. I was also somewhat plump, not obese or unhealthy. I did not get to spend a lot of time with my dad growing up because he always seemed to be more interested in pursuing his own interest in sports on weekends. Sports were never a big part of my life except playing after school with the neighborhood children.
My wife and I are in a good relationship. We sure argue over some things sometime but both she and I consider it normal and we resolve our differences before the night is over. May be a couple of times during our casual moments, she has commented on 'you have breasts' and 'you could have gynecomastia' in a very non-offending way. It hasn't bothered me for two reasons. I gained about 20 pounds after fracturing my leg because I couldn't workout to check my weight. I focused on building upper body muscles in my early twenties by exercising which worked well but the amount of workout required to keep it up was not sustainable after starting a job. I always held that stopping that workout is the reason for a portion of gynecomastia. The rest could well be fat.
While I have been trying to get back to my regular workout schedule since recovering from the accident, aches and soreness have always followed along. I would work out for a day or two and then I would stop for two weeks. I enjoy biking and running. As soon as I hit 5 miles on the treadmill, my upper back and shoulders and chest would start aching. The leg seems to get better at a faster rate. The lipid profile is normal is it is not a heart or diabetes issue.
I had been unknowingly conscious of a slightly protruded chest since middle school but it did not bother me psychologically until 8th grade. I was often commented on being a little fat and lazy by extended family and neighborhood friends. I always let it go. In 7th grade, I went on a diet and reduced my weight by about 15 pounds. I felt better and confident. However, soon after 8th grade school began, a bunch of guys started pointing to and slapping the slightly protruded chest during break time just for fun. The weight loss had made my chest more noticeable because I lost fat from the waist. A few days later they started make jokes, "When are you due?" and would grab and squeeze my chest. It continued for a few weeks until one of them pinched my nipple so hard that as a reflex action I slapped the guy on the face so hard that he turned around one full circle from the impact. That was the end of all that teasing.
I was too naive and innocent as a child. Now understanding the definition and spectrum of abuse and sexual harrasment to a greater extent, I remember that a bunch of neighborhood guys who were hitting puberty when I was 7 or 8, used to fondle with my chest and said it looked very feminine. They would ask me to lift my shirt and feel my chest and I complied in innocence. They even called my chest by a nickname they had for a woman's breasts. It never bothered me then because I did not understand it then but now I feel terrible about it.
In college, I encountered difficulties in mandatory PE class because I had never seriously played sports in school. I got the lowest passing grade in that class which pulled my GPA down significantly. I told the PE coach that I cannot do parallel bars and pull ups. He looked at me and said well you could do track instead but then looked at me for a second and said it doesn't look like you can do much there either. The mandatory track and field events were an opportunity for my classmates to laugh heartily at me. I learnt towards the end of college from some trusted friends that I had been given nicknames suggesting heavier hips and heavier breasts. It all went on behind my back because all my classmates needed my help with their homework. They never called me gay because I had some of the best girls in class for friends. It was surprising that through school and college, it was only boys and men who seemed to torment me for all my 'flaws'. Women in the family or girls in school or college never made me uncomfortable or conscious about it. Only one of my cousins ever said that I was such a softy after she fell asleep on my shoulders on a long drive during family vacation. She said it in a very good way and I never made much of that. She encouraged me to workout more.
Well, back to the current times, one day I came back after a workout with severely chafed nipples after a 5 mile run. It was humid that day and I was trying on a compression t-shirt for the first time. The compression t-shirt made me so hot that sweated a lot more than usual. The next day I mentioned it to my wife that my upper back and chest hurts and the chafed area was taking time to heal. I have used body glide and bandaids to prevent chafing and they work only to an extent. We researched a little more and decided to go and see a doctor for the aches again. The doctor found nothing wrong and just told me to rest and get better. This wasn't of much help because I am conscious of my weight and I want to get my BMI in the normal range. Seeing me in pain again after a workout a week later, my wife suggested that I tried wearing a sports bra like the one she does for support and see if that made a difference. I agreed but I was nervous and I felt slightly emasculated, the latter been none of her intentions. However, we bought a couple of medium impact sports bra in a size much larger than hers and I nervously put one on before my next workout. A day later, no aches! My wife was elated on having found a solution and I give her credit for that. It's been three months and I have been on the bike and the treadmill more than ever and my wife loves that I am being regular with workout regimen. We have researched gynecomastia further since and realized that it was a mild case and doesn't yet need medical intervention. We could see a doctor again later if it tends to worsen or if any of the symptoms associated with low T become apparent.
I feel better about myself now for all that pain to go away but also by writing this as this has never been told to anyone before. More so, because I can now focus on being a better dad in the future and should we have a son, to be careful that even boys are prone to abuse in subtle ways. I will know better. So, I decide to move on.....
Topic: A discovery, a realization and an acceptance. (Read 2828 times)
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