Son's surgery on 7/28

[the weemans mom]

I want to thank everyone who posts to this board, because it has been most informative.  My son who is 12, will be having surgery on Thursday, July 28th.  I am getting somewhat apprehensive (a mom's perogative), as he has never had surgery before,.  

My dilemma is my ex (whom I have no contact with other than written correspondence).  He is not aware that our son will be having surgery, and our son does not want his dad to know at all.  His dad also has gyno, however, it is not something that has ever bothered him.  My son fears that if his father finds out, that his dad will deny him the right to have surgery.  My son is scheduled to be with his dad this weekend following surgery, however, I have told my son that he will just have to call his dad and tell him he is not feeling well (which I am sure he won't be).  (I was not able to schedule surgery where it would occur on a weekend he isn't with his dad.)

Fortunately, our health insurance is picking up the tab for both excision and lipo, so there is no cost to my ex, and even if the insurance didn't cover it, I would pay for it out of my own pocket so my son can be a well adjusted individual.  We have struggled with his first year of middle school.  I asked if he had been teased at school, however, he denies he ever was, but continues to wear layers of clothing and stands with a slouch.

All of the threads I have read have been very encouraging in the fact that this is the right thing to do, because most of you who have had surgery have for the most part had excellent results.  And for those of you contemplating surgery, it is something you have had to deal with for many years and if given the opportunity that your medical insurance would pay for surgery, there would not be any hesitation about having surgery.

I guess I am looking for reassurance that this is the right thing to do, i.e. go forward with the surgery and not advise his dad.  I believe that if my son wanted his dad to know about it, he would have felt free to discuss it with him, as my son has with me.

[Blitz]

Without a doubt in my mind you are doing the right thing.  If your son says he's not being teased about it now, trust me, he will be.  That pain lives with you for a long time.  Makes you feel as if you're less of a man, let alone a person.  

I have a son and if this was a problem for him, I wouldn't care if we were on welfare and scraping to get by, I would do everything in my power to have him get this operation.  Your son is quite young but I believe he's old enough to know what he's in for.  He should definitely not see his dad on that weekend.  The first few days are gonna be the toughest but after that, all will be fine and life will resume to normal.  

Be flattered and proud that your son can discuss this with you.  That means he trust you and believes you will protect him at all cost.  

Congrats on having the whole thing covered by your health insurance.  Most guys here would have the surgery tomorrow if they had some way of paying for it.  

[c3ntralp3rk]

congratulations to your son   !! i wish i had told my parents about my problem when i was 13 (which was when i got hit by gyne). atleast that would have saved my middle/highschool years from all the humiliation...

i'm 19 now. just talked to my parents about my problem. and will be getting surgery soon.

emancipation. atlast!!

[ciocan]

just do it and although the father seemed not to be frustrated in any way by his gyne ... well i think that he really was and would agree that it's better to have it DONE.

[Gine2D]

It must be an extreme case if a surgeon will operate on a 12 year old.

Have you taken him to a hormone specialist to check his levels of male & female hormones?  

Have you asked the doctor about trying low dose hCG  two times a week for a month?

Do you think he has female-like breasts or is it just in his head?

G

[ItsOK]

 I asked if he had been teased at school, however, he denies he ever was, but continues to wear layers of clothing and stands with a slouch.

I am really hoping that there's more motivation for this surgery than layers of clothing and a slouch.  12 is awfully early for surgery.

Is there any possibility that you are imposing your idea of a perfect body on your son?

The consensus on this board seems to be that some breast development in early puberty is normal and that in many cases it goes away.  In spite of comments from people who have been through it and wish that they hadn't had to endure those years, to me it just doesn't seem right to subject a 12 year old to surgery for a condition that is likely to correct itself in a few months.

[the weemans mom]

Since my son's father has gyno, and my son has also has it, not to mention I am not small in that department either, I think it is a safe bet that this is not a condition that is going to go away as my son progresses through puberty.  Surgery was an option that my son suggested, I did not push him towards that, and I certainly don't expect him to have a perfect body, because in all honesty, who does?

Like the majority of people on this board, it is something they have suffered throughout their teen / adult life and if they had the opportunity to change it, they would, or have done so already.

I am trying to raise a well adjusted son, who feels good about himself.  And if this is something that can be corrected (which it can) and since our medical insurance has authorized the surgery (a plus for us), and it is something my son wants to do (I have asked him every day since surgery was scheduled if he still wants to go through with it), then I will see to it that my son is taken care of the best way I know how.

[Blitz]

I am trying to raise a well adjusted son, who feels good about himself.  And if this is something that can be corrected (which it can) and since our medical insurance has authorized the surgery (a plus for us), and it is something my son wants to do (I have asked him every day since surgery was scheduled if he still wants to go through with it), then I will see to it that my son is taken care of the best way I know how.

Amen to that weemans mom and don't let anyone discourage you.  

A professional doctor and your son's desire has given you the go ahead on having this done.  That's all the affirmation you need.

[heartbrokenmom]

Good for you.  My son will also be getting surgery.  He wants to loose a little more weight and work out some more before hand.   He has lost over 70 pounds. He hopes to have surgery in a few months. He has taken a leave from college so this can be done.   You are so right to get this for him early.  If I had known when my son was younger, I know the hurt and self-esteem issues that have plagued him would not have been so bad.    Good Luck  tomorrow.  The timing is perfect.  He will go back to school after a recovery time.  

[abaz]

i hope the operation goes well today, and i do the same as him, stand with a slouch, so atleast we got something in common.  

hopefully he'll recover and live a good teen life  

[the weemans mom]

Thank you for everyone's encouragement, it is definitely needed.

Today is the day and I haven't slept well the last 3 nights.  I am sure it is a combination of the heat and my son's surgery.  I am sure my son is getting nervous about it too, he was very clingy last night, but that is okay, because Monday night he was consumed by video games and I only saw him long enough to eat dinner!  Only an hour to go before I wake him up, to get ready, and we head to the hospital.

[djillusive]

Hope everything goes well!!!  Good luck!

[heartbrokenmom]

Hope your son did well yesterday.  

[Grandpa Bambu]

How did your son's surgery go? Well I hope!

John.

[the weemans mom]

Thanks for asking - surgery went well and so is recovery.  I have a thread on the Surgery board (Surgery 7/28 ) and I also posted a thread on the Photos board (Before & After photos).